Bucky O' Hare
In
Planet Of The Pink Panther

by Andrew Norris

Continued From
Hidden Identity

SCENE ONE
The Planet Noctur 4, The Planet Of The Panthers
The planet is now a desolate wasteland, after severe Toad Attacks have 
left much of the planet virtually inhospitable. Around the dying fields 
are crumbling buildings, overgrown by weeds and ivy. There is a 
scuffling noise from the remains of one of the warehouses. Two 
PANTHERS, both black, sneak through the shadows. One of them is wearing 
a blue uniform of a high ranking officer, while the other is in an 
ochre green uniform, like that of a Brigadier.

BRIGADIER: Admiral, are you sure The Righteous Indignation is coming? 
They may not have received the distress signal.

ADMIRAL: We have to have some hope, Hubert. Only Bucky O' Hare can take 
care of an invasion this size.

HUBERT: But you sent another distress signal straight to Chuck Bodgers! 
That guy is too old to be flying around in coloured underpants! 

ADMIRAL: (Snaps) Remember this, Brigadier! We are the only survivors of 
Noctur Armed Forces and the Resistance is failing miserably! We must 
get as much help if Noctur 4 is ever to recover! 

HUBERT: Sure, we saved the planet last time, and we didn't need any 
help from the UAC! 

ADMIRAL: Keep your mouth shut! Do you want the General to have you 
shot?

HUBERT is silent.

ADMIRAL: Good! Now come on! 

They move off.

SCENE TWO
The Righteous Indignation
The Righteous is in orbit of Noctur 4, and ready to land. BUCKY and 
JENNY are scanning the area for Double Bubbles, to no avail. WILLY and 
DEADEYE sit in the background, awaiting further instructions. 

BUCKY: Seems too quiet for my liking.

DEADEYE: Aye. Maybe they've planted space mines everywhere.

BUCKY: I doubt it, Deadeye. I can't detect any space mines for 
lightyears. 

WILLY: Should we take a chance and land? 

BUCKY: I don't know Willy. There may be another Mammal Defence shield 
up and running by now. 

JENNY: Everything on ground seems deserted. No signs of Toads, on this 
side of the planet anyway. 

BUCKY: OK. Lets take a chance. Prepare to land, Jenny. 

The Righteous slowly prepares to land, everyone bracing him or herself 
for the force of gravity once they enter the atmosphere. 

SCENE THREE
Noctur Resistance Camp, Unknown location, Noctur 4
Several Panthers, black and brown, male and female, are scattered 
around a small underground cavern, dressed in the remains of 
brown/green uniforms with large, brown helmets (similar to those of Air 
Raid Wardens of WW2) which have a strange yellow marking of N4R. These 
are members of the Noctur Resistance, a group of rebels and discharged 
military personnel bent on the destruction of the Toad Empire. A trio 
of them, one female brown panther and two male panthers, are sat around 
a soapbox playing a card game.

MALE PANTHER 1: If you ask me, the reason Noctur 4 surrendered is 
because of that damn general.

FEMALE PANTHER: Hush, Gregory! The General is the most mysterious of 
all panthers. He may be listening in on us right now!
GREGORY: Linda, Don't tell me you believe all that trash!

LINDA: Keep your voice down! There may be Toads listening in on us! 

MALE PANTHER 2: Yes! They may form an alliance with the General! Wipe 
out the resistance!

GREGORY: Shut up, Ted! Here comes Douglasina! 

From a group on the far side of the cavern comes RESISTANCE LEADER 
DOUGLASINA. She is a female black panther, with dazzling green eyes, 
and a tatty grey uniform, which was possibly once the uniform of a 
Corporal. LINDA and TED place down their cards, while GREGORY continues 
to play.

DOUGLASINA: (Scottish Accent) Hello Linda, Ted.

TED AND LINDA: (Almost forced) Hello Douglasina.

DOUGLASINA: Gregory, dinnae you know that your watch started almost an 
hour ago? 

GREGORY: (Uninterested) Is it, Douglasina? Pardon me.

DOUGLASINA: Its wee moments like that that make me want to hand ye over 
to the Toads. 

GREGORY: I don't enjoy being cooped up underground anymore than you, 
but while down here, it's every man for himself.

DOUGLASINA: (Angry) Now listen here, laddy! If I dinnae see you by that 
watch post in the next minute, I'm calling oot the firing squad.

GREGORY: (Slams down his cards) Alright Scotty! I'm going! No need to 
waste your ammo! 

He walks off. As he does so, the ceiling begins to rumble as something 
heavy hits the surface.

TED: What on Earth was that?

DOUGLASINA: (Pointing to two other panthers) Private Hancock! Private 
Star! I want ye to go up and see what that was about. 
Two panthers barge past GREGORY, and up one of the tunnels leading to 
the surface. 

SCENE FOUR
Noctur 4
The planet is very much like the setting for a ghost film. A thick, 
swirling mist has enveloped the corroding buildings, and the outline of 
the Righteous Indignation is only just visible as BUCKY, JENNY, WILLY 
and DEADEYE disembark. 

BUCKY: What happened here?

JENNY: We must have arrived too late. 

DEADEYE: Aye, I can't see any o' me arms in front of my beak! 

BUCKY: Damn! I guess we'd better just start rounding up survivors.

Two figures emerge in the distance; they are the ADMIRAL and HUBERT.

ADMIRAL: (Walks towards them) Could you please help us?

BUCKY: Who are you?

ADMIRAL: I am Admiral Nathaniel Mare of Noctur Armed Forces. (Gestures 
to HUBERT) This is Brigadier Hubert Pines. 

JENNY: Were you the ones who sent the distress call?

HUBERT: Yes! So help did come after all! 

WILLY: What exactly happened here? 

ADMIRAL: The Toads began a full-scale invasion of the planet, wiping 
out much of our defence fleet. The planet is now nothing more than a 
Ghost Town. The only survivors are myself, Hubert, The General, and 
members of the Noctur Resistance. 

JENNY: How terrible!

BUCKY: Where is this Noctur Resistance?

HUBERT: No-one knows. Their location is a secret to all.

BUCKY: And the General?

HUBERT: (Uncomfortable) We need not speak of the General. 

WILLY: Why? What's wrong?

ADMIRAL: The General is a mysterious panther. It has been rumoured that 
he has unusual powers. 

JENNY: May we see him?

ADMIRAL: Only you and Captain O' Hare. 

BUCKY: Very well. (Turns to DEADEYE and WILLY) You two stay here. If 
any trouble arouses, just radio us. 

DEADEYE: Aye, aye Cap'n.

WILLY: No problem. 

The four walk off, while DEADEYE and WILLY return to the ship. Privates 
STAR and HANCOCK watch from the remains of a Factory. 

STAR: So, The UAC did send help after all.

HANCOCK: I just hope one Frigate will be enough.

STAR: Yeah, and notice how Chuck Bodgers hasn't shown up?

HANCOCK: He's just a comic hero. The REAL Bodgers is far too old to be 
saving planets.

STAR: As they say, out with the old...

TOAD: (From behind) And in with the new.

HANCOCK and STAR are shot unconscious by TWO TOADS on patrol.

TOAD #1: Out with useless panthers...

TOAD #2: ...And in with a better civilisation. 
The TWO TOADS snigger as they carry the panthers away. 

SCENE FIVE
Remains of a Friary, Noctur
Around BUCKY and JENNY are the crumbling remains of a Cistercian Abbey, 
more or less intact. The window arches still hold ancient stained glass 
with images of Panthers in the varied forms of different saints. 

ADMIRAL: If you wait here, we shall see to The General.

ADMIRAL and HUBERT exit almost petrified. They move of into a side room 
that has been carefully preserved and seems more like a control room. 
BUCKY and JENNY take some time to observe the building.

BUCKY: Incredible.

JENNY: How this was able to stay intact after the invasions, I shall 
never know. 

BUCKY: Does it remind you of anything in particular?

JENNY: Only of Ancient Alderbarren that I've read about. Why?

BUCKY: No reason. I just wanted to know if it reminded you of anything.

Enter HUBERT.

HUBERT: The General will see you now. 

They are escorted into the side room. The room seems more of a chapel, 
and there is a wheelie chair at the far end, with an altar being used 
as a table. ADMIRAL stands rigid at one wall, looking timid. HUBERT 
stands on the adjacent wall, like a stone statue. The chair from 
BUCKY'S angle appears empty, but cigarette smoke from it suggests signs 
of life.

GENERAL: (Posh voice) Who are you? 

BUCKY: I am Captain Bucky O' Hare of the United Animals Coalition. This 
is my First Mate Jenny.

GENERAL: I have no name. I was never born with a name. On Noctur, I am 
simply known as The General, but I have a second identity. 
BUCKY: Which is?

GENERAL: Have you, or any of your crew, been to the Planet Earth?

BUCKY: My engineer is from Earth, why?

GENERAL: On Earth, I am simply called...

He clambers out of his chair. Indeed, he is a panther, but is overall a 
shade of pink, with a General's outfit of dazzling white with golden 
medallions decorated all over his uniform.

GENERAL: ...The Pink Panther. 

JENNY: Is this why everyone fears you?

GENERAL: Yes. As I am the only Panther from Earth, and indeed the only 
Panther of this shade of colour, many believe that I have powers that 
may destroy any life on this planet. 

BUCKY: But why did Noctur suddenly die like that? 

GENERAL: Many of my followers were indeed combat trained; yet their 
numbers were too weak for the Invaders. Those that survived were taken 
as Prisoners Of War. Only myself, Admiral Mare and Brigadier Pines have 
survived here. 

TOADBORG: And the last for the Slave Camps.

Through the door pour a major amount of Storm Toads, TOADBORG among 
them. The foursome begins to fight, but to no avail. BUCKY is knocked 
to the floor, trying to protect JENNY. She is torn away from her as the 
TOADS begin to raze the abbey to the ground. After the TOADS and 
TOADBORG are gone, the Friary is nothing more than a pile of brick dust 
and mortar. BUCKY clambers from the wreckage, and notices THE GENERAL 
running off into the distance.

BUCKY: Coward! I can't believe he stood by and let the Toads take his 
remaining men away! 

He slams his fist onto the brickwork.

BUCKY: It'll take more than myself to get to that camp. Unless I find 
another panther, Jenny will be finished! 

He runs off, hoping to find help. 

SCENE SIX
Toad Base Camp, Noctur
TOADBORG is making his report to KOMPLEX, while JENNY, PRIVATE STAR, 
PRIVATE HANCOCK and A SERGEANT PANTHER lie in the cells.

KOMPLEX: So, our plan is a success. 

TOADBORG: Yes, oh mighty Komplex. I will execute the prisoners at dawn 
precisely. After which, Bucky O' Hare and his friends in Noctur 
Resistance will be as good as dead.

KOMPLEX: Excellent. The executions will be broadcast live across Toad 
Television, Toadborg. I want these executions brief.

TOADBORG: Yes, oh mighty Komplex. 

The screen goes blank, and TOADBORG moves off.

JENNY: So, you're members of the Noctur Resistance?

HANCOCK: Yes. I wish we were able to tell our Leader about you.

JENNY: Who is your leader?

STAR: Resistance Leader Douglasina Glenn. She's both the founder and 
leader of the Resistance. She's back at our camp with the others.

JENNY: (To Sgt.) Are you in the Resistance as well?

SGT.: No. I'm Sergeant Adrian Moss. I was a follower of the General, 
before this happened. I'm the last Prisoner Of War left from The 
General's army. Others were killed weeks, days, even hours ago. 

JENNY: No need to worry about that. I have a little plan. We'll have to 
wait until dark.


SCENE SEVEN
Noctur 4
ANDREW, dressed in his guise as Superhero, Chuck Bodgers, lands onto 
the ghostly planet, and switches off his jetpack. 

ANDREW: (Gazing around) Crikey! What a mess! 

There is the sound of two people panting after one another. THE 
GENERAL, and BUCKY, leap from the fog and begin to wrestle angrily.

BUCKY: You traitor! You left your most devoted fans to rot!

GENERAL: There was nothing I could do! 

ANDREW: (Separates them) Whoa! What goes on here?

BUCKY: (Looks at him) Chuck Bodgers?

ANDREW: Yes.

GENERAL: So you did come!

BUCKY: You look very much like our Rescue Pilot, Andrew Norris.

ANDREW: I have something to tell you, Bucky. (Takes off his USC hat) I 
*am* Andrew!

GENERAL: Who?

BUCKY: (Gets up, wipes off the dirt) He's an exile from Earth, a pilot 
of Fireball XL6.

GENERAL: But also Chuck Bodgers?

ANDREW: Yes. I've always kept it secret, as most people reckon 39 year 
olds shouldn't be superheroes.

GENERAL: Well, I'm a hero at least, because I'm a General!

ANDREW sniggers, while GENERAL frowns. BUCKY stands by and watches with 
interest. 

GENERAL: What is so funny?
ANDREW: When I first became Chuck Bodgers, 8 years ago, I didn't become 
a superhero for the colourful outfit. It takes more than a position in 
the army to be seen as an idol.

GENERAL: Well then, Grandpa, how do you get people to like you? 

ANDREW: Do something you'll be appreciated for. Bucky, for example, 
fights Toads non-stop for the good of this dimension. 

BUCKY: (To General) And all YOU do is run away when you are most 
needed. Talk about irresponsibility. 

ANDREW: (Walking away) Come, Bucky. I guess we'll have to rescue your 
friends from the camp by ourselves. 

They turn to try and find the Righteous Indignation. GENERAL looks at 
them.

GENERAL: Wait!

They stop, and smile at his misery.

GENERAL: Bodgers, Captain O' Hare. If you were willing, could you teach 
me? 

ANDREW: Look's like we have a new rookie in the ranks. 

SCENE EIGHT
The Righteous Indignation
BUCKY, ANDREW, DEADEYE and BRUISER all place THE GENERAL under pressure 
as they prepare him for the attack. Placing him through varied 
exercises such as running, lifting weights, shooting targets, and even 
somersaults. Eventually, he is ready. The four are ready, leaving 
BLINKY and BRUISER to guard the ship.

BLINKY: Good luck, Captain O' Hare.

BUCKY: Thanks, Blinky. 

They march off towards the camp.



SCENE NINE
Toad Base Camp, Noctur
Members of Noctur Resistance are preparing to sabotage the executions, 
and to rescue STAR and HANCOCK. RESISTANCE LEADER DOUGLASINA is 
standing near the prison cell, while LINDA and GREGORY keep as 
lookouts. 

JENNY: I get it.

DOUGLASINA: After that, you can grab your wee weapons and make a run 
for it. Then, the entire Resistance will make a full-blown assault. 

JENNY: That's when we shutdown the main systems?

DOUGLASINA: Aye. 

LINDA: Ted's given his signal! Toadborg's coming.

DOUGLASINA: Right, good luck.

She ducks into the shadows, while TOADBORG enters the room. 

TOADBORG: Ah, dawn. Now to see who should be first for the Firing 
Squad. 

He gazes his eyes around the cell.

TOADBORG: How about your little friend in the corner? 

He points to SGT. MOSS, who is trembling like a leaf. TWO TOADS come in 
to take him away.

SGT.: (Panicking) No! Please! Anything but a Firing Squad! Please don't 
send me there! 

As the TWO TOADS begin to drag him away, TOADBORG detects an object in 
the shadows.

TOADBORG: Wait! I detect that there are other beings here trying to 
break their little friends out of here. (Pointing to a corner) Target 
your rifles here.

In the corner, DOUGLASINA tries hard not to breathe, and with Toad 
Rifles cutting of her only escape route, she knows she is doomed. A 
maser is fired from outside, shooting the rifles out of their hands, as 
they land with their nozzles buried in the soil. Through the door are 
BUCKY, THE GENERAL and ANDREW (Still in his Chuck Bodgers' guise) 

ANDREW: OK, Toadborg! We've come to close you down! 

TOADBORG: So, The Flying Has-Been is making a comeback is he? All Toads 
kill them immediately. 

The trio are immediately surrounded by Storm Toads, refusing to back 
down. The threesome removes their rifles, and begins to fire 
frenziedly. BUCKY is able to break free of the circle, and plants a 
bomb into the Mobile Power System. TOADBORG meanwhile, escapes from the 
tent, and flies off in a Double Bubble, leaving Noctur Resistance, 
BUCKY, JENNY and ANDREW in one great frenzy. BUCKY prepares to destroy 
the camp, when...

TOAD: Don't even think about it, O' Hare. Or you'll see the last of 
your panther girlfriend.

A TOAD has DOUGLASINA at gunpoint, who is struggling to break free. THE 
GENERAL suddenly becomes a fighting warrior, and begins to play off the 
Toads one by one. At one point, he catches a dagger in his mouth, and 
spits it back at the Toads' helmet, before he is knocked into a crate 
of Chocolate Covered Grasshoppers.

ANDREW: (Smiles) I never thought of that one! 

Now, there is only the one TOAD left, who is holding DOUGLASINA.

GENERAL: If you so much as breathe on her, I'll pull you to shreds one 
wart at a time! 

He grabs the Toad by his neck, and tosses him into an electric 
generator, shocking him. DOUGLASINA has been tossed in the air, and is 
caught in THE GENERALS' arms. 

BUCKY: Let's get outta here! This place'll go up any second! 

They all run out, and watch as the Base Camp explodes in a magnificent 
fireball. The Panthers begin to rejoice, and BUCKY and JENNY begin to 
cuddle one another, glad to be back together again. WILLY and DEADEYE 
simply cheer the Panthers on.

WILLY: (To GENERAL) Well, at least you have your planet back.

GENERAL: Yes, and when life here returns to normal, we'll make sure a 
thing like this never happens again. 

HANCOCK: Time I think for a bit of music! 

He begins to play a merry jig on a string instrument rather like a 
viola, which he'd found in a crumbling warehouse. Everyone begins to 
dance along, happy that the Toads are no longer in control. GENERAL and 
DOUGLASINA begin to exchange a passionate kiss, and fall to the ground. 
Watching them from a distance away is ANDREW.

DOUGLASINA: (Off screen) Och, General! 

ANDREW: I never thought of that one either! 

He begins to walk off into a desert part of the planet. WILLY notices 
him, and breaks off from the dance. He follows ANDREW to a small 
canyon, where ANDREW sits on a rock, watching the sunset. He notices 
WILLY, and fishes something out of his pocket.

ANDREW: Here, Willy. I'd like you to have this.

He hands WILLY the object. It is a small medal, with the words

AWARDED TO CHUCK BODGERS
BY UQHUART ZILLER
COMMANDER OF PLANET 79 DEFENCE
WEDNESDAY 26TH NOVEMBER 2053

WILLY: I can't, Andy. I'm not a hero like you.


ANDREW: Well, maybe not. I still owe you my thanks. You were the one 
who reminded me why I became Chuck Bodgers in the first place. 

He gazes at the sunset.

ANDREW: (Continued) There's an old saying, Willy. That one mans' sunset 
is another mans' dawn. My time as Chuck Bodgers may be coming to an 
end, but I'd say that for both you and Bucky, the journey has just 
begun. I'm too old to be saving planets now; I'm barely able to keep 
XL6 afloat! But if Chuck Bodgers were to retire now, I'd just want him 
to be remembered. 

WILLY: I'm sure he will, Chuck.

ANDREW: No. Andy!

They both watch the sun set over the canyons on the horizon, as the day 
slowly turns to night.


THE END