"The Toad Invasion of Earth" by Andrew Norris SCENE 1 CONTROL ROOM, TOAD MOTHERSHIP TOADBORG enters from a door offstage, which we hear shutting behind him, KOMPLEX looks at him from his mobile TV screen, taking his eyes off TOAD AIRMARSHALL KOMPLEX: You requested an audience, Toadborg? TOADBORG: Yes, I may have found a way to settle Bucky O' Hare once and for all. KOMPLEX: Go on. TOADBORG: In the last years, many of his allies or agents have come from the same dimension as Willy Duwitt. All from the same planet, Planet Earth. If the Earth were to be invaded, his baboon friends can be obliterated within minutes. Using their primitive technology, Bucky O' Hare will be no more! AIRMARSHALL: One problem, Toadborg. How the hell do we reach Earth?! TOADBORG: It is obvious to you, Airmarshall, that you have forgotten the Black Hole in Sector 4... SCENE 2 PRISON BLOCK, PLANET CONVA A PRISON GUARD walks through narrow corridors of prison cells. He walks up to one of the cells, where muffled shouting can be clearly heard. GUARD: Pipe down in there! SHIRA O' NEILL pops her head out from the small window, her face more livid than anything SHIRA: Will you please tell this idiot to leave me alone? The voice of JACK SLICER booms from inside the cell JACK: Go with the flow, Shira. We're both Toad Agents, meant for one another. GUARD: What are you pair up to? SHIRA: I'm not sharing a cell with this prat if he's going to pinch my arse all day! GUARD: One more peep out of either of you and... An explosion interrupts him. The wall at the far end of the corridor is blown apart. Several Toads march in, and fire their masers at the GUARD, who finally drops dead. TOADBORG marches through the gap in the wall, and stops at the cell where SHIRA and JACK are kept. TOADBORG: Jack? Shira? SHIRA: Yes, Toadborg? JACK: Finally come to collect our prizes have we? TOADBORG: We have a little job for you. JACK and SHIRA listen carefully, their rabbit ears pricked up in interest. SCENE 3 UAC HQ, GENUS Around the table where the council members sit, are the crews of The Righteous Indignation, Indefatigable, Screaming Mimi and the XL6. CHAIRMAN FRITZ WARNER clears his throat, and shuffles a set of papers. FRITZ: Firstly, I want to point out the unusual break in at the Prison Planet, Conva, which occurred last week. BUCKY: Any idea on who escaped. FRITZ: Only two people escaped, killing several guards in the process. BUCKY: And they are? FRITZ: You won't believe this, but it was Shira O' Neill and Jack Slicer. BUCKY begins to remember his time with the two fugitives. His schooldays with Jack on Warren, and when he dated Shira at one point. Both Toad Agents now, and no longer had his trust. FRITZ: Well Mimi, when you were there did you find anything? MIMI: Only that the attackers were toads, and that Toadborg was among them. Before MIMI can add anything else, the intercom crackles, only the audio is clear. AIRMARSHALL: (On Radio) Now hear this, you despicable hairballs! Your precious little Willy Duwitt will soon lose his home to the Toad Empire, and there's' nothing you can do about it! (Laughs evilly as radio goes dead) Everyone looks at WILLY, who is in a state of shock. WILLY: Oh my god! They want to invade Earth? FRITZ: I guess our only chance is to beat them there, and make sure the Earthpeople know nothing of it. ANDREW: Wait! Wait! Wait! I can't go back there! BUCKY: We have to save Willys' planet, it's yours too, remember? ANDREW: Yeah, but do you know what happens if I go back there? (Moves his hand along his neck, imitating the act of having his head cut off) MIMI: Hello! (Knocking on ANDREWS' head) Anyone in there? There is a thing called disguise. ANDREW: I've only got the one suit, but.... BUCKY: We don't have time for this! Just get that thing on and lets' go! DOGSTAR: Right behind you, old chap! Exit ALL, leaving the Council and FRITZ alone. FRITZ: OK, bye then. SCENE 4 SECTOR 4, DEEP SPACE A black hole is clearly visible as it sucks up a nearby white dwarf. The Toad Mothership hovers nearby. SCENE 5 TOAD MOTHERSHIP In control of a metallic helm is the MOTHERSHIP PILOT. His uniform is different to that of a normal Storm Toad. His helmet is a dark red rather than green, and his radio headset is labelled with 'P' rather than 'K'. His uniform is more flexible, and two epilates made of a purplish metal stick out from his uniform. PILOT: Ready for entry, sir. KOMPLEX: Excellent. Is the homing device set? PILOT: Yes, sir. Frix and Frax are placing it in orbit around he planet Hedera now, sir. KOMPLEX: Good, it will help us home once we've dealt with those meddling monkeys. SCENE 6 IN ORBIT AROUND THE PLANET HEDERA FRIX and FRAX are placing a squat, box-like satellite in orbit around the planet. The Toad Mothership floats nearby, with the Black Hole just visible from off-screen FRIX: (Whining) Why do we always get the dirty work? FRAX: Stop whinging, Frix. We could get promoted for this. FRIX: Yeah, right. (Lets go off satellite) Remember when we both became Airmarshalls? FRAX: That was in the past, forget it! (Places satellite in position) Besides, we could even get to be Lieutenants for this! FRIX: Keep on dreaming' Frax, that'll never happen. PILOT: (On intercom) Calling Frix and Frax. Is the homing device in place? FRAX: (Picking up Intercom) Roger, Fleet Pilot. All systems are go. PILOT: Roger. Return to the Mothership at once. We are ready for launch. FRIX: Oh boy! Lunch! PILOT: I said 'Launch', not 'Lunch' you tadpole! FRIX: Sorry, Fleet Pilot, we're returning to the Mothership. FRIX and FRAX exit, hovering back to the Mothership. From the dark side of Hedera, the Righteous Indignation comes into view. SCENE 7 COCKPIT OF THE RIGHTEOUS INDIGNATION BUCKY and JENNY are accompanied by WILLY, DEADEYE and BRUISER. JENNY and BUCKY are sat in their seats, with the rest peering out from behind. JENNY: Well, at least they've made our journey home a bit easier. DEADEYE: Aye, but what if its' a trap, a decoy? BRUISER: (Slurping) Yeah, perhaps its' a bomb. BUCKY: Nevertheless, we have to take a chance. WILLY: Let's just hope we're lucky. BUCKY: So do I. (Activates Radio) Dogstar, are you ready? SCENE 8 COCKPIT OF THE INDEFATIGABLE DOGSTAR and WOLF are in their seats DOGSTAR: Roger Bucky. We'll keep these slimy critters off your tail. Good hunting. SCENE 9 COCKPIT OF THE RIGHTEOUS INDIGNATION BUCKY: Thanks. Mimi, Andrew, are you ready? SCENE 10 COCKPIT OF THE SCREAMING MIMI MIMI and JOHNATHON are seated. MIMI: The Screaming Mimi is go, go, go! SCENE 11 COCKPIT OF MAMMALIAN RESCUE SHIP XL6 ANDREW is alone in the single seated cockpit. He is now wearing a suit, which makes him seem more like Isambard Kingdom Brunel. A huge top hat rests on his greasy, brown hair, whilst a tuxedo conceals his stout figure. As an addition, he is smoking a cigar. ANDREW: XL6 ready. I still feel stupid though. Why couldn't I just wear my kilt? SCENE 12 COCKPIT OF THE RIGHTEOUS INDIGNATION BUCKY: Never mind the fashion statements, lets' just do this! (Pulls a lever forward) SCENE 13 SECTOR 4, DEEP SPACE The Indefatigable lunges forward, blasting the hull of the Mothership. As it does so, the Righteous Indignation, the Screaming Mimi and XL6 sneak past and disappear through the Black Hole in a brilliant flash of blinding white light. SCENE 14 TOAD MOTHERSHIP The blasts from the Indefatigable cause the ship to rock and shudder. FRIX and FRAX simply can't find their balance, and the MOTHERSHIP PILOT is using the metal helm for support. KOMPLEX: What the devil is going on? PILOT: A mammal ship is attacking sir, its' the Indefatigable. Shall I send out the fighters? KOMPLEX: No, we need every fighter we have to conquer Earth; we may wipe out the Mammals afterwards. PILOT: As you wish. The Toad Mothership rockets down the Black Hole and disappears. SCENE 15 COCKPIT OF THE INDEFATIGABLE DOGSTAR and WOLF are left staring at the Black Hole, both silent. WOLF: I sure hope those guys make it. DOGSTAR: So do I, Wolf. So do I. SCENE 16 BUCKINGHAM PALACE, LONDON. DECEMBER 2003. HRM QUEEN ELIZABETH II is listening to the tapes recording Diana, Princess of Wales, on TV. It is obvious by the desperate look on her face that she is both angry and upset. She is almost nodding off to sleep, when a BUTLER enters. BUTLER: Excuse me, your majesty, but you have an urgent telephone call. QUEEN: Who is it, Charles? BUTLER: I am unsure, your majesty. They only wish to speak to you. QUEEN: Very well, then. She gets up, and walks over to a telephone in the far corner of the room. The BUTLER soon leaves, closing the door behind him. QUEEN: Yes. PRESIDENT: (On phone) Your Majesty, this is President Bush. QUEEN: How can I help you, Mr. Bush? PRESIDENT: You won't believe this, but we've picked up some weird spaceships landing in England. QUEEN: (Angrily) Mr. Bush, is this a joke? I'm not in the mood for fun and games. PRESIDENT: I assure you, Your Majesty. This is no joke. QUEEN: Well, it would be appreciative to know where they're landing. PRESIDENT: As far as we know, there are three of them, all landing outside Birmingham. QUEEN: If you are so sure, I may see if you are right. And if I find out you've been quoting from 'War Of The Worlds', I will not be very pleased. Slams the phone down. QUEEN: Charles! Enter BUTLER, who has been listening in on the whole thing. BUTLER: You called, your majesty? QUEEN: Yes, prepare my car. We are taking a trip to Birmingham. I want no escorts. I want to be incognito on this trip. BUTLER: As you wish, your majesty. Exit BUTLER SCENE 17 BIRMINGHAM. The Righteous Indignation and the Screaming Mimi land outside the ThinkTank Museum, frightening away some Security Guards and teenagers with skateboards. XL6 lands on a stretch of road named 'Curzon Street', right next to the old railway station. The parcels depot has been completely blocked by XL6s' huge wings. All crews disembark, and meet up next to the Righteous Indignation. BUCKY: Alright, so where are we, Willy? WILLY: Gee, this sure ain't San Francisco. I think we're on a different part of the planet. ANDREW: I know where we are. Birmingham City, England. (Pointing to Curzon Street Station) I remember that station from when I still owned a museum. WILLY: Yeah but, why are we in the year 2003? Why not 2068 where Andy comes from? BLINKY: Humble android suggest time co-ordination disrupted by Toad Homing Device. BUCKY: Hm, maybe. BRUMMY: Ere, who are you? They all spin round to be confronted by a BRUMMY. He is a typical, bully-like character. His pale blue eyes rest below a mound of spiky, blonde hair. His clothes are merely a worn-out T-shirt and a set of baggy jeans, and two designer trainers sticking out from the bottom. BRUMMY: (Gazing at ANDREWS' clothes) Wot you supposed to be? ANDREW: (Coughing, smelling the onions in his breath) Myself. BRUMMY: More like a (BLEEP)...ing (BLEEP) He looks at everyone else, sneering angrily BRUMMY: Y'all look like summat y' get from th' shops. Not t' mention yer tiny. BRUISER: (Steps forward, seething) What'd you call my buddies? BRUMMY: (Stammering, shocked at BRUISERS' height) Erm, err... bye! BRUMMY runs off, as a black saloon car pulls up towards them. Out of the car steps HRM QUEEN ELIZABETH II. She steps forward, while they step back. HRM is dressed in casual clothing, so as not to be recognised by others. QUEEN: As the Queen of Earth, I welcome you to my planet. BUCKY: Erm, thanks your majesty. QUEEN: Why have you come here? JENNY and BUCKY stare at one another BUCKY: (To QUEEN) You'd best come into my ship. They all enter the ship, while MIMI and ANDREW are left to guard the ships outside. Neither realise that SHIRA is watching them from the shadows. SHIRA: (To radio) I've spotted them. They're talking to one of the baboons in their ship. TOADBORG: (On Radio) Are any of them vulnerable to attack? SHIRA: Only two. Mimi LeFleu and that geeky baboon in the XL6. TOADBORG: Get them out of the way first. Grab their weapons, and then try to take Bucky and his crew hostage. Where is Jack? SHIRA: He's placing up the beacon now, which should guide you down. TOADBORG: Very well, and remember you will be paid 2,500 simoleons for this. SHIRA: You won't regret it. Shira out. (Severs radio link) SCENE 18 ARMOURY OF RIGHTEOUS INDIGNATION BUCKY and co. are discussing with HRM QUEEN ELIZABETH II, with the company of the crews of the Screaming Mimi and XL6. QUEEN: ...and you say these Toads are...evil? BUCKY: As unusual as it may seem, yes. QUEEN: And where you come from is a parallel universe caught up in an intergalactic space war? JENNY: This may seem confusing to you, your majesty, but it's true. QUEEN: I believe you, only its' difficult to try to understand. JOHNATHON: Maybe if we show you some film evidence, that may explain it easier. BLINKY: Allow me to assist. (Places a finger in a slot on his head, his eye becomes a projector) Now showing brief summary of Toad History from Genus Historical Archive. From BLINKYs' eye, the document film that was shown to Willy in Season One is played once more. As it plays, HRM QUEEN ELIZABETH II rubs her head in confusion. BUCKY: (To Queen) Are you alright? QUEEN: I'm fine. I just have a headache from trying to make sense of it all. AMD-4 steps forward. He is the medical android of XL6, and has many bottles of medicine and tonic stored amongst his electronics. He hands HRM QUEEN ELIZABETH II a small bottle, which she accepts. QUEEN: Err, thank you. What is it? AMD-4: Diluted Peppermint Cordial. Excellent remedy for headaches and migraines. QUEEN: Thank you, I shall have some later. (Places it in her pocket) BUCKY: Anyway, do you now realise what is happening? QUEEN: Yes. It seems Mr. Bush wasn't lying after all. But there is still a problem. BUCKY: What's that? QUEEN: How can I declare action when Parliament is ruling the country behind my back? Since the Prime Minister took over, I've had difficulty enforcing my wishes. DEADEYE: Don't worry lass...err... your majesty. All ye need to do about them is leave 'em to old Deadeye. BUCKY: Deadeye, no. If you attack the Parliament, they'll attack us and not the Toads. DEADEYE: (Sulking) Aye, Cap'n. Enter MIMI. She is now smoking a cigarette. MIMI: Can't we move our ships to some place less conspicuous? We're drawing quite a crowd out here. BUCKY: We can't, Mimi. MIMI: Why not? I've had it up to here with Policemen and teenagers. BUCKY: If we move somewhere else, then bye bye Earth. MIMI glances at WILLYs' desperate face, then to BUCKY MIMI: Alright, Bucky. But I'm staying put for Willys' sake. Exit MIMI, as we move to... SCENE 19 OUTSIDE THE RIGHTEOUS INDIGNATION A group of boys run off from talking to ANDREW when MIMI comes from the ship. ANDREW is still smoking a cigar. MIMI stubs out her first cigarette and lights another. MIMI: I'm getting fed up with these kids. ANDREW: You're not the only one. I still think I should've worn my kilt. MIMI: Yeah, but too late for that now. ANDREW: And too late to turn back from the future. MIMI: Y'wot? ANDREW: In 30 year's time, when I'll be born, Global Warming will have reached its height. Whole cities and towns wiped out, acid rain burning your clothes. Until 2034, this place is safe. But it won't be until 2041 when life returns for normal. MIMI: That bad? ANDREW: Aye. Still, at least I don't have to worry about it yet because I haven't been born. MIMI grunts humorously. She searches her pockets for another cigarette, there are none. MIMI: D'you think you could pop round to a shop and get me some more fags? I haven't got any Earth money on me, plus I don't like being eyed up by those thugs. ANDREW: Sure, I'll be back in a sec. I need some more cigars anyway. ANDREW stubs out his cigar and walks off. While MIMI waits, a white - furred hand gags her, and draws her away. From the shadow of the building, we see the figure of SHIRA draw a gun, and shoot a stun ray at MIMI. We see the outline of MIMI fall unconscious. The shadow of SHIRA disappears as ANDREW returns with a packet of cigarettes for MIMI, and a box of cigars for himself. ANDREW: I'm back. Mimi? Where are you? SHIRA: (From the shadows, impersonating MIMI) I'm here. ANDREW: What are you doing over there? We're supposed to be guarding the ships. SHIRA: I know, but I just saw a toady up on the roof. ANDREW: (Looking at the roof) Where? I don't see any. SHIRA: Come round here and you'll see him. ANDREW leaves the cigars and cigarettes leaning on the side of the ship and walks into the shadows. ANDREW: (From the shadows) What the...? We hear a stun ray fire, followed by a heavy thud of someone collapsing. The sound of bodies being dragged away is heard as BUCKY and co. exit the ship. QUEEN: Very well then, Captain O' Hare. I shall see what can be do... The electric croaking noise of several double bubbles is heard. Five Double Bubbles are seen flying overhead. They ignore the mammals down below, and fly straight into the City Centre. HRM QUEEN ELIZABETH II and BUCKY are both horrified. BUCKY: Right. Blinky, you and the Queen take cover in that building. (Pointing to the ThinkTank) Do not emerge until I give the all clear. BLINKY: Aye, Aye, Captain O' Hare. BLINKY and HRM QUEEN ELIZABETH II exit. BUCKY: Willy, you stay here. The Screaming Mimi and XL6 will take off as soon as...say, where's Mimi and Andy? JOHNATHON: Beats me. BUTCH: No idea. BUCKY: (Sighs deeply) Alright, XL6 and the Screaming Mimi are on standby until they're found. WILLY: (Grabbing Buckys' shoulder as BUCKY turns to go) Bucky, let me come. BUCKY: Willy, if you get hurt, I can never forgive myself for that. WILLY: Please...(On the verge of crying) BUCKY: (Firmly) Engineer Duwitt, you are staying here, and that's' and order. The Righteous Indignation soon takes off, leaving WILLY with the crews of the Screaming Mimi and XL6. WILLY: Of all the ungrateful, pig-headed... DILE: Easy, Willy. He just doesn't want you to get hurt. WILLY: Yeah, but if this is my planet, I should at least be allowed to help. LARRY: Anyway, I wonder where is Mimi? DILE: I have no idea, but she'll get court-martial if she doesn't show up. WILLY: (Gazes at the cigars and cigarettes on the floor) What's this? WILLY picks them up, the others gather around. DILE spots the cigar ANDREW stubbed out a few minutes ago. DILE: This ones' still fresh. BUTCH: So either they've run off, or... DILE: Or? BUTCH: Someone kidnapped them. SHIRA: Correct, Simba. They all turn around to be confronted by SHIRA. She is clutching her ray gun, which is now aimed at WILLYS' head. LARRY tries to make a run for it, but is shot with a stun ray. DILE draws his gun, but meets the same fate as LARRY. SHIRA: Now, I think we'll have a little tour of the ThinkTank, shall we? You two (Addressing WILLY and JOHNATHON) Pick them up and drag them inside. They do as she says. They enter the building first, followed by BUTCH, HANNAH, AMD-4 and SHIRA. As they enter the building, they find what little remains of the atrium. It is now brimming with Toads and weaponry. Most of these consist of little silver boxes, oozing slightly with gooey, brown slime. In the far end is a flashing blue cylindrical device. This is the Toads Homing Beacon, and around it are more toads, including TOAD AIRMARSHALL, FRIX, FRAX, MOTHERSHIP PILOT and TOADBORG. TOADBORG sees them and walks over. TOADBORG: So, half of the mammal fleet is captured after only ½ hour? JOHNATHON: Where are the others? TOADBORG: As you are so interested, I might as well let you see them. His fingers begin to hiss a bright green anaesthetic gas. The group fall unconscious, while SHIRA just smiles. SCENE 20 NEW STREET The Righteous Indignation flies over what is left of New Street. The attack has caused many brummies and foreigners alike to flee the city. An overturned bus lies amongst a huge splatter of slime, which extends for much of the scene. New Street Station is completely silent. An express train has been flung onto its side as though it were a toy. The electrified wires have been razed to the ground, which has sparked a fire in the overhead booking office. Slime has been scattered here and there, with not a sign of life around. BUCKY is shocked, JENNY too is wide-eyed. The state seems as though a 100ft baby just passed by. BUCKY: Good God. JENNY: They must've moved on. I can't pick up any Double Bubbles for miles. BUCKY: But how can there be any slime? A Climate Converter would've made things much worse. Plus the Double Bubble simply couldn't produce that much slime so quickly. JENNY: Weren't you a bit hard on Willy just now? BUCKY: We lost Willy once, and I'm not losing him again. The Righteous flies into Colmore Row. Two more buses have made a head- on collision together, which is almost impossible to see from the oozing slime. Snow Hill station now looks more like Snot Hill station. A car has crashed into the stations ugly canopy, shattering the glass. As they begin to soar over the Great Western Arcade, a trilling noise beeps on board the Righteous. JENNY: Wait! I'm picking up some signals. BUCKY: Where? JENNY: Bearing 2781 Blue. BUCKY scans his map of Earth given to him by WILLY, and gazes in shock. BUCKY: Oh no. JENNY: What? BUCKY: That bearing. Did you say 2781 Blue? JENNY: Yes, why? BUCKY: Because that's' where the Screaming Mimi and XL6 are! SCENE 21 INSIDE THE THINKTANK The TOADS laugh and jeer with awe. From mid-air, dangle the small group of mammals. They are tied back-to-back, two at a time. DILE and LARRY first, then MIMI and JOHNATHON; HANNAH and BUTCH, and finally WILLY and ANDREW. HRM QUEEN ELIZABETH II is tied up with only herself for company. What remains of AMD-4 and BLINKY lies in the far corner. TOAD #1: Ha! What you doing, mammals? Just hanging' around? TOADS jeer and laugh. TOAD #2: Or indeed, did you just drop in? TOAD #2 pulls a lever on the beacon. Far below the suspended victims is a pit. From the pit is a snarling noise, more like a painful howling. They all look down, and see a pink beast dancing below them, clutching an axe and a dagger. Its mouth is nothing more than gnashing, white teeth, while its bloodshot eyes glare up above in hunger. BUTCH: What the hell is that? TOAD #1: We call it the Total Terror Toad. Excuse the snarling, but its' such a bad dinner guest. The poor chap can't tell his dinner from his guest. TOAD #3: Yeah, and it has a certain taste for mammals. TOADS laugh maniacally; TOADBORG comes over just to see them dangle above this scarlet beast. TOADBORG: And not just any mammal meat. The Total Terror Toad has a certain taste for baboons. Hairless baboons. (Glaring at WILLY, HRM QUEEN ELIZABETH II and ANDREW) TOAD #3: Shall I give them a demonstration, sir? TOADBORG: No private. That won't be necessary. The doors barge open, as BUCKY and co. charge in. He gazes at WILLY, then to the remains of BLINKY, and then to TOADBORG. BUCKY: OK, Toadborg. You've had your fun, now get outta here. TOADBORG: I don't think so, Captain O' Hare. Not until I conquer this Solar System. The TOTAL TERROR TOAD leaps up, hissing angrily. It is about to leap onto BUCKY and devour him whole, when something from up above knocks the TOTAL TERROR TOAD over. It is WILLY, who has used a screwdriver to cut his bonds. TOADBORG: Sick him. BUCKY and WILLY are now battling the reddish nightmare together. JENNY and DEADEYE meanwhile have set about releasing the others who dangle from the ceiling. There is no sign of ANDREW anywhere, but no one seems to have realised that. TOADBORG: You haven't learnt, have you? Nothing can stop the Toad Empire now. As he says this, BUCKY and the TOTAL TERROR TOAD are now on the verge of killing one another. There is a popping sound from behind. The TOTAL TERROR TOAD begins to writhe in pain. We see that WILLY has stabbed him with a screwdriver. A purplish serum seeps from the wound, and the maroon demon collapses. JENNY:(From 2nd floor) Bucky, look! The TOTAL TERROR TOAD is transforming. Its skin is deflating, as it morphs itself into the shape of an ordinary toad. TOADBORG: Oh, flip. This 'normal' TOTAL TERROR TOAD gets up, and gazes at TOADBORG. TL. TRR. TD: An experimental cure for appendicitis you said. TOADBORG: The result of it was wrong, but none the less useful. TOADBORG shoots him, as he collapses, unconscious, not dead. TOADBORG: And now for you. He darts towards BUCKY, WILLY has disappeared, making BUCKY even more scared. But the sound of gunfire stops him. A machine gun from somewhere in the shadows is piercing his armour. From the shadows step WILLY and ANDREW. Both are now dressed like the Blues Brothers, and each have a machine gun in their hands. MIMI: (From 2nd floor) Right, all we need now is the theme music! WILLY: (To ANDREW) You heard her. ANDREW presses play on a tape recorder strapped to his back. The theme from 'Blues Brothers' begins to play. TOADBORG: This is just plain stupid. WILLY: Ok, Bruiser! Snack-time! Enter BRUISER, licking his lips. The TOADS begin to babble in fright. BRUISER: What's yous guys doin' to my buddy? Huh? WILLY: Lets see, there was that crack about hanging around. The idea of us dropping in. ANDREW: The Total Terror Toad. WILLY: Oh, yes. And also what they did to Blinky. BRUISER gazes at what's left of BLINKY, and glares at the TOADS. BRUISER: So that's it, huh? AAAAAAIIIIIIIEEEEEEEUUUUUUUGAAAAAA! The TOADS scatter here and there, anywhere but into BRUISER. The MOTHERSHIP PILOT is hurled like a javelin through a window and outside. TOAD #1: I'm out of here! TOAD #4: Me too! This goes on for a few minutes, until at last, the Mothership and the escort fighters are forced off the planet. The group are soon outside. WILLY has picked up the pieces to BLINKY, while ANDREW cradles the remnants of AMD-4. BUCKY: Lets hope that's the last the Toads will see of Earth. QUEEN: Indeed, thank you so much, Captain O' Hare for all you have done. BUCKY: It's merely my duty ma'am. TL. TRR. TD: Excuse me; I think these belong to you. JACK SLICER and SHIRA O' NEILL are shoved to the ground before Buckys' feet. BUCKY: Well, there'll certainly be a homecoming party on Conva for you two. QUEEN: And I think I have the perfect place for our Toady friend here. BUCKY: Well, triple T. Do you want to stay? TL. TRR. TD: I don't mind. I'd rather not be a pink lunatic again. Just because I agreed with Lt. Horsts' teachings. BUCKY: Very well. Andy, is XL6s' space jail free? ANDREW: It's free Mr. Humphries. ANDREW drags JACK and SHIRA away, both screaming and cursing. BUCKY: Goodbye your majesty, and good luck in running your country. QUEEN: Goodbye Captain, and thank you for all you've done. SCENE 22 NASA CONTROL CENTRE, PASSADENA A SCIENTIST observes views from the Hubble Space Telescope of a Black Hole. Banks of machines whir and beep around him. In the wall is a cryogenic chamber, with the TOTAL TERROR TOAD, now naked, floating in a thin gel. With electrodes stuck all over his body. SCIENTIST: We're getting great pictures here at Pasadena. How about that Madrid? SPANIARD: (On Radio) Excellent-e. Look at the colour scheme of that star. SCIENTIST: Wait a minute; I've lost contact with the craft. Madrid, you getting it? SPANIARD: I also lose a-contact. She's getting brighter. Perhaps.... On the screen, we see a Double Bubble exit the Black Hole. SCIENTIST: Say, that thing is getting closer. You getting this, Madrid? Silence SCIENTIST: Madrid, do you read me? Silence SCIENTIST: What's going on? Tracking Station 63, Canberra. Come in Canberra. Silence SCIENTIST: Houston, do you hear me? Silence. All this time, the Double Bubble is getting closer. SCIENTIST: Tracking Station 7, Jodrell Bank. Can you hear me? Silence SCIENTIST: Can anyone hear me? Come in! COME IN! Silence. Inside the tank, the TOTAL TERROR TOAD opens his eyes, and smiles evilly... THE END Dedicated to Her Royal Majesty, Queen Elizabeth II, and for the monarchy of England.