Bucky O' Hare In Noughts & Hooked Crosses By Andrew Norris SCENE ONE Space A medium-sized spaceship is floating through the black void at a neutral pace. The entire ship has been designed to look like an eagle, and on the one side is an enormous swastika painted in black. On the bridge of the ship stands a frail WOMAN in her fifties, wearing the uniform of a German Brigadier. She has short-cut blonde hair, and darting blue eyes. On her left arm is an armband bearing the swastika, and an Iron Cross medal hangs on her chest. A young MAN in SS uniform walks up to her and gives the Nazi salute. MAN: (Austrian accent) We are approaching the target vessel, Brigadegeneral. BRIGADEGENERAL: (Polish Accent) Good, prepare to attack. Outside is a tiny Dalek Shuttle. At the helm of the shuttle is a lone DALEK. DALEK: Shuttle Alpha-219 to Dalek Control, have sighted enemy craft. Will attack immediate... Before he can say anymore, a powerful laser beam blows the Shuttle apart. BRIGADEGENERAL: (To herself) Good, our firepower is tremendous. Let us go forth, and long live the Fourth Reich! SCENE TWO The Righteous Indignation JENNY is typing away at her computer, and stops when something shows up. JENNY: Bucky, I've got a fix on that signal Genus Control was talking about. BUCKY: Great, what are the results? JENNY: The signal is emanating from the Horseshoe Nebula in Sector 9. BUCKY: And that's our destination. Just a quick stroll around the block. He flies the Righteous to the left, until they arrive at a Nebula that only just takes the form of a horseshoe. BUCKY: What's that? They notice the smouldering remains of the Dalek Shuttle, merely fragments of metal smoking in the vacuum of space. JENNY: It *was* a Dalek ship, I think. The instruments bleep. JENNY: It's moving. BUCKY: Quick, let's get going! They fly off into space. SCENE THREE The Nazi Spaceship THE BRIGADEGENERAL is again on the bridge, watching as a quad of Toad Double-Bubbles fly ahead of the cruiser. A TOAD shows up on the screen. TOAD: This is Squadron Leader to unidentified vessel. Surrender or die immediately. BRIGADEGENERAL: This is Brigadegeneral Ellen Von Hughez of the Fourth Reich. We refuse to surrender. TOAD: Then prepare to die. Three Double Bubbles blow up, the only one left being the Double Bubble of the TOAD on screen. TOAD: What in the name of all things slimy? BRIGADEGENERAL: (Cackles evilly) The Warrior is impressive, isn't it? Surrender now? TOAD: (Slowly raises arms) Y...Yes, I surrender to you. BRIGADEGENERAL: Good. The Double Bubble is destroyed, whilst BRIGADEGENERAL VON HUGHEZ watches with delight. BRIGADEGENERAL: Where is Feldwebel Danburg? The MAN in SS uniform from earlier enters the bridge. MAN: You called for me, Brigadegeneral? BRIGADEGENERAL: Ja, Feldwebel. How powerful is this weapon? DANBURG: Ten times as powerful as the V2, Brigadegeneral. Would you like to see the power source? BRIGADEGENERAL: Jawohl, If it is the only way for me to address you as Leutnant. SCENE FOUR Alderbarren The Righteous has landed, with JENNY & BUCKY speaking with QUEEN KATRINA. KATRINA looks very shaken up, and most of the buildings have been crippled by overhead bombing raids. KATRINA: ...It just swooped down and dropped bombs anywhere it could. BUCKY: Any idea what it looked like, your majesty? KATRINA: It was a small ship, about the size of your frigate, Captain. The whole thing had been made to look like an eagle. There was a hooked cross painted on the side, but I couldn't recognise the marking. JENNY: Your highness, was anyone injured. KATRINA wags a finger as if she wishes to speak to Jenny in private. Jenny walks towards her and the two converse. JENNY: (Whispers) What is wrong, your majesty? KATRINA: Jenny, I regret to tell you that both Crystal and Daphne have been kidnapped by the vessel. JENNY: What? But how? KATRINA: Teleportation, I believe. There is so much evil on board that ship, I cannot sense either of the two anywhere. JENNY: Then finding that symbol is our only chance. KATRINA: You must hurry, Jenny. I sense more evil being spread across the Aniverse. SCENE FIVE The Warrior BRIGADEGENERAL VON HUGHEZ and FELDWEBEL DANBURG are inside a small room that houses a large nuclear reactor. In one corner are CRYSTAL, now slightly older and taller than when she was in "Held To Ransom", and DAPHNE, who has only just begun to grey. Both are strapped to a chair each, with probes attached to their spell gems. The probes lead up to an enormous cannon behind them, as though the weapon fed off of their power. Both strain as they are drained of energy. DANBURG: A weapon developed by the New SS. The V3 Planet-Zerstorer. BRIGADEGENERAL: Feeding off the power of these creatures. It will not be long before we can begin our main objective. DANBURG: What is that, Brigadegeneral? BRIGADEGENERAL: Now that we have a power source, we can attack this fabled Soviet Mothership I have heard about. These Communists must not interfere with the glory of the Fourth Reich like they did in the last war. DAPHNE: What have you got against the Communists? BRIGADEGENERAL: (Spitefully) It was the Bolshevik scum who caused the fall of the Third Reich many centuries ago. All of my family were labelled things like Neo-Nazis. But now that I have established the Fourth Reich, I shall make sure that this never happens again. CRYSTAL: (Tired) But you don't even know the Marxisms. BRIGADEGENERAL: (As she turns to go) Don't be so sure, little girl. She and FELDWEBEL DANBURG turn to exit. DAPHNE: (Weak) Crystal...we need... to try and...fight back. We need to... They both go unconcious as a gauge on the V3 machine reads VOLLSTANDIG. SCENE SIX The Soviet Mothership, Unchartered Space GENERAL OSIRIS is on the bridge with his leopard assistant, BRIGADIER SAGE. Both watch as the stars twinkle before them. OSIRIS: A glorious sight, isn't it, Brigadier? SAGE: Yes, sir. OSIRIS: I just feel ashamed that we haven't been given any rights to the Aniverse and thus are trapped in unchartered space. SAGE: I do not mean to question your orders sir, but the mammals are stressed at the moment with this war with the Toads. And in the past, we were tough on mammals ourselves, so I believe its just fair that we don't make things harder for the UAC than they already are. OSIRIS: (Sighs) I guess you're right, maybe things will ease off over time. An alarm bell rings loudly, as staff run about here and there. MAJOR GALLOWAY, the white rabbit in a suit similar to Bucky's, runs up to them. OSIRIS: What is going on, Major? GALLOWAY: An unidentified craft is approaching sir. OSIRIS: Toad or Mammal origin? GALLOWAY: Neither, sir. They all run down to the docking bays to greet the unidentified ship. SCENE SEVEN The Righteous Indignation JENNY and BUCKY are flying through space, when WILLY arrives from below with a bag full of homework and spare robotic parts. WILLY: Sorry I'm late, but they're piling up the homework lately. BUCKY: No problem, but not being able to keep the fuel injection ratio at nominal is. WILLY: OK, I'll get on it. As WILLY begins to work, JENNY spies a swastika on a piece of WILLY'S homework. She picks it up, and BUCKY nods as he is allowed to see it. JENNY: Willy. WILLY: (Still working) Yeah? JENNY: (Points to swastika) What is this? WILLY: (Turns around) That's a swastika, or the hooked cross if you like. JENNY: What does it represent? WILLY: It was the logo for the old Nazi Party in WW2. There are still some Nazis about, but they're too small in numbers to do any harm. BUCKY: I sincerely doubt that. He runs the swastika through a scanner, and a picture of the Warrior shows up. BUCKY: With them being the only Nazis in the Aniverse, that'll make things easier. Changing course for unchartered space. SCENE EIGHT The Soviet Mothership A group of COMMUNISTS have barricaded a corridor and are putting up a fight with some SS TROOPS. Although large in numbers, the Communist mammals are fighting a losing battle. SS TROOP #1: (To other troops) Richten fur die hund! Schnell! SS TROOPS: Ja, Obergefreite! They all shoot at a DOG in Communist uniform. As the others move to help him, the SS TROOPS all knock them unconcious with the butts of their rifles, and move on in a militaristic fashion. The corridor itself has branched off from the giant Shuttle Bay. The makeshift Soviet Cruisers are still intact, though one is on fire. The Righteous Indignation makes a smooth landing in the quiet bay, and they cautiously step out. BUCKY leaves first, armed with a maser pistol, followed by JENNY who has a pistol likewise. WILLY and DEADEYE are the last to leave. WILLY is once again armed with his water pistol. DEADEYE: Looks like someone be makin' a huge mess in here! BUCKY: Those Nazis are here alright, look. He points his gun to a corner of the bay. In the corner is the Warrior with a single Nazi GUARD outside. JENNY & BUCKY both open fire, stunning the GUARD. As he falls unconcious, the quad sneak past him, with DEADEYE stealing his rifle. They move into the unguarded reactor room, and unplug a relieved CRYSTAL and DAPHNE from their captivity. CRYSTAL: (Weakly) Thank the stars! BUCKY: What happened here? DAPHNE: (Panting heavily) The...The V3...It...drained us of power...Destroy...Destroy it...regain our power. JENNY: So, our Nazi friends kidnapped you and then went about on some tests, which would explain the Dalek Ship. WILLY: And it would also explain that signal we picked up! JENNY: Bucky, if you and Willy try to stop the Nazis from taking over the ship, we might still have a chance. As they run off, DEADEYE helps her move DAPHNE and CRYSTAL out of the ship. SCENE NINE Corridor D50, The Soviet Mothership GENERAL OSIRIS is running from a group of SS TROOPS, presumably the same troops from before. GENERAL OSIRIS then takes out a service revolver from his holster, and fires four random shots, killing four men in the process. As they continue to chase him, they turn back as GENERAL OSIRIS opens the door to his office. As he looks around the room cautiously to see if there is a booby-trap hidden anywhere, BRIGADEGENERAL VON HUGHEZ appears from behind the door and closes it, holding an identical revolver in her hand, aiming it at GENERAL OSIRIS' head. BRIGADEGENERAL: Hello, Peter. GENERAL OSIRIS immediately reocgnizes her voice, and stands still for some time before saying something. OSIRIS: I see you've found me, Brigadier Von Hughez. BRIGADEGENERAL: That is Brigadegeneral to you, you pile of kot! OSIRIS: I'll pretend I didn't hear that, Mary. I see you haven't gone very far in life. When our marriage was over, you said that you'd be back with a strong army and you'd be higher up than me. But I doubt very much that a Brigadier can be higher than General. BRIGADEGENERAL: Does it matter whether I am a Brigadegeneral or a General, I am back and I am going to make my mark! OSIRIS: (Sighs) What ever happened to you, Mary? You used to be such a likeable girl, and now you've become a Nazi zombie, thinking of nothing but empire-building and killing innocent *invalids* as you so wrongly call them! BRIGADEGENERAL: I found my destiny in this form! I've even grassed on my own superiors to get to this level! And why are you so hypocritical?! You've built four walls around yourself, each with the hammer-and- sickle painted onto them! So don't give me any abfall about Nazi zombies, as you've become a Communist zombie yourself! OSIRIS: (Calms down) I guess you're right. But, Mary, why exactly are you here? He notices the grasp on her gun ease slightly. BRIGADEGENERAL: (Calmer) I was planning to take over the fabled Soviet Mothership to speed up my domination over other planets. The Warrior is too slow and small for invasions, and because of it, I have only managed to conquer unoccupied planets. When I found out from your Major that you were in charge, I found an even better reason to commandeer your ship. OSIRIS: Major Galloway, where is he? BRIGADEGENERAL: Tied up in a Weapons Store in Corridor C17. Pity, he'll miss the joy of seeing his General's demise. She is knocked out cold by a swift blow to the head. Looking up, GENERAL OSIRIS notices that it is MAJOR GALLOWAY, with BUCKY and WILLY. OSIRIS: (Releived) How did you get past the guards? BUCKY: (Waving his gun) A little bit of persuasion. OSIRIS: We need to stop them before they get to the Control Deck. WILLY: Let's get going! They all run off, leaving BRIGADEGENERAL VON HUGHEZ rubbing her head as she gets up slowly. Searching for her revolver, she finds that it is gone. SCENE TEN Control Deck, The Soviet Mothership BRIGADIER SAGE and LIEUTENANT SELLERS are putting up a fight with FELDWEBEL DANBURG and a number of SS TROOPS. LIEUTENANT SELLERS is putting up quite a fight, but BRIGADIER SAGE is not powerful enough against FELDWEBEL DANBURG. DANBURG: (Shouts) Fur das ruhm von das Nazi Partei! BRIGADIER SAGE swings him around, and DANBURG shatters through the glass, his body making no movements. Some of the SS TROOPS begin to attack, overpowering BRIGADIER SAGE, but LIEUTENANT SELLERS knocks them unconcious with hard punches, one by one. Eventually, MAJOR GALLOWAY arrives with GENERAL OSIRIS, BUCKY and WILLY. The huge crowd slowly make their way through until BRIGADIER SAGE is able to catch his breath. SAGE has acquired a black eye and several bruises following his attack. SAGE: Thank you all. I don't think I'll want to do that again in a hurry. WILLY watches through the windows at the hangar below, as JENNY, CRYSTAL and DAPHNE cast a combined spell, destroying the Warrior. DEADEYE clambers out of the Righteous Indignation once the spell is finished, obviously taking cover from the explosion. SELLERS: (Looking at SS Troops) Not every German or Austrian or Polishperson is like this. BUCKY: What are you talking about, Lieutenant? SELLERS: When I visited Earth, I assumed that every German and soforth I came across was as friendly as the next one. Both General Osiris and I had many friends from Germany in the old days, but these Nazis are the slaves to evil itself. I'm certain, Captain, that you might start thinking that a handful of Neo-Nazis conclude that every German is like this, bu that is not the case. Something like this just shows how easily things can be misjudged, and I feel sorry for the Germans who have had to put up with critical remarks like that, just like my brother. GALLOWAY: Your brother was a German, Lieutenant? SELLERS: (Cries) Yes! Poor old Manfred! BRIGADEGENERAL VON HUGHEZ runs into the Control Room, peering down at the wreckage of the Warrior. BRIGADEGENERAL: Nein, nicht meinen Raumschiff! Meinen erfindung! OSIRIS: Checkmate, Mary. SCENE ELEVEN UAC HQ BUCKY is present with JENNY, WILLY, DEADEYE and QUEEN KATRINA. FRITZ is present with SANZER GRIFF, CLAIRE SHEFFIELD and COUNCILLOR SMIDGEN. FRITZ: (Annoyed) And you say that a break-off group of earthpeople, lead by a Polish Brigadier who turned out to be General Osiris' ex-wife, planned to take over the Soviet Mothership to speed up the invasion of planets? WILLY: It's true! Just ask any of the Communists. GRIFF: How do we know they won't turn their backs on you? I'm sorry, Captain, but I still don't trust those Bolshevik dogs after what they did in the past! FRITZ: That'll do, Griff. As likely as your story may be, you still have no proof. BUCKY: But the Dalek ship! The Double Bubbles! FRITZ: Nothing more than wrecks, and you said yourself that the Nazi spacecraft, this so-called Warrior, was destroyed. There isn't even evidence of the V3 Planet Destroyer that was mentioned in the report! SMIDGEN: One moment, Chairman. The report also states that Queen Katrina of Alderbarren was an eyewitness to the destruction of her world by the Warrior, as well as two Alderbarrens who were abducted. FRITZ: That will not be of use to us, Councillor. The Queen cannot be contacted at this time as she is in a conference herself. SMIDGEN: No need. He holds up a cassette tape, and rewinds it. The tape plays a conversation between COUNCILLOR SMIDGEN and QUEEN KATRINA. SMIDGEN: (On tape) This ship, Your Highness, what did it look like? KATRINA: (On tape) The ship wasn't incredily large, but it was shaped rather like a bird. There was a strange marking on the side, which Master Jenny tells me was the Hooked Cross. JENNY smiles defiantly. KATRINA: (Continued) It came down over the Square and started raining bombs down on the population. We began to fight back with our powers, but the explosions around us made it hard to concentrate. Some were killed in the attack, and two Alderbarrens, Sister Daphne and my younger granddaughter, Crystal, were abducted by this monster. SMIDGEN: What happened next? KATRINA: The ship sped off into space. (Gasps) The evil I sensed on board was terrific. I almost collapsed in fright, and summoned the help of Master Jenny and Captain O' Hare. SMIDGEN: Where are Daphne and Crystal now? KATRINA: They are recovering from their experiences. To protect them from further harm, I have given Daphne shelter in the palace until the bomb damage is rectified, and I have allowed Crystal to stay with her sister, Felicia. Their is the sound of FELICIA and CRYSTAL playing in the background. SMIDGEN: Thank you for your time, your Majesty. COUNCILLOR SMIDGEN turns off the tape, giving a smug smile to FRITZ. FRITZ: Well, alright. I'll allow your case only this time. We'll resume this tomorrow. They all turn to go. FRITZ gets out a piece of paper and begins to write something in German. FRITZ: (Thinks as he writes) < To Eric Glocken, 23 Kino Strasse, Heidelburg, Deutschland. Hallo, Eric! Fritz hier. Ich treffen dein tantchen zuheute... > THE END