Bucky O' Hare In
The Home Guard Gambit
By Andrew Norris

SCENE ONE
UAC HQ, Genus
FRITZ is present along with other council members, as well as 
COUNCILLOR SMIDGEN, BUCKY, DOGSTAR and CAPTAIN SHIRLEY SQUIRREL. 
FRITZ: We have just received an anonymous fund of 30, 000 simoleons to 
be spent on expanding our Home Guard. 
BUCKY: How do we know that this isn't a toad trick?
A few council members murmur in agreement. 
FRITZ: We can't be sure of that, Captain. The cheque was posted without 
a returning address, so we can't trace the sender. If anyone has any 
ideas on how this money is to be spent, please make your suggestions 
now. 
One council member, A PARROT, stands up.
PARROT: I believe that the Home Guard should be given better facilities. 
It is well known that when they were created, there were only 30 
warhorses that volunteered to join. Now, there are 85 or so, and Sol 
Avery's Meeting Hall seems inappropriate for such a large group. 
SMIDGEN: Mr. Agnew has made an excellent point, but it is also well 
known that the Home Guard also have few resources except firearms from 
the First Toad Wars. Now that we have such decent funding, I believe 
that the donation be made to give them better weapons, perhaps their 
own spacecraft. 
DOGSTAR: That is noted too, Mr. Smidgen, but it is also noted that the 
Home Guard were created for auxiliary defence, and some 21 captured 
Toad rifles were donated to them two weeks ago. 
AGNEW: I agree with Commander Dogstar. The antiquated weapons Mr. 
Smidgen spoke of earlier will soon be replaced by new technology as we 
receive it from Toad prisoners-of-war. 
BUCKY: We must also remember that the Home Guard is to be a part of 
Genus' Defence System; it can't function properly if it is given hand-
outs. We need to develop better technology if we are to progress.
FRITZ: Well, you've all made excellent decisions, but I believe it all 
boils down to Captain Squirrel. 
SHIRLEY: I agree with both Captain O' Hare and Mr. Agnew, but I need 
time to think it over with my troops.
FRITZ: Very well, meeting adjourned. 
 
The group begins to separate, while FRITZ & BUCKY begin to talk. 
BUCKY: Are you sure you can't trace the letter? A paper analysis 
perhaps? 
FRITZ: I'm afraid it's not that simple, Bucky. We simply can't afford 
any forensic equipment. 
BUCKY: (Sighs) I guess you're right. I just want to know who sent that 
donation.
FRITZ: At least its something, the Home Guard deserves a break.

SCENE TWO
Outside Sol Avery's Meeting Hall
Several stuffed dummies have been set up for target practice. All of 
the troops have bayonets fixed onto their rifles, while some are 
fortunate to have brand new Toad Rifles. LT. BILLON, the pelican and 
second-in-command of The Home Guard, is giving instructions to the men, 
who are lined up in rows of five. 
BILLON: Each section will take a turn on these dummies. You are to use 
your bayonets, and don't dawdle. The first section to complete their 
practice and have lined up will receive a small reward afterwards. 
Section Leaders step forward. 
The troops on the front of each section step forward. They are CORPORAL 
KINGSTON, PRIVATE CLEAVE and PRIVATE SWAN. 
SWAN: My section's going to win this; I could do with a pint of beer.
BILLON: Go!
They all start running towards the dummies, stabbing their bayonets 
into the stuffing and lining up on the opposite side of the dummies. 
The next three have their turn, and so it goes on. None of them notice 
someone watching them from a sewer. 

SCENE THREE
A Toad Mothership near Genus
THE FLEET PILOT is busy going through some documents on the bridge, 
while his MOTHERSHIP PILOT steers the ships' giant helm. The radio 
buzzes and THE FLEET PILOT answers it.

F. PILOT: Yes?

RADIO: (Raspy voice) The Home Guard has received the donation, and no 
doubt they'll begin the construction of their new HQ eventually. 

F. PILOT: Keep me informed on the UAC'S activities. 

RADIO: What about my pay?

F. PILOT: You'll get it once the Defence barriers are crippled, Fleet 
Pilot out. 

He severs the link and turns to THE MOTHERSHIP PILOT.

F. PILOT: Not long now, Mothership Pilot. We'll have Captain O' Hare in 
the Death Chamber before long.

M. PILOT: That is good news, sir. What about his pay? Surely an 
inferior mammal such as he doesn't deserve the rights to existence by 
the Toad Empire.

F. PILOT: (Smiles evilly) I like your attitude, Mothership Pilot. 
You're right, after he messed up the sabotage attempt for Toadborg; I 
seriously doubt that our friend will even see the light of day again. 
How's the course?

M. PILOT: We're on free-float by Quanta, and will approach Genus in 
approximately 20 minutes.

F. PILOT: Very precise! I am pleased with your work. Keep it up, and 
don't disappoint me. I need to report to Toadborg. 

He walks over to a small computer screen, and the face of TOADBORG 
shows up.

TOADBORG: Well? What have you to report?

F. PILOT: We are in orbit of Quanta, and our field agent is taking care 
of the auxiliary defence as we speak.

TOADBORG: What about the Defence Shield?

F. PILOT: Not to worry. The shield will be de-activated once we are 
certain that there is no threat of ground resistance. 

TOADBORG: See that you do. I don't want your promotion to Field Marshal 
to go to waste, Fleet Pilot. I feel your Mothership Pilot appears to 
have progressed more than you. Prove me wrong by making this mission a 
success. 

The link is severed, and THE FLEET PILOT snarls. 

F. PILOT: (Fumes) Keep your eyes on that course, Mothership Pilot!

SCENE FOUR
Genus Control Centre
CORPORAL NASS is busy at work, when FRITZ enters with KADAF. 
FRITZ: Anything, Nass?
NASS: Two things, Chairman. The Fearless is complete, and all that's 
needed is a crew. But there's something strange.
KADAF: What?
NASS: The moment it was completed, we had an application for crewmember 
by someone calling himself Dr. Stanley Franck. 
FRITZ: Any qualifications?
NASS: He had advanced diplomas in Nuclear Physics and Biochemistry from 
the Graham Institute. 
FRITZ: That's a good start; have him made Second Mate on the Fearless, 
and probably First Mate, depending on how he works. What's the other 
thing?
NASS: We've picked up a Toad Mothership in orbit of Quanta. We've 
identified it as the Fleet Pilot's ship. 
FRITZ: Keep an eye on him, will you? The Fearless leaves for Orwell 
station soon. 
NASS: Must be hard on the Colonel.
KADAF: Yeah. Being in charge of that Space Station and working your 
butt off down here isn't exactly roses and tulips for me. 
FRITZ: Still, it's got to be done. Have Captain O' Hare on standby, 
just in case. 
DOWN IN BAY 1C...
The Fearless is shining like a new pin alongside the Righteous 
Indignation. COLONEL RAUL MEW is eager to get started, while BUCKY & 
JENNY gives him their regards. 
BUCKY: Well, its good to see her in good shape.
RAUL: This is a big day for me, and I just can't wait to get up into 
space.
BUCKY: No doubt Captain Squirrel's just as excited over her donation.
RAUL: Yeah, what was she spending it on again?
JENNY: She says she'll speak to the troops about it. Probably, they'll 
end up building a new HQ. 
RAUL: Anyway, here comes Dr. Franck now.
Sure enough, a spindly little WEASEL hobbles toward them. He is now 
wearing a UAC uniform of purple with golden lining. His two darting 
eyes are bloodshot, or so they seem, whilst his brownish fur is ruffled 
and messy. He salutes RAUL and he salutes back. 
WEASEL: Second Mate Stanley Franck reporting for duty. 
RAUL: Very good. Let's get going; Orwell won't wait. 
The pair enters the frigate as it flies off into space. BUCKY & JENNY 
turn towards their own ship, where DEADEYE and WILLY are making repairs. 
BUCKY: How is she looking, Willy?
WILLY: I've fixed the electromagnetic transmitter. The shield should be 
working fine now. It's good to see that Colonel Mew is up in space 
again. 
BUCKY: At least it'll do until our Sub-Lieutenant gets back.
DEADEYE: Gets back? Where is he goin', if it ain't too much of me 
askin'? 
JENNY: Fireball XL6 has been sent to take care of things on Noctur 4 
now that the Valentine has been destroyed. He should be back in a few 
days time. 
DEADEYE: As long as he's out o' my sight, he can stay there! 
BUCKY: That's not our problem at the moment; the donation is. 

SCENE FIVE
The Fearless
The bridge is now spick and span, with brand new controls and gauges 
fitted and made with various metals. RAUL is concentrating on the way 
ahead, while SECOND MATE STANLEY FRANCK is tinkering with his 
wristwatch.
RAUL: (Glances quickly) Something wrong with your watch?
STANLEY: No, I'm just trying to set the time. The guy who gave me this 
was a conman.
RAUL: Well, what time does it read?
STANLEY: It reads that you have exactly 17 seconds left to live unless 
you co-operate. 
RAUL: What?
STANLEY pulls out a gun, and neatens his hair to reveal that he is 
FRANKENSTOAT. RAUL slowly puts his hands up.
FRANKENSTOAT: Now, Colonel. You are going to tell me the Clearance 
codes for the Defence system. 
RAUL remains silent, knowing that FRANKENSTOAT is up to something. 
FRANKENSTOAT: Not talking? Not to worry, I still now one or two tricks.
Still aiming the gun at RAUL, FRANKENSTOAT punches in the codes to the 
Defence System into the computer, and the satellites are disarmed.
RAUL: (Angry) Where did you get those codes.
FRANKENSTOAT: So, you forget Councillor Slammer do you? 
RAUL: But why, Frankenstoat? We can help you!
FRANKENSTOAT: (Scoffs) I asked for help with my experiments, but that 
help never came. And now, with my work complete, I will be avenged, and 
they will suffer like I did, waiting for the help that never came. 
Shadowing over the Fearless comes the Fleet Pilots' Mothership. A swarm 
of Double Bubbles fly out and surround the Fearless. RAUL begins to man 
the maser cannon, while FRANKENSTOAT stares at the Toads surrounding 
him.
FRANKENSTOAT: (To Radio) Fleet Pilot, what's the idea? I want my 
simoleons! 
F. PILOT: Sorry, Frankenstoat, but you're still only a mammal even if 
you are a smart one. 
RAUL begins to fire at the Double Bubbles, destroying several, but more 
and more are still pouring from the Mothership. Several have now seized 
control of Orwell Station, and are landing or orbiting two at a time. 
From the mouth of the Mothership comes a larger Double Bubble with 
three cockpits and a larger body. THE FLEET PILOT is sat in the centre 
cockpit, with two TOAD NAVIGATORS in the other. Four more Double 
Bubbles are following, as they make their way into Genus' atmosphere.
F. PILOT: This is Triple Bubble to Flying Circus. We are to bombard the 
city with slimebombs, and then destroy the HQ of the Genus Home Guard. 
As they will no doubt be celebrating, they will all be together, giving 
us a better chance of destroying them. 

SCENE SIX
Genus Control Tower
The Flying Circus flies past the tower, dropping silver bullet-shaped 
canisters that explode into fountains of slime as they hit the ground. 
An alarm is wailing inside the tower, as TECHNICIANS run back and forth 
frantically. CORPORAL NASS is still busy at his desk, while FRITZ runs 
up.
FRITZ: (Furious) What the hell is going on?
NASS: It's the Mothership! They're bombarding the City with slimebombs! 
Some kind of Toad Triple Bubble and several Double Bubbles are the 
cause of it all. 
FRITZ: Triple Bubble? 
NASS: Yes, sir. The Toads appear to have taken over Orwell Station, and 
have gained access to the planet!
FRITZ: Get every ship available to do battle, and see if the Home Guard 
can get civilians out of danger. 
NASS: But sir! The only ships available are our own Frigates and a 
fleet of Garbage Scows!
FRITZ: Just do it! We need everything we've got against that squadron!

SCENE SEVEN
Genus City Centre
A fleet of 5 garbage scows are flying overhead to do battle with the 
invaders. The leading craft, "Defiant", has her single barrel maser 
cannon ready. The Righteous Indignation is flying alongside with the 
Indefatigable and Screaming Mimi. Several more Double Bubbles have 
arrived and have formed an enormous squadron with the Triple Bubble and 
the Flying Circus. 
INSIDE THE DEFIANT...
The single-seated cockpit echoes the spaceship belonging to Hoots Verne. 
Everything is oily and filthy, with some wires exposed from the cracked 
machinery. At the controls is A MERKAT, with the uniform of a Council 
Worker. 
MERKAT: Commodore Sinclair Wells to all craft, prepare to do battle. 
He listens as all Garbage Scows begin to acknowledge.
INSIDE THE RIGHTEOUS....
BUCKY is sat with JENNY, and is ready to save Genus once more.
 
BUCKY: Captain O' Hare to Defiant, get ready.
SINCLAIR: (On radio) Roger, Righteous Indignation. Good luck. 
BUCKY: Jenny, bring all engines to full power. 
JENNY: (Pulls a lever) Power building...Power on!
Pure hell breaks out across the sky, as the vast fleet of Double 
Bubbles and the odd cavalry of frigates and Garbage Scows begin to do 
battle with one another.  Both the Righteous Indignation and the 
Defiant are taking the most hits, but some 11 Double Bubbles have been 
shot down. At one point, the fourth Garbage Scow, WING COMMANDER SLUDGE, 
a chubby Toad with a single blue-ribboned medal, shoots down one of the 
Scows. 
SINCLAIR: Warrior! No!
F. PILOT: Well done, Sludge!
SLUDGE: (Chortles) This is just too easy!
The Defiant attempts to destroy WING COMMANDER SLUDGE, but his 
manoeuvres are too much. The Righteous is able to destroy several of 
the Double Bubbles, however THE FLEET PILOT is able to shoot the 
Screaming Mimi on her tailfin.
BUCKY: Mimi! Are you OK?
MIMI: We're fine, but I'll have to withdraw
DEADEYE: Roger to that, Mimi lass, I'll be coverin' ya.
DEADEYE begins to give the Screaming Mimi covering fire as she 
withdraws. During the process, two more Garbage Scows are destroyed 
along with twenty-six Double Bubbles. The Indefatigable takes a bad hit 
on her maser cannon, and spirals down atop of a building. She appears 
to be in one piece, but is badly shaken. 
JENNY: Come in, Commander. Are you hurt?
DOGSTAR: We're OK, Jenny, but RumbleBee is out of action. You're on 
your own now. 
With the mammal fleet of two Garbage Scows and one Frigate against 
ninety-three Double Bubbles and one Triple Bubble, the battle continues 
to rage, but it appears the Toads may finally win, when...
An explosion is heard from the ground, destroying three Double Bubbles 
in one blast. THE FLEET PILOT and WING COMMANDER SLUDGE look below them. 
F. PILOT: What was that? 
SLUDGE: It can't be the Indefatigable. 
Another explosion takes out another five Double Bubbles. The mammal 
fleet of three turn their direction down to that ground, and notice a 
peculiar war machine rattling along the High Street. Through the rubble 
of the building that Indefatigable crashed into comes a Mk. 1 British 
tank from the First World War. Amidst the camouflage is the UAC emblem 
painted on in gold, and the letters "UAC" painted in orange underneath 
the cockpit. The tank is very noisy, and growls along at a mere 6 mph. 
Several maser rifles are attached across her rhombus hull, each firing 
at the Toad Fleet one at a time. She rumbles past the Indefatigable 
with an independent roar of engines, leaving LT. WOLF baffled. 
BUCKY: What is that?
JENNY: Someone to help, hopefully. 
Knowing that the Toad Fleet are now distracted, SINCLAIR opens fire on 
the Toad fleet, destroying one Double Bubble and seven that are caught 
in the crossfire. THE FLEET PILOT re-arms himself, but the WW1 tank 
opens fire on the Double Bubble, spurting the pink escape pods out into 
space. The battle resumes itself, but with the tank fighting on the 
Mammal side, some Toads retreat in cowardice. Others fight to the death 
until there are only nine Double Bubbles left, and they are forced to 
retreat. The three ships begin to rejoice. 
WILLY: We did it! 
BUCKY: Yeah, and now to find out about our friend. 

SCENE EIGHT
Outside the remains of Graham's Greengrocer & Fruiterer 
The tank is now silent, as its occupant has cut power. BUCKY & JENNY 
are present with DOGSTAR, LT. WOLF, FRITZ and CORPORAL NASS.
FRITZ: (Taps on tank) Come on, open up! Let's see who you are. 
The tank hatch opens up, and the face of PRIVATE HENDERSON, a fair-
haired rabbit about 30 years old, pops out.
FRITZ: Who are you?
HENDERSON: I'm Private Richard Henderson of the Genus Home Guard, sir.
BUCKY: I've never heard of you, and I should know, I used to run the 
Home Guard.
HENDERSON: You won't know me straight away, sir, because I've only just 
enlisted as the Home Guards tank crewman. 
DOGSTAR: Tank crewman, old boy?
HENDERSON: Yes, along with Private Pierce. Captain Squirrel had only 
just purchased this to strengthen the Home Guard in emergencies such as 
the battle that just happened. 
JENNY: But this tank hasn't been used since the First Toad Wars, why 
would she buy another antiquated weapon?
PRIVATE PIERCE, an elderly hedgehog, clambers up the hatch alongside 
HENDERSON. 
PIERCE: The troops voted that we use weapons that we've been accustomed 
to during our military days. I remember when we used to drive these 
when I was in the Battle of Vardien. 
DOGSTAR: (Reminisces) Yes, those were the days. 
CORPORAL NASS suddenly receives a message on his walkie-talkie. He 
listens to it and addresses FRITZ.
NASS: That was Orwell Station, sir. We've regained control and we have 
several Toads as Prisoners-Of-War. Colonel Mew has also captured 
Frankenstoat, and is shipping him off to Conva now. 
FRITZ: Good! Carry on Corporal.
BUCKY: (To Henderson) Thanks for helping us out, back there.
HENDERSON: No problem, Captain. It felt good to fricassee some Toads 
anyway. 
JENNY: So, everything's back to normal, eh?
BUCKY: I hope so, Jenny. I sincerely hope so. 

SCENE NINE
The Toad Homeworld
KOMPLEX, TOADBORG and TOAD AIR MARSHAL are present at a Court Martial. 
Standing in the dock is THE FLEET PILOT, whimpering, his suit a mess of 
blood and dirt. 
TOADBORG: Answer KOMPLEX when he speaks! Do you confess?
F. PILOT: (Weak) Y...Yes, I am sorry, mighty KOMPLEX. 
TOADBORG: Did you hear anything, Air Marshal?
AIR MARSHAL: No, Toadborg, probably a little newt being stepped on. 
KOMPLEX: Well, maybe we can ask our little jury. 
In the jury stand are several Toads and other reptile creatures. Some 
of the jury include WING COMMANDER SLUDGE, AL NEGATOR, FRIX, FRAX, 
CAPTAIN SMATA and THE MOTHERSHIP PILOT, now dressed in a high-ranking 
uniform. 
KOMPLEX: Well, Field Marshal, have your jury reached a verdict?
M. PILOT: (Stands up) Yes, mighty KOMPLEX. We find Silas Watkins, Fleet 
Pilot to the Toad Empire, guilty of insubordination and high treason.
F. PILOT: What? You can't do this to me? I've sacrificed my life to you. 
KOMPLEX: (Sharply) Silence! 
Two lasers blast from KOMPLEX'S eyes, burning THE FLEET PILOT into 
ashes. He is no more. 
AL NEGATOR: Now that's what I call a top-notch barbecue. 
TOADBORG: The trial is over and the jury is dismissed.
The Jury leaves their seats, and TOADBORG leaves. KOMPLEX turns to THE 
AIR MARSHAL.
KOMPLEX: I knew that fool couldn't be trusted. 
AIR MARSHAL: What do you intend to do now, mighty KOMPLEX?
KOMPLEX: It is not I who will do anything, Air Marshal; it's you. I 
want you to find a weakness in those mammals that will surely cripple 
them. Already, my colonies on Oceanus 7 have been lost, but any 
weakness mentally or physically must be found. You have 72 hours.
AIR MARSHAL: Yes, sir.
The screen goes blank, and THE AIR MARSHAL pulls out a piece of paper 
showing the ranking system of the UAC, working its way from the top 
with "CHAIRMAN FRITZ ISSAC WARNER" down to the bottom with "EARTH AGENT 
ZAKARIA AHMED ZEROX"
AIR MARSHAL: (Smiles) And so, the game begins...

THE END
NEXT EPISODE: CHECKMATE