Bucky O' Hare In The Space Spectre By Andrew Norris SCENE ONE The Righteous Indignation The small frigate hovers in boredom over a few gaseous planets, waiting for something to happen. BUCKY and JENNY have sat in the same position for almost an hour and are beginning to succumb to the tedium. At last, BUCKY says something. BUCKY: (Sighs) Might as well head back to Genus, nothing's happening here, anyway. JENNY nods in agreement. She is about to restart the motors, when the radio crackles. RADIO: (Almost inaudible over static) This is Fuel Tanker EFZ9...Please help us, we are on fire and our position is 7910 Blue...Tanker EFZ9...Help... JENNY: (Points out of the window) Bucky, look! Outside, a small Fuel Tanker is ablaze. Her two spherical tanks are slowly being eaten away, as the flames grow to incredible size. BUCKY begins to steer towards it, when the Tanker vanishes into thin air. BUCKY: (Shocked) By the Great Mother, what happened? SCENE TWO Genus Board Room, A Few days later CHAIRMAN FRITZ WARNER is studying their report. He thinks about it for a while and then looks up at BUCKY and JENNY. FRITZ: Are you certain the Tanker was a ghost? BUCKY: Of course! We were too far off from the Dark Heart Nebula FRITZ: Surely it could've been you dreaming, it does say in this report that you were both drifting off. JENNY: (Re-Assuring) Chairman, I *am* from Aldrebarren, and I know a ghost when I see one. FRITZ: All the same, I... He is interrupted by a knock on the door. FRITZ: Come in. Enter COLONEL RAUL MEW; his face is incredibly pale. FRITZ: What is it, Colonel? RAUL: (Stammering) C...C...Come to Genus Control and you'll see. They all exit. As they leave, a ballpoint pen floats out of a desk tidy and begins to scrawl down something in Aniversian on a piece of paper. SCENE THREE Genus Control Centre, Repair Bay 4-A The Fearless sits on a small pad inside the huge workshop. Her framing is partly visible, with circuits and wires hanging out in several places. Several tools are floating in the air above several shocked technicians. Some are even chasing them. BUCKY, JENNY, FRITZ and RAUL enter, all shocked at the sight. FRITZ: What the frell is going on here? JENNY: (Sarcastically) Just a dream, Chairman. RAUL faints, it is far too much for a panther to take. BUCKY tries to fire at the tools; but to no avail. There is the sound of footsteps from behind them. CAPTAIN SHIRLEY SQUIRREL, PRIVATE MALLARD and CORPORAL KINGSTON of The Genus Home Guard arrive. SHIRLEY: We heard you had a spot (Looks at the flying tools) of bother. MALLARD: (Yorkshire accent) Let me at them, Cap'n. I'll get them. He fires a couple of shots at a flying soldering iron with his giant maser rifle. Again, this has no effect. JENNY secretly casts a quick spell that goes unnoticed by the crowd. The tools fall to the ground, and everyone begins to cheer PRIVATE MALLARD on. KINGSTON: Well done, my boy! You showed them! MALLARD: Ere, I guess I did. JENNY: (Smiles) Well done, Mallard. FRITZ: Now we have to find out what's going on. RAUL: (Muffled) If Captain Squirrel got off of my face, I'd be happy to oblige. SCENE FOUR Fritz's Office BUCKY, JENNY, FRITZ, RAUL and CAPTAIN SHIRLEY SQUIRREL enter. SHIRLEY mutters something to PRIVATE MALLARD and CORPORAL KINGSTON. SHIRLEY: I want you two to write up your report back at HQ and inform Lt. Billon about this. He'll be in command in my absence. KINSTON: Yes, Captain. The pair walks off. By now, the fivesome have noticed the scribbled note on the paper. BUCKY picks it up and holds it up to the light. BUCKY: (Reads paper) "11th Harchtember 3221, Sector 4, Fuel Tanker EFZ9 en route to Planet Noctur 2 exploded by unknown causes. Pilot Vince Chesterton dead, and 175 gallons of Superon Rocket Fuel lost. Wreckage salvaged by Admiral Jack Slicer and First Mate Raul Mew. Wreckage now stored in Repair Bay 4-A. Signed Councillor O' Neill." RAUL: Of course! Councillor O' Neill was the one who ordered the wreckage to be stored away as a tribute to Pilot Chesterton! FRITZ: And the technicians must've disturbed the wreck! He turns to Jenny. FRITZ: Well, Jenny. You're the Parapsychologist, what do you suggest? JENNY: I would say to return the wreck to where it came from, but it'll take a lot more than that. SHIRLEY: Hang on a minute! She opens a filing cabinet and pulls out a sheet of paper. SHIRLEY: (Reads paper) "Dr. Edward Spanner, Dr. Richard Trance, Dr. Patrick Vendman. The Gammorian Ghostbusters. Trained parapsychologists in the field of supernatural elimination needs, Headquarters at Planet Spectros, Sector 13." FRITZ: Sounds like the very people we need. Well, Bucky? Are you up for the challenge? BUCKY: (Slightly Nervous) Sure, Spectros here we come. BUCKY and JENNY exit, while the rest begin to clean up. SCENE FIVE The Righteous Indignation The tiny Frigate is hurling through space, straight for Sector 13 and the planet Spectros. BUCKY is slightly petrified, as he begins to remember his last encounter with Spectros. FLASHBACK, PLANET SPECTROS, YEAR 3219 The Righteous Indignation is on its second assignment, the safe passage of goods to scientists on Spectros. JENNY and BUCKY are unloading several crates and barrels onto the eerie surface. BUCKY wanders off to find the Head Of the Expedition, walking straight into a disturbing skeleton of a hare, the same height as him. BUCKY screams, and runs off, leaving the blackened sockets of the skull tracing his path through the mist. BACK IN THE RIGHTEOUS BUCKY shivers at the thought of seeing his future self again. JENNY notices this, but pretends she didn't. JENNY: There she is, Spectros. Outside, a small planet is nearby, shrouded in thick clouds of bluish- grey. First impressions would be that it is a scaled-down, solid form of the Planet Neptune. BUCKY calms his nerves and looks at the spectral planet below them. BUCKY: OK, prepare to land. SCENE SIX Planet Spectros The Righteous Indignation makes a smooth touchdown onto the damp, rocky surface. BUCKY, JENNY and DEADEYE exit, while BUCKY gives instructions to BLINKY. BUCKY: I want you and Bruiser to stand guard, Blinky. If Willy turns up, let him know of the situation. BLINKY: Yes, Captain O' Hare. Take care in surveillance of planet Spectros. BUCKY: Thanks. The threesome walk off, pistols at the ready. A disturbing fog clouds over them, like some silvery weed. There is a distant howling noise, as though someone is in extreme pain. As the trio trek deeper into the fog, the howling gradually becomes louder and louder. BUCKY can now clearly hear his heartbeat in his ears, palpitations ticking away like a fast-paced clock. Abruptly, the groaning ceases, as disturbing as it had started. DEADEYE looks back; the outline of The Righteous Indignation is barely visible through the mist. The trio feel themselves enveloped in abject terror, when two blinding lights, like a set of eyes appear from the mist. VOICE: Hello! Is anyone out there? In front of them, an antique hovercar pulls up. It is overall ivory- colour, with several strange pieces of machinery protruding from its roof. BUCKY notices the strange yellow number plate labelled "ECTO 2", almost invisible in the fog. Out of the car steps A RACOON, who steps calmly to them. RACOON: You'd better come with us, my friends. The spirits of this planet are determined to keep the planet to themselves at all costs. Please get in the car. He ushers them into the car, and they drive off. SCENE SEVEN Gammorian Ghostbusters HQ, Spectros Through the fog lies a crumbling airfield, still enveloped in thick fog. This is the Headquarters of the Gammorian Ghostbusters, and the only safe house on Spectros. Outside lies a small cruiser, perhaps even a mock-up of a Mammalian frigate, overall deep grey, with the words "ECTO 3" written across the hull. Inside the control tower, THE RACOON, BUCKY, JENNY, DEADEYE and A MALE ALDERBARREN are conversing. RACOON: You are lucky my friends. You were right in the path of Zone 4, where the Ghostly Cavalry are often seen at this time of day. BUCKY: Are you the Gammorian Ghostbusters we've heard so much about? RACOON: Yes, I'm Dr. Trance, and this is Dr. Vendman. ALDERBARREN: Pleased to meet you. JENNY: I thought Alderbarren law forbade anyone of our species meddling in the affairs of the occult. VENDMAN: True, Miss Jenny. But it is also said that males are not entitled to anything on our planet. So, I guess I'm allowed to meddle. BUCKY: (To Dr. Trance) You just mentioned Zone 4. Why is the planet separated into zones? TRANCE: Because there are so many spirits dwelling on the planet, we split the planet into different zones, so we can tell which spirit is getting restless. He walks over to a table and sits back down with a map of the planet in his lap. It is split into several small districts, and are all labelled with different numbers. TRANCE: Zones 1, 2 and 4 are the territory of ghostly battalions from the planets heyday. They'll still shed the blood of anyone entering their country. Zone 3 was once a Scientific Research Base, usually for horrific experiments on prisoners from the first Toad Invasions, almost a century ago. Many Hares still avenge their deaths by blocking entrance to anyone daring to set foot there. BUCKY shivers slightly. TRANCE: (Continued) Zones 4, 5, 6 and 7 were once the planets oceans, where shipwrecks and sea mammals still haunt the ravine where to waters once flowed. Zone 8 is the area we occupy, and is pretty much deserted. Finally, Zones 9 and 10 cover the equator, and are the home to many forgotten relics of the planet's old transit system back in ancient times. All abandoned in 2430 when the first spacecraft came to the planet. The old Pneumatic Railway from 2245 is still there, with passengers waiting for eternity to catch their train. VENDMAN: They could wait maybe even longer. BUCKY: This isn't really the reason why we came here. VENDMAN: Why? What's the matter? JENNY: Genus is having a little ghost trouble. Some technicians have disturbed the wreck of an old fuel tanker, and now we have spirits ruining the place! TRANCE: Fuel Tanker? BUCKY: Yes, Fuel Tanker EFZ9. Destroyed almost 4 years ago. TRANCE: (To Vendman) That would make it a Class 14 Phantasm. VENDMAN: Or a Number 9. E.M. Vapour. He turns to BUCKY VENDMAN: If you return to your ship, we should be ready for blast away at 14:00 hours. I'll have Dr. Spanner get the Ecto 3 ready. BUCKY: Sure, if you can give us a lift. TRANCE: No problem, I'll go get the Ecto 2 ready. They turn to leave, BUCKY'S face clouds with a worried expression. BUCKY: (Thinks) SCENE EIGHT Genus Control Centre Around the bays and docks, ghosts and spectres fly around, menacing those nearest to them. Utensils and pieces of machinery float around by themselves, making fiendish moves at victims. CORPORAL NASS is fighting with a set of wires protruding from his desk. They are wrapped around him like the tentacles of some monster, attempting to strangle him to death. NASS: (Tugging at the wires) Get them off me! Get them off! A TECHNICIAN helps him to pull them off; NASS recovers himself and dismisses the TECHNICIAN. NASS jumps under his table, diving from a flying wire-cutter. NASS: Where the frell is Captain O' Hare? This is getting out of hand! Nearby, HANNAH is hiding inside the XL6, which hasn't moved for quite a while. She is watching the carnage outside in disgust, and begins to speak to herself. HANNAH: I just hope I can remember that Calming Spell. Her spell gems begin to glow slightly, as she casts a quick spell. Some of the ghosts die down, but there are simply too many. HANNAH: Damn! If only Jenny were here, at least she can do a proper Calming Spell! NASS: (Enters) Hannah! Have you seen Captain Squirrel? HANNAH: She's back at her HQ. Lieutenant Billon is on his way with a few troops to help out. NASS: (Furious) A few?! We need every person in the Fleet to get rid of this lot! Where the hell is O' Hare? SCENE NINE The Righteous Indignation BUCKY and JENNY return to their ship, confronted by BLINKY, whom seems in an anxious mood. BUCKY: What's wrong, Blinky? BLINKY: Has Captain O' Hare not seen Engineer DuWitt? BUCKY: No. Why? BLINKY: Engineer DuWitt gone to search for Captain and First Mate in fog. BUCKY: Damn! We'll be delayed. JENNY: I may be able to contact him; I just hope he hears me. The spell gem on her head begins to glow, as she begins to contact WILLY. SCENE TEN Shankend Station, Zone 9, Spectros WILLY, after wandering through the fog, has wandered down a flight of steps, and has arrived at a derelict station on the old Pneumatic Railway. There is tile work across the richly decorated walls and ceiling. Dust and age are beginning to take their toll on this old station, which still makes WILLY react with awe. He notices the platform signs in Aniversian. He begins to squint his eyes in an attempt to translate them. WILLY: (Reading sign) Sh...Sha...Shank...End. Shankend? He looks at another sign made of glass. WILLY: Spec...Spectros...Pneu...Matic...Railway...2245. There is a distant chuffing noise, like that of a very early train. It gradually gets louder and louder. WILLY turns around, and part of the platform gives way beneath him. He lands headfirst onto the weed- infested track, with the chuff-chuff sounds now clearly audible. WILLY looks ahead, and notices a Ghost Train making its way towards him. WILLY picks himself up and begins to run along the track bed, taking care not to trip over any sleepers. WILLY dares not to look back; he knows that the phantom locomotive is still chasing him along the line, its whistle shrieking like a lost soul. He can feel the eerie light of the headlamp cast dancing shadows ahead of him. All he can do is to keep running into the darkness ahead, in an attempt to lose his predator at a turn in the line somewhere. SCENE ELEVEN Van Horne Station, Zone 9, Spectros The slightly cleaner station is just down the line from Shankend. BUCKY, JENNY and DR. VENDMAN are there searching for WILLY. VENDMAN is waving a black, heavy-duty tool with a dome head around in the air. It buzzes and pulses as it works. BUCKY: I just hope Willy is around here somewhere. JENNY: This is where I sensed him, but I feel it was somewhere further along the line. BUCKY: Whereabouts? She points down a crumbling tunnel mouth, leading south of the station. VENDMAN points his device down the tunnel. It picks up wild measurements. VENDMAN: Wow! 2.3 GEV's according to the Giga Meter! BUCKY: Where does that tunnel lead, Doctor? VENDMAN looks at the tunnel mouth, sensing something coming. VENDMAN: (Disturbed) That leads off to where the derailment of 2247 occurred. It happened at Shankend Station, the next station down the line. It passed through this station, ran further down the line (Pointing the opposite way) and crashed at The Vampire & Castle station, some five yards up. Killed some 25 people, the cause being a leak in the brake pipes on the track. There comes the chuffing noise of the phantom train once more. Through the tunnel comes WILLY, panting for breath. He scrambles up onto the platform, gaining help from BUCKY and JENNY, just moments before the ghostly train rattles by. VENDMAN puts down his Giga Meter and switches it off. He pulls out a bulky rifle, which is connected to his box-type backpack via some kind of tubing. He fires a blast of some kind of proton beam at the train, trapping it in a beam of blinding white light. He then pulls out a disc-like contraption, which splits open, and traps the spectral engine within a vortex that pours out of the disc. The object then closes as its work is done. WILLY: Wow! VENDMAN: (Glances at watch) 1.3 minutes, a new personal record. BUCKY: No time for that now, we've got to get to Genus. JENNY: Let's hope we're in time. SCENE TWELVE Genus The entire planet is now flooded with spectres and the living dead. Everywhere is alive with zombies or spectres or other things that go bump in the night. Citizens flee blindly as the supernatural begin to seize control of the planet. PRIVATE MONTAGUE, a greying, four-armed duck from The Genus Home Guard, stands outside a derelict warehouse, watching the carnage in the Capital from the coast. Shadows dance evilly across the bay from the beams from the Lighthouse, but MONTAGUE ignores them. MONTAGUE: I sure am glad I'm on Beach Patrol. They'll be sending in the Vampires next. VOICE: That can be arranged, Private Montague. From the shadows of the Warehouse, a green feathered vampire duck with centre-parting black hair and a navy blue evening suit, COUNT DUCKULA, steps from the shadows. PRIVATE MONTAGUE steps back slightly, almost at the waters edge, with the bay lying below him, with salty wave crashing against the sides of the promenade. COUNT DUCKULA steps forward. DUCKULA: I feel like having a little bite later on, or even right now. MONTAGUE: Count Duckula? I thought that it was only ghosts that had been disturbed by the wreckage of EFZ9. DUCKULA: You're only half-right, you wrinkled washout! It disturbed the people of the night, not just ghosts. But Zombies, Werewolves, Vampires, Garden Gnomes, Skeletons... MONTAGUE: I don't have time for this! Eat my atoms! He fires a ray set to kill at COUNT DUCKULA. It has no effect. Although it has caused a severe wound, in which the blood of several mammals leaks across his suit, COUNT DUCKULA seems to act as though it were nothing at all. DUCKULA: (Steps forward) "Eat my atoms," you said. I'd be happy to oblige. He steps forward, fangs a pearly white, stained with blood at the tips. PRIVATE MONTAGUE steps forward, as COUNT DUCKULA trips and falls towards his doom. DUCKULA: (Almost emotionless) Aaaaaaaarrrrrrrrrrrggggggggggghhhhhhhhh!!!!! He falls into the sea, his skin dissolving and melting against the ocean waves. All that PRIVATE MONTAGUE can see of his remains is a pool of blood below him, splashing against the sea wall in time with the waves. MONTAGUE: Montague One, Count Duckula Nil. He walks off, not noticing a small MORPHANT creep out from the pool of blood. It looks up at PRIVATE MONTAGUE as he walks off. MORPHANT (Count Duckula's voice) Nothing kills Count Duckula! Nothing! It slowly wriggles away, leaving marks in the sand on the beach as it moves off. SCENE THIRTEEN Genus Control Centre, Landing Pad 12-B The Righteous Indignation and Ecto-3 land alongside The Indefatigable. DR. PATRICK VENDMAN, DR. EDWARD SPANNER and DR. RICHARD TRANCE disembark, followed closely by BUCKY, JENNY, DEADEYE and WILLY. DR. EDWARD SPANNER, a young Hare with Spectacles, scans the area with a small device with two "wings" that are covered by small lights. SPANNER: We must've reached a psychomagnetheric hive, The PKE Meter measures well over 11:27 Hz. This is very intense! VENDMAN: Yep. The Giga Meter's telling me we've got one hell of a Welcome Wagon at 9 GEVs exactly. BUCKY: What does that mean? JENNY: (Looking out) I think it means we're in for a few nasty surprises. Ahead of them, the ghost of SHIRA O' NEILL glares icily at them. She stands there perfectly still, watching their every move. DR. VENDMAN and DR. SPANNER point their instruments t her. SPANNER: I think she must be the Ring Leader of all this, her readings are very high. SHIRA: She? She has a name! VENDMAN: Who exactly are you? BUCKY: I can answer that. SHIRA: (Sharply) Save your breath, O' Hare. I'm capable of introducing myself! I'm Shira O' Neill, and yes, I am the Ring Leader of all this. Just a small push of metal was all it took to release my Empire. JENNY: Your Empire? So it was you who disturbed the wreck of EFZ9! SHIRA: Yes! All of you have no one to blame but yourselves, especially a certain green hare that made me into this form! They all stare at BUCKY, who is shocked. BUCKY: Are you saying that I killed you? SHIRA: Don't try to deny it, Bucky. You know full well that you deflected the blast from my maser with your pesky lightsaber just so you could kill me! BUCKY: I did nothing of the sort! I did it for my own protection! SHIRA: (Obviously not interested) Why on Earth should I hear this from a Minion? I'm the Mistress of The Dead! I can destroy you all in an eye blink! WILLY: (Quietly) I'd like to see you try. SHIRA: (Hears him) You refuse to believe me, boy? How about this? The MORPHANT of Count Duckula limps painfully from the shadows. SHIRA nods her head, and there is a bright glare, as the MORPHANT changes back to COUNT DUCKULA. SHIRA: How's that? DUCKULA: Never better. I sure could go for a Welsh Rabbit. He stares hungrily at BUCKY, and then to DEADEYE. DUCKULA: (Dribbling) Or perhaps a Roast Duck to top it off... What am I saying? I am a Duck! Ah well, I guess Rabbit Stew is better than nothing. SHIRA: Such a shame, isn't it Bucky? Had you not have killed me; I wouldn't have discovered the EFZ9, or even bother to disturb it! Now look at me! I have the power over Life and Death over every creature on Genus! The Ruler of the Dead... DUCKULA: (Interrupts) ...And the Traitor of the Occult! SHIRA: What? DUCKULA: It was you who disturbed our slumber, and those who awaken the Undead shall die! SHIRA: (Stammers) W...Wait! Duckula, please! DUCKULA: (To Group) Fire at will. Frankly, I don't care anymore! The three Doctors open fire on her, trapping her in a web of orange light. DR, SPANNER brings out another one of the traps, as SHIRA and most of the Ghosts around the bay are caught in the vortex. SHIRA: (Echoes) Curse you, O' Hare! The trap closes, everyone stands for a while, listening to the silence of the bay. The only remaining ghoul is COUNT DUCKULA, whom seems by now to have passed his possession of evil. DUCKULA: Not even our own kind is permitted to disturb the guardians of the night. BUCKY: Well, what now? SPANNER: It'll take perhaps just a few hours to round up all of these phantasms, I suggest you try and keep back unless you want your face burned off. The only real help we shall need is to move the wreckage of EFZ9 to a place where it can never be disturbed. DUCKULA: Leave that to me. He picks up some pieces of scrap metal from a nearby wall and takes his leave. JENNY turns to BUCKY. JENNY: Bucky, is it true that you killed Shira? BUCKY: By the Great Mother, Jenny. Not you too! She's just making up a pack of lies! JENNY: Ok, Bucky. I believe you, providing we never speak of it again. TRANCE: Ah, well. Must get to work. C'mon Pat, Eddy. The Gammorian Ghostbusters begin to run around the bay, chasing after thousands of spooks and catching them in their separate traps. BUCKY watches on, but is thinking of a completely different matter. BUCKY: (Thinks) SCENE FOURTEEN Castle Duckula, Transylvania, Earth, Year 3225 The wreckage of Tanker EFZ9 has been hung up in the Picture Gallery as a kind of decoration. IGOR, an ageing vulture, is speaking to NANNY, a bloated, brain-dead pigeon. IGOR: (Deep voice) This, Nanny, is a special decoration his Grace has brought back with him from a journey to Spectros. NANNY: (Cockney Accent) Why would I want a Sea-dress? IGOR: Spectros, Nanny, Spectros. Now, I want you to keep well away from it, these pieces of the wreckage hold the key to the doorway to the World of Evil. He walks off, NANNY just stands there for a while, looking rather stupid. She begins to look around the wreckage, completely ignoring IGOR'S advice. NANNY: What's Igor talking about? I can't see any key. Unknown to NANNY, one of the portraits of COUNT DUCKULA'S ancestors begins to move slowly out of the painting, with fangs aimed directly at NANNY'S neck. THE END