"Chuck Bodgers In The 28th Century"
A Bucky O'Hare spinoff

by Andrew Norris

SCENE ONE

A FUTURISTIC SPACEPORT

A 6ft tall man in his thirties, straight brown hair, pale skin, bulging 
green eyes and a skin-tight, lime-green suit; walks down a metal 
corridor into a large Control Room. This is CHUCK BODGERS, the hero of 
our story. He walks up to a bald, short man in a lab coat, DOCTOR. S.T. 
ROID

CHUCK: You sent for me?

DOCTOR: Ah, yes Bodgers. We've discovered some rare plants on the 
Planet Herbos. They only originate from Mars, where they died out 
Millennia ago. 

He hands CHUCK a sheet. It shows a plant, overall maroon and scarlet.

DOCTOR: We want you to go to Herbos and collect some samples for us to 
study.

CHUCK: Roger, I'll get The Faithful ready for takeoff.

DOCTOR: The Space Scout is on board; he'll be waiting for you.

Exit CHUCK

SCENE TWO

COCKPIT OF BODGERS' SHIP, THE FAITHFUL

BODGERS is in a cushioned seat in the centre of the bridge. He is 
grasping some controls. At a side panel, beside him, is his assistant, 
THE SPACE SCOUT.

BODGERS: All ready to go, my eager Space Scout?

The SPACE SCOUT looks up. He bears extremely close resemblances to 
Willy Duwitt. Blonde, short cut hair, blue eyes, but the only 
differences are no glasses, and the SPACE SCOUT wears a skin-tight suit 
of deep blue

SCOUT: Yes, Captain Bodgers, we're all ready to go.

BODGERS: (To radio) Bodgers to Control, all systems are at green.

CONTROL: Roger. Launch in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1, zero and go!

With a roar of rockets, The Faithful is away in space. It is a whale of 
a size. A 400ft, white and blue striped monster, speeding its' way 
through black void.

CONTROL: Control here. Lift off AOK.

BODGERS: Roger, Control. We'll maintain contact when we reach Herbos. 
Bodgers out. 

SCOUT: Captain Bodgers, sir...

BODGERS: You can call me Chuck, y'know.

SCOUT: Yes, Captain. Do you think the Martians are involved?

BODGERS: I doubt it. Ever since Mercury spun out of orbit and froze 
everyone thanks to that idiot, Duck Dodgers, Mars and Venus have fought 
over it ever since.

SCOUT: Is that why the Martian Princess asked to marry you?

BODGERS: (Sternly) Never ask that in future, Space Scout.

SCOUT: Yes sir.

BODGERS: (Sighs) What's our current speed?

SCOUT: Ground Speed, 758 mph, Velocity 6.5, ETA: 20 minutes

BODGERS: Roger. Maintain present course.

SCENE THREE

PLANET HERBOS

The Faithful lands on a planet filled with flowers, herbs, fruit, 
trees, bushes and vegetables. The result of so much flora means there 
is more than enough oxygen to feed the galaxy. BODGERS and SPACE SCOUT 
disembark, and approach a cluster of the red plants DR. ROID showed 
earlier. BODGERS strokes the leaves, spreading out the dew.

BODGERS: These are artificial!

SCOUT: You mean these are false?

BODGERS: Yes, some kind of plastic.

SCOUT: Great, I could be watching 'Danger Mouse' right about now!

A figure approaches from behind, shoving SPACE SCOUT to the ground and 
restraining BODGERS. This is the PRINCESS OF MARS. She has overall 
black skin, fashioned with Imperial clothing like that of Cleopatra. 
She has waist-length white hair, sparkling blue eyes, and the usual 
figure of a female human, lacking a nose and mouth.

PR. MARS: At last, Bodgers. You're mine!

SCOUT: You again! So you planted the phoney flowers!
 
PR. MARS: Yeah, kid. Now beat it! With Bodgers by my side. Venus will 
be crushed.

BODGERS: (Straining to break free) What...makes you think...I'm going 
to... help?

PR. MARS: Well, sweetie. Right before you ran from the altar, you 
promised to do anything for me. 

BODGERS: (Furiously) Don't just stand there gawping, HELP ME!!!

SPACE SCOUT moves forward, but the PRNCESS OF MARS pulls out a ray gun, 
aiming it at SPACE SCOUT'S head.

PR. MARS: Take one more step, little boy, and this will go off.

SCOUT: You wouldn't dare.

PR. MARS: Try me.

A figure walks from behind, and fires a ray gun at the PRINCESS OF 
MARS' hands, causing her to let BODGERS go. The figure is the PRINCESS 
OF VENUS. She is a mere 4 feet tall, with leathery orange skin, two 
elliptical brown eyes, shoulder-length brown hair, the same Imperial 
clothing of the PRINCESS OF MARS, and her only missing appendage is a 
nose.

PR. MARS: (Rubbing her hands) Well, well. The Princess of Venus. What a 
surprise.

PR. VENUS: (To Bodgers) Come, Bodgers. I can get you away from here, so 
you may revenge your fraud wedding.

BODGERS: I'm not broken up about the wedding. Plus, I'd prefer Earth, 
thank you.

PR. MARS: That's right. Bodgers is with me. (Grabs Bodgers hand)

PR. VENUS: No, he is with Venus. (To Space Scout) You'd help, wouldn't 
you?

SCOUT: (Blushing madly) Oh, yes miss! You bet I would!

PR. MARS: You can have the little worm for all I care. Bodgers is mine!

PR. VENUS: (Grabs Bodgers other hand) No! Venus is Earths' ally. We 
allowed them to colonise parts of our planet.

PR. MARS: Only because you're too bloody weak!

They both let go of BODGERS, and begin to screech Martian and Venusian 
curses at one another.

PR. MARS: Gridio Xistuplen!

PR. VENUS: Quilltinoea de pilotzenno filthpoliquon!

This goes on for some time, until BODGERS fires his ray gun in the air, 
causing a huge echo to wave around the planet. The two Princesses are 
silent.

BODGERS: Right, if you want a flipping planet, you don't need to tear 
me in half!

PR. MARS: Well, what's your strategy then, Dr. Bodgers?

PR. VENUS: Yeah, lets' hear the experts point of view.

BODGERS: There's a little thing called sharing which you two babies 
seem to have forgotten. And you, (Pointing to PRINCESS OF VENUS) you 
just said Venus allowed Earthmen to their planet. If you did that for 
Earth, why the hell are you blowing Mars apart.

PR. VENUS: (Angrily) Because Earth is less aggressive than Mars!

PR. MARS: There see? If you didn't blow me up, we wouldn't be here.

BODGERS: (To Princess of Mars) And you should stop being such a bully! 
If you want allies, stop kidnapping their Ambassadors and blowing up 
their cities! 

The Princesses clear their throats, looking guilty.

BODGERS: (To Space Scout) Space Scout! A map of Mercury, if you please.

The SPACE SCOUT brings over a map of the planet Mercury. BODGERS gets 
out a felt tip pen and begins to scrawl over it.

BODGERS: Mercury can be split in to, with an 'Iron Curtain' separating 
them here. (Draws a line, splitting the map into two) Venus can have 
this part. (Writes 'V' on one half) And Mars can have the other. 
(Writes 'M' on the other half)

PR. VENUS: Excellent idea, Bodgers. I must return to Venus to show the 
citizens!

Exit PR. VENUS, closely followed by the SPACE SCOUT

PR. MARS: (To Bodgers) I'll let you go this time, Bodgers. But next 
time, I won't be so light.

Exit PRINCESS OF MARS. BODGERS sighs heavily.

SCENE FOUR

COCKPIT OF THE FAITHFUL

BODGERS is in his suit, reading a comic of 'Bucky O' Hare'. The SPACE 
SCOUT is looking at a photo admiringly, its back facing the audience.

BODGERS: Well, I wonder what the Protectorate will say about this.

SPACE SCOUT sighs admiringly.

BODGERS: Space Scout, what have you got there?

SPACE SCOUT shows him the photo, it is a picture of the PRINCESS OF 
VENUS, with "Give us a call anytime, my zilostian lover!" and her 
signature written below. 

BODGERS: Easy, Space Scout. You may end up like me.

SPACE SCOUT: What's that? Old?  A Brummy?

BODGERS: No, being on the run from a crazed Monarch for half of your 
life.

CONTROL: Control to Chuck Bodgers, you have full permission to land at 
Port 7, over.

BODGERS: Roger, patrol complete, over and out.

THE END