“The Mysterious Enigma”
Time-Travelling One Last Time

By Andrew Norris


Starring Rowan Atkinson as the Doctor


SCENE ONE - The Toad Mothership, somewhere in space

In a small office, TOAD AIR MARSHAL is speaking to THE GODTURTLE, who 
is leaning back in his chair which creaks loudly under his weight. TOAD 
AIR MARSHAL looks at THE GODTURTLE firmly.


AIR MARSHAL: Are you sure you've now got it?


GODTURTLE: (Via translator) Hey, it's no problem, huh? I can take care 
of that pesky rabbit for you. That is, of course, if I get my first 
payment in advance.


AIR MARSHAL: I told you, you'd be paid fully on completion of the 
mission!


GODTURTLE: No money, no Bucky O'Hare.


TOAD AIR MARSHAL groans angrily, admitting defeat, and pulls a small 
purse of money from a drawer in his desk and throws the purse in the 
GODTURTLE'S lap. The GODTURTLE empties some simoleons from the purse 
and toys with them in his flipper.


GODTURTLE: This had better be worth it, Air Marshal, or you'll wish 
you'd never crossed the GodTurtle!


He clambers out of his chair, which creaks violently, and makes his way 
out. Once the door is closed, TOAD AIR MARSHAL slumps back in his 
chair, groaning to himself.


AIR MARSHAL: He may be one of the best crimelords in the Aniverse, but 
he sure needs to lose weight!


SCENE TWO - The Righteous Indignation, Orwell Station, over Genus

DEADEYE and WILLY are going over the ship from top-to-bottom. DEADEYE 
is cleaning the ship, whilst WILLY is repairing it. Judging by the burn 
marks and the soot on the hull, it seems clear that the Righteous 
Indignation has been in a heavy battle.


WILLY: Boy, those Toads sure gave us a good beating! It'll take ages to 
have this all patched up.


DEADEYE: Aye, but I'm curious, Willy lad. Why would them Toadies be so 
interested in Ateo? Everybody knows that them Bats moved outta there 
years ago!


WILLY: Maybe they thought there was some kinda buried treasure or 
something.


He turns his head as BUCKY returns from his break. He is looking down 
on a sheet of paper with a puzzled look on his face. Immediately, WILLY 
and DEADEYE stop work to speak to him.


DEADEYE: What be the trouble, cap'n? Yer face be pretty low.


BUCKY: (Mumbling) It's these readings we took back on Ateo. As it turns 
out, the Bats were living on one of the largest deposits of radioactive 
ore in the Aniverse and they never even realised it.


WILLY: So the Toads wanted the ore so they could use it as an extra 
power source!


BUCKY nods silently, and then folds up the paper to put it in his 
pocket.


BUCKY: I guess once we put in the report back on Genus, we can consider 
that case closed.


A small gust of wind envelops them from out of nowhere, and DEADEYE 
overreacts by clinging onto his cap.


DEADEYE: Hey, what slimeball opened the airlock without depressurizin' 
first?


There follows a whooshing sound, and the trio look out into the 
corridor connecting the Righteous to Orwell Station, as a dark-blue 
police box materialises from out of nowhere. Once it has appeared 
fully, the wind dies away, and DEADEYE slaps his beak in disgust.


DEADEYE: (Whines) Oh, frell! Not that weirdo baboon again!


The door of the Police Box opens, and from within steps a tall man in a 
long, brown coat that conceals a red shirt underneath. The man (who is, 
in fact, THE DOCTOR) bears more than a passing resemblance to Rowan 
Atkinson, and speaks with Refined Pronounciation.


DOCTOR: (English accent, to Bucky and friends) Good evening, is this 
Orwell Station?


SCENE THREE - Control Room, Genus Control Centre, Genus

CORPORAL RICHARD NASS is at his control desk with the headphones 
plugged into the console. As he works quietly, he doesn't hear or 
notice KATAR, his Atlantean girlfriend, arrive in the elevator and walk 
over to him. Smiling, she places her hands over his eyes and purrs into 
his ear.


KATAR: Guess who?


NASS: (Grins) Sophia La Wren.


KATAR and NASS both laugh together as KATAR moves her arms so that 
they're wrapped around NASS'S arms. NASS moves his free hand to stroke 
one of KATAR'S own as he half-looks at the monitor and half-looks at 
KATAR.


KATAR: I guess things must be pretty quiet if you're in a good mood.


NASS: Well, there was one huge attack nearby a few days ago. We only 
just beat them Toads off, but I think they'll back down until their 
factories can get a few more cruisers up in space.


KATAR moves onto a chair beside NASS as they speak. Neither one of them 
notices on the scanners that a passenger ship is coming in to land, and 
that it has given the satellite clearance codes to allow it to pass 
safely onto Genus.


KATAR: I've just come back from the office. They told me about your 
decision over the Mammal Meteor. (looks at Nass earnestly) Are you sure 
you want to go through with it?


NASS: (Nods) It's not because I've grown tired of it, Katar, it's just 
that I have to choose between Genus Control or the racetrack. I only 
joined up to get some extra money, and now that I have it, I'm going to 
retire once this season is out.


The elevator opens again, and BANQUO, the steam-powered robot, glides 
into the Control Room.


BANQUO: Beg pardon, corporal, but the Righteous Indignation is about to 
touch down. They say they want to see whatever Admiral is available.


NASS silently nods as BANQUO leaves. NASS looks up at KATAR, but KATAR 
appears to understand his meaning, and pecks NASS on the cheek before 
leaving herself.


SCENE FOUR - Spaceport, Genus Control Centre, Genus

The passenger ship has landed, and the GODTURTLE is present, disguised 
in a white suit, a straw hat and dark glasses. As they approach the 
Customs checkpoint, THE GODTURTLE silently hands the CLERK a forged 
passport which identifies the GODTURTLE as "Martin Banjo".


CLERK: How long is your stay here, Mr. Banjo?


GODTURTLE: (Disguised voice) Only for two days. I'm here on business.


The CLERK silently accepts this and stamps the forged passport. As the 
GODTURTLE passes through the terminal building and out into the street, 
he notices the Righteous Indignation touching down at Genus Control. He 
smiles as he watches the frigate land, before moving away to plan his 
next move.


AT GENUS CONTROL...

Once the ship has landed, BUCKY and JENNY disembark, speaking to THE 
DOCTOR as he explains the situation to them both. Behind he group, 
BRUISER has the TARDIS draped over one arm and is carrying it like a 
crate. Behind BRUISER come DEADEYE and WILLY, keeping their distance 
from THE DOCTOR.


DOCTOR: ...and so I felt it only natural to come here and rectify that 
problem.


JENNY: (Skeptically) But how do you know that all that is going to 
happen?


DOCTOR: A simple case of time-travel, Jenny. We Time Lords can see the 
possibilities that might occur in time if something is or isn't 
affected.


BUCKY: OK, Doctor, I'll buy the fact that you've got the TARDIS and the 
know-how, but you haven't got the looks. How can we be certain you're 
not just some imposter?


DOCTOR: (Sighs) It's a little hard to explain, but my race can 
regenerate into another incarnation as a means of cheating death. Right 
now, though, my main concern is keeping the balance between Mammal and 
Toads in the Aniverse perfectly even.


Behind the group, DEADEYE and WILLY talk to one another in hushed 
tones.


DEADEYE: I don't like it, Willy me lad. What's some hairless baboon 
like him wanna help us for?


WILLY: He's just trying to help, Deadeye. I mean, I'm a hairless 
baboon, and I wanna help you!


DEADEYE: (crosses arms) Aye. I trust you, Willy me lad, but if this guy 
really be the Doctor, then this bilgewash'd better be good!


WILLY says nothing, and continues to walk behind the group, mulling 
things over in his mind.


SCENE FIVE - Genus Control Centre, Genus

BANQUO arrives back on the control deck via the elevator, and looks 
around, finding the floor empty.


BANQUO: Corporal Nass?


There is a thump from the broom cupboard, and BANQUO cautiously 
approaches. He opens the door, only to find NASS and KATAR making out 
inside. NASS' uniform is ruffled and half undone, whilst KATAR'S hair 
is in a complete mess. Both smarten themselves up as BANQUO listens to 
NASS.


NASS: (Nervously) Sorry, Banquo, but before you make any reports to 
higher up, this is still my lunch break!


BANQUO: (Under his breath) Yeah, and I'm really Rouge the Bat. (normal 
voice) There's a technician downstairs who says he's here to check the 
electronics on this level. Shall I let him up?


NASS: Give us a minute to smarten up first, then let him up.


BANQUO bows, and clanks back into the elevator. Once he's gone, KATAR 
makes her way to the stairs.


KATAR: (to Nass) I'd better go, too. Don't want people getting the 
wrong idea, do we?


NASS: (Laughs slightly) Give my regards to everyone back home, huh?


KATAR nods, and the two hug one another before departing. Once KATAR is 
gone, the elevator returns, carrying BANQUO and the GODTURTLE, now 
disguised as a caretaker and attempting to speak with an Australian 
accent, which seems to come across more as Norweigan.


BANQUO: Corporal, this is Engineer Merlin Dando, the electrician.


NASS: What's the reason for the check-up? We've had no faults recently.


GODTURTLE: (In disguised accent) Oh, good on you, mate. It's them 
drongos who write the regulations who sent me. Crikey, what a 
hullabaloo!


BANQUO rolls his eye-sensors in disbelief at this voice, as does NASS.


BANQUO: When you've finished, Mr. Dando, perhaps I can adjust your 
translator. It sounds a little out-of-tune.


GODTURTLE: Good on you, mate, but right now, let's get down to it.


Whilst NASS and BANQUO slowly return to their work, THE GODTURTLE 
sneaks over to the main fusebox and sets to work on his plan.


SCENE SIX - Rygar's Office, UAC Admiralty, Genus

FLEET-ADMIRAL RYGAR BLADE is sitting at his desk, as BUCKY, JENNY and 
THE DOCTOR deliver their story. Like DEADEYE and WILLY, who are not 
present, RYGAR appears skeptical.


RYGAR: Are you telling me that this man is the Doctor, but his face 
changes at will?


DOCTOR: Not at will, Admiral, but just as a means of cheating death.


BUCKY: I know it sounds crazy, sir, but every word of it is true.


RYGAR: (leans back in his chair) There is one way of proving that 
you're the Doctor.


DOCTOR: (raises and eyebrow) Yes, Admiral?


RYGAR: Simply tell us what you did the last time you were on Genus.


DOCTOR: Well, my previous visit to this planet was a little under two 
years ago, when with the help of Captain O'Hare and the rest of the 
Mammalian officers present, an invasion by a small force of Cyber-Toads 
was defeated. (pause) Is that what you meant?


RYGAR does not answer, but rubs his forehead as a headache comes on. 
After a moment, he sits up and looks at THE DOCTOR. BUCKY and JENNY 
stay where they are, but exchange nervous glances in silence.


RYGAR: Very well, Doctor, what is it you want?


DOCTOR: To keep the opposing sides of the Toad Wars fair, or at least 
as fair as warring factions can be, Admiral. There is a Toad spy 
somewhere on Genus, and if he is not found, then the S.P.A.C.E. will 
collapse as fast as you can blink.


Now RYGAR exchanges nervous glances with BUCKY and JENNY, whilst THE 
DOCTOR remains motionless, caught in the invisible triangle of nervous 
stares.


RYGAR: Then, if you would be so kind, you could explain to us how you 
came by this information.


DOCTOR: (Nods) Certainly. There was a point in the future where the 
Toads sent a sort of Trojan horse into Genus and helped to bring down 
it's planetary security systems, allowing KOMPLEX to seize control. Of 
course this hasn't yet, because I have come back in time to the moment 
before the trap can be set, you see?


RYGAR pulls a bottle of pills from his desk drawer as the headache 
evolves into a migraine. After swallowing two, he looks again at BUCKY.


RYGAR: Captain O'Hare, I'd be much obliged if you went with the Doctor. 
At the first sight of trouble, do your duty as an officer and arrest 
whoever or whatever is causing the grief around here, understand?


BUCKY: (Salutes) Yes, sir.


They march out, with THE DOCTOR in tow, whilst RYGAR leans back in his 
chair, muttering to himself.


RYGAR: I knew I should've taken up window-dressing instead of the navy.


SCENE SEVEN - Control Room, Genus Control Centre, Genus

THE GODTURTLE has finished his work, and turns his back so that he can 
see NASS and BANQUO, both of whom are brooding over a computer readout. 
THE GODTURTLE moves out of their earshot, and activates a miniature 
videophone built into his toolbox. TOAD AIR MARSHAL appears on the 
screen.


AIR MARSHAL: Is it done?


GODTURTLE: (quietly in his normal voice) All ready, Air Marshal. 
Captain O'Hare should be back on duty in five minutes. I'll wait until 
then to strike.


AIR MARSHAL: See that you do. (pause) What do you plan to do?


GODTURTLE: When he gets in the elevator, I'll cut the power and trigger 
the emergency air supply. I've rigged the ventilation systems so that 
the whole tower will be filled with cyanide gas once I've triggered it.


AIR MARSHAL: Good. Fail this and you'll pay, Air Marshal out.


THe screen goes blank, and THE GODTURTLE constantly looks over his 
shoulder as NASS and BANQUO still try to make sense of the monitors. 
THE GODTURTLE puts on a breathing mask, and prepares to throw the 
switch...


DOWNSTAIRS...

BUCKY, JENNY, WILLY, DEADEYE and THE DOCTOR all step into the elevator 
on the ground-floor and push the button for the top floor, where the 
control room is located.


WILLY: But how exactly do you plan to stop this spy from killing us, 
Doctor? You still haven't explained that, yet!


DOCTOR: Patience, Willy. I haven't explained yet because I'm waiting 
for the right moment. Once you see what I've already done, then you'll 
find out.


The doors close, and the elevator slowly ascends.


UPSTAIRS...

THE GODTURTLE counts the seconds on his wristwatch, and once the time 
is up, he throws the switch. But instead of destroying the Tower and 
everyone inside, THE GODTURTLE is electrocuted in a cacophony of 
electronic fizzing and agonising screams. NASS and BANQUO jump up in 
surprise at this, but keep their distance for fear of being 
electrocuted themselves. THE GODTURTLE finally lets go of the switch, 
and collapses to the floor, still writhing as the last ounces of life 
leave his crippled body.


BANQUO: (shocked) What in the name of George Stephenson was all that 
about?


NASS: No idea, but I've got a funny feeling we'll soon find out.


He moves over to a videophone and calls the RECEPTIONIST on the ground-
floor.


NASS: (to Videophone) Get me the Military Police! We have a saboteur 
and a murder inquiry to deal with!


Just then, the elevator slides open, and THE DOCTOR glides into the 
room, with BUCKY, JENNY ETC. in tow. THE DOCTOR keeps calm as he 
explains everything to NASS and BANQUO.


DOCTOR: Perhaps I can explain, Corporal. (pause) You see, that man who 
has just been electrocuted is The GodTurtle, who was sent to try and 
kill off Bucky O'Hare and his colleagues.


JENNY: So you went back in time, altered the damages The GodTurtle had 
made, and then disappeared before we arrived!


DOCTOR: Err, no. If I had done that, not only would Corporal Nass and 
his robot friend here had seen me, but I couldn't hide anywhere. The 
elevator is the only way down, and the stairs have a security lock at 
the bottom.


BUCKY: So how did you do it, Doctor?


DOCTOR: I went back even further in time to when the Genus Control 
Centre was first built, and met the architect responsible. I convinced 
him about the fear of sabotage, and so he relocated the main fusebox on 
the ground-floor, and this fusebox was just a trap that would 
electrocute anyone trying to tamper with it.


WILLY: (finishes his sentence) And the GodTurtle, who was posing as an 
electrician, fell into the trap and accidentally killed himself!


The group look down at the smouldering remains of THE GODTURTLE, as it 
steams quietly to itself.


SCENE EIGHT - Toad Mothership, somewhere in space

TOAD AIR MARSHAL is looking over a STORMTOAD who is spying on the 
Mammalian frequencies. On it is a news report given by a NEWSREADER who 
is a Golden Retriever in a suit.


NEWSREADER: ...but Sophia La Wren refused to comment on the matter. 
(pause) The crimelord known as The GodTurtle was posthumously arrested 
yesterday, after he accidentally electrocuted himself to death. The 
criminal, responsible for some of the biggest crimewaves in the 
Aniverse, was posing as an electrician in the hope of destroying the 
Genus Control Centre, the spaceport for the S.P.A.C.E., but fell into a 
booby-trap, and was killed...


AIR MARSHAL: (Mumbles) He can murder hundreds of lives, blackmail 
hundreds of leading statesmen, and gamble in hundreds of casinos...but 
he can't sabotage a simple fusebox!


STORMTOAD #1: Will you want a full report, Air Marshal?


AIR MARSHAL: Why would I want a report on a failure, soldier?


He marches away, grumbling incoherently to himself. THE STORMTOAD looks 
on with his brow furrowed in doubt.


SCENE NINE - The TARDIS, leaving the Aniverse

THE DOCTOR is back at the controls, and he looks over at the monitor as 
he leaves the planet Genus far behind. He smiles at the knowledge of a 
job well-done.


DOCTOR: So long, Captain O'Hare. A pleasant future, I hope. (claps 
hands) Now, what's next on my "To Do" list?


He pulls out a lengthy "To Do" list from his pocket, along with a black 
biro pen. At the very top of the list, there are already three tasks 
crossed out:


1) DEFEAT THE SHEEPSQUEEZERS OF SPLATTICAN V


2) PICK UP DRY-CLEANING FROM SVARTOS


3) HALT MOVELLAN CONQUEST OF PLANET SARN


THE DOCTOR takes his pen and crosses out the fourth task on his list:


4) SAVE PLANET GENUS FROM TOAD DOMINATION (ANIVERSE)


He then looks down the list to the fifth task on the list, and looks at 
it with particular interest.


5) VISIT PROF. EMMA SAWALHA AT ST. CEDD'S COLLEGE


DOCTOR: Right, off to St. Cedd's once again.


He flicks a few switches on the console, and the TARDIS disappears into 
the blackness of space.


THE END