Bucky O' Hare In The Challenge By Andrew Norris SCENE ONE A darkened room Everything is completely pitch black, with nothing to be seen. Suddenly, a spotlight concentrates on SISTER DAPHNE, the purple-haired Aldebaran. DAPHNE: (Shouting) My sisters! I, Sister Daphne, the Mistress of Games, welcome you to the Clash of Space Captains! An audience of ALDEBARANS appears in front of the darkened room, which turns out to be a stage similar in design to a Greek theatre. DAPHNE: I present you with the gladiators of the Clash. Representing the newly-formed Mammal Empire, Captain Bucky O' Hare! The AUDIENCE cheer as BUCKY is lit up in part of the dark room, looking bewildered. DAPHNE: For Star Corps, all the way from Earth, I present to you, Captain Elvis Brandenburg Kremmen! CAPTAIN KREMMEN appears from the darkness. He is a male human, and has a bushy brown beard around his jaw-line, and sports a red-and-blue suit with a large yellow "K" on his shirt. DAPHNE: A visitor to the Aniverse in times gone past and hero within the Galactic Alliance, Captain Buzz Lightyear! BUZZ LIGHTYEAR appears next to CAPTAIN KREMMEN. BUZZ and BUCKY recognize each other, and nod to one another. DAPHNE: For the United Nations Interstellar Division, believed dead for several years, please welcome Captain Universe! CAPTAIN UNIVERSE appears. He is a blonde-haired human dressed in a plain-yellow uniform. DAPHNE: Although not widely known, the World Space Patrol have their own captain to be proud of. I give you Captain James Goddard of Fireball XL30! CAPTAIN GODDARD appears. He has shaved ginger hair and a uniform similar to SUB-LIEUTENANT ANDREW NORRIS, only with "XL30" on the badge. DAPHNE: The next challenger hails from the Seaverse and has spent much of his life inside a self-supporting submarine. From the Interstellar Submarine Brigade, please welcome Captain Zemp Tyrquin. CAPTAIN TYRQUIN appears. TYRQUIN is neither human or animal. In fact, he is an alien. A large red blob moving about on transparent tentacles, with no facial features whatsoever. DAPHNE: As well as visitors from the Seaverse, we also have with us a very rare visitor. Her race have lived underground for millenia safe from the harsh surface weather. For the Venus Confederancy, welcome Captain Murnik Thimite! CAPTAIN THIMITE appears. CAPTAIN THIMITE stands 4ft, has an elliptical head with brown hair, and her skin is completely orange. DAPHNE: Our final representative is from the mid-24th Century on behalf of the Galactic Protectorate. My sisters, bid welcome to Captain Duck Edgar Dumas Allousious Dodgers! DUCK DODGERS appears next to CAPTAIN UNIVERSE. DUCK DODGERS is an anthropomorphic black duck, similar to KADAF. He sports a pale-green suit with azure trimmings. DAPHNE: (To audience) Now, as you all know, these elite space captains have been snatched out of space and time to compete in a set of battles for the ultimate prize. Whatever is their most fondest dream will be weaved into reality by Aldebaran magic. All of the CAPTAINS look at each other with impressed faces. DODGERS: (Thinking) < At last, my own stereo system! > DAPHNE: But if any of our captains feel uncomfortable with this, now is the time to speak. GODDARD: What happens if we lose? DAPHNE: You will be safely transported home the same way you were brought here. So please stand by while the challenges are set! SCENE TWO The Righteous Indignation WILLY is busy at work on a circuit panel on the bridge, when a television monitor flares up. On it is FELICIA. WILLY: (Nervously) Err, Felicia! Hi! What brings you here? FELICIA: Well, besides a certain handsome baboon I know of, I was asked to explain why Bucky vanished. WILLY: Oh yeah, Jenny did mention it. What did happen? FELICIA: Remember when you asked why Sister Daphne doesn't belong to an Order? WILLY: (Nods once) Yeah, and I never figured it out. FELICIA: Sister Daphne is the Mistress of Games on Aldebaran. She organizes games to entertain the Elders of our planet, and has rallied all the elite space captains to take part. WILLY: And what happens if someone loses? FELICIA: They get returned to their homes and have their minds erased of all previous events. The winner is the only one who remembers what has happened. WILLY: Oh, I see. Do you want me to pass the message onto someone? FELICIA: Anybody will do; I didn't want to start a panic. (Blows a kiss) See you, Willy. The communication is severed, and WILLY sighs relievedly. WILLY: (To himself) Phew! I just hope she doesn't catch wind of Bumblebee! SCENE THREE Side-Room, The Arena, Aldebaran All of the CAPTAINS are talking to one another to get to know each other. BUZZ: (To Kremmen) ...And Bucky and I haven't seen each other since, eh Bucky? BUCKY: Sure, good to see you again, Buzz. KREMMEN: (English accent) That's great, Captain Lightyear. But I thought life on Venus was impossible! (Turns to Captain Thimite) Tell me, Captain Thimite, how is it possible? THIMITE: (Effeminate) Murnik, if you please! I'm sure you're all aware of the impossibilities for life on Venus. DODGERS: (Lisps) Say-what for come-again on where-now? THIMITE: Although "Earth Science" states it impossible for life to survive on my planet, it is clearly not the case. Like you humans we must rely on oxygen, but our bodies secrete fluids to filter out posionous sulphur. BUZZ: And the crushing pressure? THIMITE: That is something we have adapted to over time, such as Earthlings adapting to bacteria in their air. KREMMEN: Well, I guess that makes sense. But what about the Venus Confederancy? UNIVERSE: (Booming voice) Kremmens' right. We know there was once a Venusian Empire, but... THIMITE: (Interrupts) It collapsed when the Martians tried to expand their borders. We have been at war with them for many years, and they have tried to invade Earth purely as a stepping-stone to us. Once we lost control of our mineral-mills on Callisto, we formed a Confederancy to salvage what was left of our Empire. GODDARD: (Middle-pitched voice) Gee, that's awful. And you'd barely gotten your own forces started. THIMITE: True, but enough about me. BUCKY: I was just wondering about Captain Goddard, what about you? GODDARD: Not much to say really, the World Space Patrol is a combination of Star Corps, NASA and the Earth Space Programme. After we were booted off Mars by Martians, I was assigned to XL30, where I've been ever since. KREMMEN: That's strange, because I'm supposed to be from your past and we've had no bother from the Martians. BUCKY: (Sighs) Let's move on from the talk about Martians, what about Tyrquin? He hasn't said anything yet. CAPTAIN THIMITE eyes ZEMP TYRQUIN sitting in a corner. THIMITE: Yes, Captain Tyrquin! What have you to say? TYRQUIN looks up at her with non-existent eyes. TYRQUIN: (Gargling voice) There is little to tell. UNIVERSE: But there must be! BUZZ: Sending you all the way to another Universe, that has to be something interesting! TYRQUIN: It is because...I am the last of my people. All the other CAPTAINS look in horror. TYRQUIN: My race, the Amoebulons, came from Ruta 2. We were once peaceful, and friendly to all visitors. When I was sent to the Seaverse for the ISB, a fellow race, the Rutans of Ruta 3, invaded our planet and destroyed my people. And now, I hide in the Seaverse from the Rutans just for the sake of survival. I am a soldier with no instructions, I am nothing. All of the CAPTAINS are quiet in shock. DUCK DODGERS is even crying, when SISTER DAPHNE bellows over the tannoy. DAPHNE: (Over PA) Will all the Captains step into the arena for the first battles? All of the CAPTAINS go, but BUCKY stays behind to speak to TYRQUIN, who takes up the rear of the queue. BUCKY: Don't worry, Zemp, you'll do great. TYRQUIN: (Solemnly) But what reason have I to be merry? There is nothing in the world that could bring me happiness. BUCKY: Maybe, maybe not. Just think hard on your movements and you'll do fine. SCENE FOUR The Arena, Aldebaran All of the CAPTAINS are in a large amphitheatre with the ALDEBARANS around them. SISTER DAPHNE shouts over the tannoy from the sidelines. DAPHNE: The battles will be one-on-one, with the winners waiting on the sidelines until other champions are ready to battle! Remember that there will be no intermission, and so the Clash will end when we boil down to a final two! The audience applause, but the CAPTAINS look nervous. DAPHNE: The first battles are: Bucky O' Hare v. Captain Universe! BUCKY and CAPTAIN UNIVERSE are seperated from the others by a large spotlight. DAPHNE: (Continued) Buzz Lightyear v. Duck Dodgers! BUZZ and DUCK DODGERS are also seperated by a spotlight. DAPHNE: Zemp Tyrquin v. James Goddard! The final spotlight leaves just CAPTAIN KREMMEN and MURNIK THIMITE. DAPHNE: And finally, Captain Kremmen and Murnik Thimite! The opponents will not be allowed to fight in any other spotlight than their own, let the games begin! Several flares light up as the battle begins. BUZZ is having a hard time firing a stun-ray at DODGERS, who simply runs around inside the spotlight, taunting the others fighting in the seperate spotlights. DODGERS: (Laughs) You can't touch me! Ha ha ha-ha ha! BUZZ: Err, Dodgers, you're supposed to fight me! DODGERS spins around, and notices BUZZ firing a stun-ray from his laser-glove. Immediately, DODGERS is unconcious. DAPHNE: Our first winner, Buzz Lightyear of Star Command! DUCK DODGERS disappears in a flash of white light, and the spotlight falls off of BUZZ, who is directed to a table at the side of the arena. Elsewhere in the arena, BUCKY is taking hard blows from CAPTAIN UNIVERSE. UNIVERSE: I'm sorry, Captain O' Hare. It's nothing personal, it's just that I'm a sore loser. BUCKY: How would you like to just be sore? BUCKY kicks CAPTAIN UNIVERSE hard in the stomach, thus winding him. CAPTAIN UNIVERSE delivers a hard punch to BUCKYS' face, giving him a black eye, but BUCKY retaliates by punching CAPTAIN UNIVERSE in the mouth, knocking him unconcious. DAPHNE: The winner, Bucky O' Hare! BUCKY is directed to the table and drinks from a water bottle. BUZZ cringes at BUCKYS' black eye. BUZZ: That's some shiner you've got there, buddy. BUCKY: (Sighs) I know, and I can't believe the Aldebarans consider this a sport! JAMES GODDARD and ZEMP TYRQUIN are evenly matched, as GODDARD delivers hard punches, but TYRQUIN avoids them. It is all over when TYRQUIN ensnares GODDARDS' leg with his tentacles, tripping him up. TYRQUIN: (Cocky) You lose! DAPHNE: That's right folks, for the third winner is Zemp Tyrquin! He limps over to the table like a wounded animal, passing the battle between CAPTAIN KREMMEN and CAPTAIN THIMITE. TYRQUIN: I was worried I was going to lose then! BUZZ: Well, it all boils down to this last match, then we'll see who gets to fight who. BUCKY: A Venusian or an Earthman. Not much choice, is there? KREMMEN dodges a hard punch from THIMITE, and pulls out a bulky silver gun. KREMMEN: (Smiles) Sorry to be rude, but a thronn-ray should finish you off! He fires the gun, and a yellow laser beam hits THIMITE, who falls to the floor. THIMITE: (Weakly) It's rude to hit a lady, Kremmen! Remember that! DAPHNE: He certainly will because the fourth entrant into the semi- finals is Captain Kremmen! The audience applaud as THIMITE disappears, and KREMMEN goes to join the others. DAPHNE: (To audience) The challengers will be allowed to rest for two minutes while we set up the next battles, but don't go away as they'll be back in action before you know it! SCENE FIVE The Righteous Indignation JENNY is piloting the Righteous at top speed, with DEADEYE, BLINKY and BRUISER groaning from the gravitational force. WILLY clambers up to the bridge to speak to her. WILLY: Jenny, what is going on? You haven't said a word since I told you about Felicia, so what's wrong? JENNY stops the ship suddenly, causing BRUISER and DEADEYE to crash into one another, with BLINKY landing softly atop of his comrades. JENNY: (Calmly) Willy, Felicia did tell you about the losers in the games? WILLY nods. JENNY: Well, the final round is a fight to the death, and Bucky hasn't returned to us yet, and if we don't stop the games, he never will! WILLY sits alongside her and helps to pilot the ship as it moves forward, a little slower than previously. WILLY: (To Jenny) But why are the games so ruthless? I thought Aldebaran was pacifist! JENNY: It is, but most of our race have interests in blood-sports, and the Queen has allowed Daphne to keep it upto keep her people happy. WILLY: Even though someone gets killed?! JENNY: (Turns to face Willy) But before Katrina changed the law, a fight to the death happened in every round! WILLY is silent as JENNY returns to fly the ship, until DEADEYE shouts from below. DEADEYE: (From below) Could ya slow down, laddies? Me stomachs' doin' backflips down here! JENNY: (Shouts) Sorry Deadeye, but its' either your stomach or Buckys' life! They continue to speed through space, with DEADEYE moaning and clasping his stomach. SCENE SIX The Arena, Aldebaran DAPHNE looks up at the audience, with the remaining four CAPTAINS sitting to the side. DAPHNE: (Over tannoy) And now we have the semi-final battles! Captain Kremmen v. Zemp Tyrquin! KREMMEN and TYRQUIN walk into the arena and are encased in another spotlight. DAPHNE: And following them is Bucky O' Hare v. Buzz Lightyear! BUZZ and BUCKY walk onto the arena. BUZZ: (To Bucky) Didn't see that one coming. BUCKY: Neither did I (!) Good luck, Buzz. BUZZ: And you, Buck. DAPHNE: With all our challengers in the arena, let the semi-finals begin! The fights begin, with BUCKY dodging friendly fire from BUZZ. KREMMEN seems to be triumphing over TYRQUIN, who has taking blows from the thronn-ray. KREMMEN: (To Tyrquin) Just be thankful I didn't decide to use a zilch gun. TYRQUIN: And be thankful I am merciful, otherwise I might do something like this! TYRQUIN glows an eerie pink colour. KREMMEN is suddenly paralyzed, and he drops his gun before he can fire. TYRQUIN stops glowing, and KREMMEN falls unconcious alongside the pistol. TYRQUIN backs away before he can be crushed. DAPHNE: In a spectacular feat of telepathic assault, Zemp Tyrquin has moved on to the next round! KREMMEN disappears and waits for the other fight to finish. Although BUZZ has superior muscle power, BUCKY is able to move faster being shorter. The fight ends when BUCKY kicks BUZZ in the leg, causing the human to topple over. BUCKY: (To Buzz) I win. BUZZ: But was it worth it? BUZZ disappears, and BUCKY turns to face TYRQUIN. DAPHNE: With just Bucky O' Hare and Zemp Tyrquin left, the final battle will begin for the ultimate prize! BUCKY leaps towards the red blob and leaps up before he can be tripped up by TYRQUINS' tentacles. TYRQUIN: (Slyly) Come now, O' Hare. Do you really think wars are won by running away? BUCKY: You should know! Your people allowed the Rutans to take you over! TYRQUIN: That is a lie! We had made a pact with the Rutan Empire so they would leave us be. BUCKY: And because you were ill-prepared, they decided to expand their borders! He tries to throw a punch at TYRQUIN, but the creature retaliates by glowing its' pink aura, stopping BUCKY from harming him. TYRQUIN: (Hisses) Only the weak would raise a fist so heartily, to hide their true feelings. Using a free leg, BUCKY kicks TYRQUIN hard, who screeches loudly. Upon removing his foot, TYRQUIN begins to secrete what appears to be purple blood from a small wound made by BUCKYS' foot. BUCKY: (Snarls) If I am so weak, why am I the victorious? He pulls out his maser pistol and aims it at TYRQUINS' head. TYRQUIN: Go ahead and pull the trigger. End my life! Wipe out my race! KILL THE AMOEBULONS! The audience fall silent in suspense, waiting to see what will happen next. BUCKY slowly relaxes his face, and eases the grip on his pistol. He then throws it to one side and moves back from TYRQUIN. BUCKY: I can't do it! This is what I'm supposed to be fighting, but instead I'm letting it take over! He looks at the audience, who all listen to him. BUCKY: The purpose of the Mammal Empire is to unite, and to stop carnage like this in Toad Factories! Instead, all it is doing is tearing people apart. I can't bring myself to wipe out a race, as that would make me no better than the Toads. TYRQUIN listens carefully to what BUCKY is saying and limps over to DAPHNE and whispers something. DAPHNE: My sisters, Zemp Tyrquin has requested that the contest be completed with a draw! The audience look surprised, as does BUCKY. DAPHNE: As this is the first draw we have ever had in the history of Aldebaran Gaming, I'm afraid I don't know what to do. BUCKY walks up to her. BUCKY: Perhaps I can make a suggestion. He whispers inaudibly to TYRQUIN, who nods and whispers to DAPHNE. DAPHNE: Both contenders have asked that from this day forward, no fight to the death will take place in this arena. With no judges in these games, then I, the Mistress of Games, declare that the games will have no death-rounds from this day forward. The audience applaud uneasily at first, but break out into a full encore. SCENE SEVEN A Launch Pad outside the Arena, a while later BUCKY is flagging down the Righteous Indignation as it slowly lands. Once the hatch opens, JENNY runs out and hugs him tightly. JENNY: Bucky! I was so worried I was going to lose you! BUCKY: (Uneasily) But I still didn't win. JENNY leans back slightly. JENNY: But...but you had to! You're still here! BUCKY: We both decided on a draw. I can't kill someone I've only just met Jenny, that would make me no better than some Toad. JENNY hugs him tighter. JENNY: I'm still glad you're safe though, Buck. SISTER DAPHNE appears from the shadows. DAPHNE: (To Jenny) You should be proud, Jenny. It is thanks to Bucky that no more innocent blood will be spilt in this arena. BUCKY uneasily lets' go of JENNY. BUCKY: But right now, I'd like to get my feet back on Genus soil. DAPHNE: That is understandable, Captain. May you fly peacefully. BUCKY and JENNY walk into the Righteous, and WILLY watches them walk in. WILLY: Gee, that's some shiner you've got, Captain! The Righteous slowly flies away once BUCKY and JENNY are aboard. Once the frigate is gone, DAPHNE pulls out a small notepad and scribbles on it. DAPHNE: (To herself) That should do fine for the Clash of Space Heroines, Pilot Jenny v. Atomic Betty. Two down, six to go! As she turns away, a strange flash is seen in the sky, like a pale- green comet passing by... THE END