"When Bucky O'Hare met Roger Rabbit" by Andrew Norris SCENE ONE The Toad Mothership TOADBORG is speaking on a videophone to a VOLE, whom is blocked from view by TOADBORGS' colossal armour. TOADBORG: What have you to report? VOLE: The XL6 has completed its systems check, and will remain on standby until noticed. The Fearless has been restored to full working order, and is now under the command of a new Captain. TOADBORG: Who is? VOLE: It has not yet been verified. The UAC is expecting the latest report from Earth any time soon. When shall I commence Plan ETT? TOADBORG: Wait until the report comes through, and then activate the satellite. Are you certain the UAC are oblivious to it? VOLE: Yes, no need to worry. When do I get my simoleons? TOADBORG: As soon as you have completed your task. Toadborg out. He severs the link. SCENE TWO UAC Council Building, Genus FRITZ, GRIFF and COUNCIL MEMBERS are listening to a recording on the video screen. On the screen is the face of ZAKARIA ZEROX, Mammal Agent on Future Earth and Pilot of WSP vessel Fireball XL1 ZAKARIA: This is Zakaria Zerox reporting. My friend, Thadeel Iqbal of Fireball XL14 has been in the vicinity of Sector 4, and I fear he may soon discover the Aniverse. There has been a Civil War on Planet 41, and many ships including myself have been sent out to restore order. I now report from Fireball XL1 rather than Space City to prevent any suspicions arousing. Nothing has been said about Fireball XL6 for almost a month, yet Commander Zero has ordered James Goddard of Fireball XL30 to patrol Sector 12 should he be still alive. I shall report on any further activities. Zakaria out. The screen goes blank as the COUNCIL begins to discuss the report. FRITZ knocks his mallet and restores order. FRITZ: Our next item on the Agenda involves the new Captain for the Fearless. Captain O' Hare has suggested some candidates for the task. One Councillor, A MOUSE, stands up. MOUSE: Why is The Fearless returning into commission? FRITZ: It is essential that the fleet expands if we are to defeat the Toad Empire. Now, Captain O' Hare... MOUSE: Is it possible to see Captain O' Hare? FRITZ: Certainly. Please wait here. He turns to MISS SHEFFIELD, as the COUNCIL unsettles again. FRITZ: Do you know where Captain O' Hare is? MISS SHEFFIELD: Yes sir. FRITZ: Good girl. If you bring him here for me, I'll try and keep them occupied. MISS SHEFFIELD goes off, as a Vole, PRIVATE SNOEK, walks in. FRITZ: Yes? SNOEK: The Screaming Mimi is ready to return to Genus, sir. FRITZ: Very well. They may land on Pad 9-D. SNOEK: Yes sir. SNOEK walks off, as he smiles slyly. SCENE THREE Buckys' Apartment JENNY and BUCKY are sat in boredom, reading magazines and thinking of past memories. JENNY: I wonder how Willy is. BUCKY: He'll be fine. He can take care of himself. JENNY: I know, but he's like a brother to me. BUCKY: (Quizzically) Rather him than Tommy? JENNY: (Sighs) Yeah. Like that. BUCKY: Knowing Willy, he'd probably be studying or tinkering with something. There is a clanging from out in the hallway. BUCKY walks out of the door to investigate, JENNY behind him. Others in different apartments are doing the same, only to find SNOEK working on a set of circuits running up the wall. BUCKY: Snoek, what the hell are you doing? SNOEK quickly disguises himself as the cowardly officer people think he is. SNOEK: (Stammering) I...I'm sorry, Captain. I needed to repair the systems. BUCKY: (Sighs) Alright. But keep it down a bit, will ya? BUCKY, JENNY and other OFFICERS in the apartments move back to their rooms. SNOEK snarls as he continues to work. SNOEK: (Low Growl) I'll keep you down under my thumb when I'm through. BUCKY: I'll never understand that guy. JENNY: He's a weakling. BUCKY: A weakling with a tendency to annoy. JENNY: You find Mimi annoying, but you get on well with her. BUCKY: Mimi's a friend, not a stranger. Knock on door. BUCKY: Come in. Enter MISS SHEFFIELD MISS SHEFFIELD: Excuse me Captain, but Chairman Warner wishes to see you in the Board Room. BUCKY: Alright, I'm coming. They exit. Passing SNOEK. As they disappear, the vole sneaks a small electronic device into the system SCENE FOUR DuWitt House, San Francisco, Earth WILLY is sat in his room, watching a DVD of "Who Framed Roger Rabbit" that his parents bought him for Christmas. WILLY watches the TV with tired eyes. ROGER RABBIT: (On TV) Yeah, where is your brother anyway? He looks a sensitive and...sober fellow. BOB HOSKINS: (On TV) That's it. I'm calling the cops. ROGER RABBIT: (Sobbing) Go ahead! Call the cops! I come for help and what d'you do? You turn me in! So long, and thanks for nothing! BOB HOSKINS: That's the closet! Stupe! WILLY glances from the TV onto his door. WILLY: (To himself) I wonder how Jenny is. He leaps from his bed, activates the Photon Accelerator, and walks out of his room, leaving the TV playing to itself. ROGER RABBIT: (On TV) Eddy Valiant. You're under arrest. (Babbles) SCENE FIVE UAC Council Building. Everyone is now listening to BUCKY as he explains the qualities of his candidates. BUCKY: And I'm sure Brigadier Martin would make an excellent Frigate Captain. The COUNCIL murmur in confused agreement and disagreement. GRIFF: No offence, Captain O' Hare, but isn't the Brigadier...old? BUCKY: (Takes it into consideration) I suppose you're right. FRITZ: Who was your last candidate? BUCKY: Raul Mew. The COUNCIL murmur again. The MOUSE stands up once more. MOUSE: Do you mean Colonel Mew? BUCKY: The very same. MOUSE: Why do you choose him, Captain? BUCKY: He has had experience on the Fearless before. As memory serves, he was the First Mate until we learnt of Jacks' secrets. Also he was a graduate in Nuclear Engineering at the Graham Institute. MOUSE and GRIFF look at one another, then to BUCKY. GRIFF: I suggest an adjournment to decide. FRITZ: Very well, meeting adjourned. The COUNCIL begin to break away. Out in the corridor, SNOEK is speaking to TOADBORG on his wrist-comm. SNOEK: The satellite will be activated in 3...2...1...zero and go! In space, a satellite beam hurdles out of a metallic sphere into Genus. The wrist-device on SNOEK begins to trill. SNOEK: What's wrong? On Earth, the TV in WILLYS' room begins to distort. A beam of light hurdles from it and combines with the satellite beam, which hurdles into the Board Room. Everyone steps back, while BUCKY draws out his gun. The beam of light fades, to reveal ROGER RABBIT. BUCKY: By the Great Mother, what was that? ROGER gets up, and spins around dizzily. ROGER: Say, what's going on here? BUCKY: Who are you? Where do you come from? ROGER: (To Bucky) Howdy, cousin! I'm good old Roger Rabbit! He steps forward to give a handshake, but BUCKY keeps him at bay. ROGER: What's wrong partner? It's only a handshake! BUCKY: Where do you come from? ROGER: ToonTown. What about you? BUCKY: That's none of your concern. FRITZ: (To Bucky) Bucky, I'll handle this. He steps forward towards ROGER. FRITZ: Hello there. I'm Fritz Warner. ROGER: Hi there! I'm Roger Rabbit. He shakes FRITZs' hand, shocking him with a hand-buzzer. SNOEK runs in, and sees what's going on. GRIFF: What is it, Snoek? SNOEK: Nothing. I heard something going on, that's all. He turns to exit, muttering under his breath. ROGER: (Letting go of Fritz) Say, what do you do for fun around here? GRIFF: (Furious) This is an important Council Building! You've no right to assault the Chairman! ROGER: Take it easy buddy. I'm only trying to liven up the place. GRIFF: Then go and liven up the place somewhere else! ROGER: Sure thing, Scroogey-boy. ROGER babbles as he makes a hole in the wall of his outline. The COUNCIL are left dazed and confused. FRITZ: Bucky, I think it's best you take the Righteous Indignation and see what caused that beam. BUCKY: With pleasure. JENNY and BUCKY exit, both annoyed at the mess the strange rabbit has made. SNOEK hides in the shadows, muttering to himself. SNOEK: If I don't get that satellite repaired and Genus destroyed, Toadborg'll have *my* head. SCENE SIX The Righteous Indignation BUCKY and JENNY scan the sectors of space surrounding Genus. WILLY tinkers in the background, while BRUISER and DEADEYE chat away in the lower decks. There is a banging from the instruments in front of BUCKY and JENNY. JENNY: What's happening? BUCKY: (Gazing at the instruments) Nothing. Everything's normal. JENNY: But what's that banging? ROGER pulls himself out of a small space in the machinery and gives a weird smile at JENNY ROGER: It's only me, toots! He gives her a sloppy kiss. JENNY wipes her fur in disgust, while BUCKY chases ROGER around the cockpit. ROGER: (Babbling) P-P-Please, don't be such a sourpuss! BUCKY: (Mad) I wasn't until you just did that! The two hares continue to fight for sometime. The instruments bleep again, and JENNY and WILLY break up the rioting rabbits. WILLY: Geez, calm down you two. ROGER: He started it! JENNY: (Ignoring him) Bucky, we've detected some kind of satellite, bearing 7240 Yellow. BUCKY: Excellent. Prepare to scan it, Jenny. That was probably what bought this (Gesturing to ROGER) into Genus. WILLY: One thing still gets me. BUCKY: What's that? WILLY: Why didn't the Genus Defence System destroy it? BUCKY: Probably out of range. ROGER: (Gazing at the metallic sphere outside.) Oh boy! A Space Adventure! ROGER spins wildly in circles, and the sound of squealing brakes is heard as ROGER is now in an oversized costume of red with a symbol of a golden carrot in the middle of the shirt. ROGER: This looks like a job for Tuck Splodgers In the 25th ¾ Century! BUCKY: (To WILLY) Try and keep our friend busy. WILLY: Sure. (Turns to Roger) Err...Roger ROGER: In this guise, I am 'Tuck Splodgers'! WILLY: OK, 'Tuck Splodgers', do you know how to play 21? ROGER: Sure. I even know how to play 16, and 9, and 4... WILLY: (Dully as he leads Roger away) Interesting ROGER: Oh! And also 35, 46, 193, 72... BUCKY: (To Jenny) Are you alright? JENNY: I'll be fine. It isn't the first time I've been kissed by a rabbit. BUCKY: (Blushing slightly) Yeah. What do the scanners say? JENNY: The satellite is a Solar Concentrator. BUCKY: What? JENNY: A device that concentrates amounts of solar and thermal energy into a kind of heat ray, which can massacre a whole population. BUCKY: Like the early masers. JENNY: Exactly. It must've intercepted Rogers' transmat beam and caused him to arrive on Genus. BUCKY: We'd better tie it up and bring her down before any more trouble arouses. SCENE SEVEN Genus Control, Landing Pad 9-D The Screaming Mimi makes a perfect touchdown in the quiet bay. The only other ships there are the Indefatigable and XL6. MIMI disembarks from the ship, speaking to JONATHON as she walks along. MIMI: And that's why they gave the Fearless a coat of paint. JONATHON: Didn't you work on there once? MIMI: Oh yeah. But for a time. After Jack tried to hand me over a first time, I settled down and became a smuggler, all the time in hiding so as not to get caught. JONATHON: Survival of the fittest? MIMI: Yeah. Served Jack right, the frelling prick. JONATHON is hit hard in the back by a stun ray from the shadows. MIMI slowly moves a hand toward her gun, but a maser pistol is prodded hard in her back. SNOEK: Don't try anything, LaFleur. MIMI: (Shocked) Snoek! SNOEK: Yes, Snoek. (Stammers) All th...the time a snivelling coward, (Unaffected voice) While doubling for the Toads right under your noses. MIMI: But why, Snoek? SNOEK: As you said, Mimi. "Survival of the fittest" MIMI: (Screaming) Dile! Larry! SNOEK gags her with his furry, auburn hand. SNOEK: Calling for help is futile. Your little crewmembers have already had a taste of this stun-ray, and unless you co-operate, you will also get a taste! Now, let's just take a little trip down the corridor shall we? (Prodding the gun into her back) And remember this! He moves her off at gunpoint. As they exit the hangar, COMMANDER DOGSTAR and LIEUTENANT WOLF enter through a separate door. DOGSTAR: And that's how we gave those Toadies a good thrashing! WOLF: Commander! (Pointing at DILE, halfway out of The Screaming Mimi) Look! DOGSTAR looks at DILE, he is stirring and groaning slightly. DOGSTAR: Wolf! Go and get help! I'll see what's gone wrong! WOLF exits, in the same direction he entered, while DOGSTAR begins to check DILES' pulse. SCENE EIGHT The Righteous Indignation The satellite is now tied to the side of the ship, and making its' way slowly back to Genus, should it re-activate. ROGER, now back in proper clothing, is a playing card game with DEADEYE and WILLY, while BRUISER and BLINKY look on. WILLY: (Handing Deadeye a card) Stick or miss? DEADEYE: (Looking at the card) Hit me. WILLY hands him another card. DEADEYE: I'll stick. WILLY: (To ROGER) Card, Tuck Splodgers, I mean Roger...Oh! Card? ROGER: Hit me. WILLY hands ROGER a card. He takes a look, and turns to WILLY. ROGER: Can I play with one card? WILLY: Err, sure I guess. OK, what have we got? DEADEYE: (Putting down his cards) Nine. WILLY: (Puts down his cards) Eleven. ROGER: Hooray! Twenty-One! I win. DEADEYE: Wait a minute! DEADEYE snatches ROGERS card and looks at it. It is the 21 of spades. DEADEYE: You flea bitten...! ROGER babbles as he zooms out of DEADEYES' reach. ROGER lands beside BLINKY on top of DEADEYES' chair. ROGER: C'mon, Deadeye. Where's your sense of humour? BLINKY: Is guest suffering from mental illness, or does guest have unusual behaviour patterns? ROGER: My 'silosphy' is this. If you don't have a sense of humour, you're better off dead. DEADEYE: If you don't cut it out, you'll get your wish! BUCKY: (From above) Fasten your seatbelts everyone! We're coming in to land. They all brace themselves as the ship begins to slow down. SCENE NINE A Broom Cupboard outside the Landing Bay, Genus MIMI has been tied and gagged and is struggling to break out of her bonds. SNOEK simply delights in watching her try to writhe out of the metallic rope. SNOEK: (Sneers) Don't bother Mimi. By the time you break free, I'll have re-activated the satellite and destroyed Genus. Someone prods a gun into SNOEKS' back. Behind him is COLONEL RAUL MEW, A panther in his mid-20s' in an orange uniform with golden lining. RAUL: Get your hands up. SNOEK: (Slowly puts up his hands) Wh...what is wrong, Colonel? RAUL: Don't play dumb with me, Snoek. I've been watching you since you got here. Corporal Nass has done the same, now I think its' time for a transfer for you, to Conva. SNOEK: The Prison Planet? RAUL: Yes. He fires his stun ray, knocking SNOEK to the ground. RAUL begins to untie MIMI, as she begins to catch her breath. RAUL: Are you alright? MIMI: (Panting for breath) Yes, Thanks. You knew about Snoek? RAUL: Ever since he got here. I needed proof that he was an agent. MIMI: You have me. RAUL: You'd back me up? MIMI: Sure. You saved my life. You scratch my back, and I scratch yours. RAUL: (Smiles) Thank you. They here a trilling noise from SNOEKS' wrist. RAUL begins to type over the buttons frantically! RAUL: Frell! MIMI: What's wrong? RAUL: Snoek has re-activated the satellite. The Righteous Indignation could blow any second! MIMI: Crap! As the Righteous Indignation draws closer, the trilling gradually gathers speed. When it finally stops. SCENE TEN The Righteous Indignation ROGER is now caught in a glowing field, WILLY, DEADEYE, BRUISER and BLINKY watch as ROGER is sucked into the unknown. ROGER: So long you guys! Thanks for a good time! ROGER now flies through space back to Earth. A Group of Double Bubbles float nearby, watching the Righteous Indignation. The scene begins to echo that of "The Iron Giant" ROGER begins to remember what GRIFF had yelled. GRIFF: (Remembers) You have no right to assault the chairman! ROGER: (Calmly) I can't breathe. He shuts his eyes as he flies straight through the Double Bubbles, exploding them. JENNY: Bucky, I detect 16 destroyed Double Bubbles behind us. BUCKY: But how? (Gazes at Roger flying away) So he was capable of help after all. SCENE ELEVEN Genus Council Building The COUNCIL all murmur at one another, crews of the Indefatigable, Screaming Mimi, Righteous Indignation and XL6 are present. FRITZ: To start the agenda, I'd like to welcome Colonel Raul Mew as our new Captain for the Fearless. They all applaud RAUL, who simply blushes. FRITZ: Secondly, I want to mention our new Earth Agent for Willys' time zone. MOUSE: Who's he? FRITZ: Take a look at the screen. The screen shows the ending credits of a Looney Tune cartoon. ROGER pops up. ROGER: Eeeebileeebileeeb, That's All Folks! THE END