By Andrew Norris


SCENE ONE - A gulf in space

The Righteous Indignation and the Phoenix (DASH DARING'S craft) are 
attacking a large hoard of Toad Double-Bubbles that are streaming from 
a nearby cruiser. The battle appears to be at stalemate, with several 
Toad ships being destroyed, but the shields on the Mammal ships 
buckling.


JENNY: Bucky, our shields are failing! We need to try and fall back 
until we've made the repairs.


BUCKY: (Firmly) No, Jenny! Those Toads are obviously protecting 
something special, and we need to find out what that is!


The number of Double Bubbles is dwindling, but both Mammalian ships are 
taking a pounding.


DASH: (Over radio) We won't last long unless we fall back, captain! I'm 
suffering some severe damage even now!


BUCKY: Sorry, Colonel, but I won't fall back until I've taken care of 
every last Double-Bubble here!


DEADEYE: (Laughs) That's tellin' 'em, Bucky me lad! (to Toads) Eat hot 
ions, ya filthy swampsuckers!


SCENE TWO - The Toad Cruiser

TOAD AIR MARSHAL looks on as the STORMTOADS orchestrate the attack from 
their monitors. FRIX and FRAX exchange glances and turn to look at the 
AIR MARSHAL.


FRAX: Are you sure this is all worth it?


FRIX: Yeah, how could a bunch of old robots help us?


AIR MARSHAL: (Sternly) You forget, Frix and Frax, that the robots 
living on Steampunk Rock supposedly constructed themselves! Anything 
that intelligent would be best served with us!


FRAX: (Anxious) I hope so; it's getting kinda rough out there.


One of the STORMTOADS turns to look at TOAD AIR MARSHAL.


STORMTOAD #1: We're losing ships fast, Air Marshal, but the Phoenix 
seems to be giving way.


AIR MARSHAL: Concentrate your fire on the saucer! Bucky O'Hare will 
just have to wait another day!


KOMPLEX appears on the monitor and frowns at TOAD AIR MARSHAL, who 
reverts into a jibbering wreck at the sight of his master.


KOMPLEX: No! You've cost enough ships on this mission, Air Marshal! 
Recall your ships at once!


AIR MARSHAL: (Stammers) B-B-But, KOMPLEX, those robots could be of use 
to you!


KOMPLEX: My best pilots are of better use to me, Air Marshal! I order 
you to withdraw at once!


The AIR MARSHAL reluctantly complies, and signals for the Double-
Bubbles to be recalled.


SCENE THREE - The U.A.S. Phoenix

As the Double-Bubbles are slowly recalled, the Phoenix continues to 
take a pounding from the remaining Double-Bubbles, and it isn't long 
before one of the consoles explodes as a result. LT. VENUS, DASH'S 
female pilot, attempts to correct course while DASH tends to the 
damage.


DASH: (Panics) Our anti-gravity jets have been damaged, Lieutenant! 
We've got no choice but to make an emergency landing on Steampunk Rock!


VENUS: (Into radio) Calling Captain O'Hare! We are suffering severe 
damage! We are landing on Steampunk Rock to make repairs.


BUCKY: (Over radio) Roger that, Phoenix. We'll wait in orbit in case 
the Toads try to make a surprise attack.


The crippled flying-saucer wobbles drunkenly downward over an enormous 
asteroid known as Steampunk Rock, due to it's elliptical shape that 
resembles some of the earliest conceptions of other worlds. The saucer 
careers downward and makes a rough landing on the barren surface.


SCENE FOUR - Steampunk Rock

The surface of the asteroid is dark and barren, littered with craggy, 
grey rocks that seem to be rich in metal. Two robots named MARK and 
BANQUO are making their way across the surface. MARK resembles a metal 
stove with girders for limbs and a smokestack for a head, while BANQUO 
resembles a steam-driven C-3PO, with pistons for appendages. They 
notice the Phoenix in the distance and move to take cover.


BANQUO: (Buzing voice) Look, a spaceship, Mark! What do the organics 
want here?


MARK: My sensors noticed a large battle taking place nearby. If you ask 
me, their ship is damaged, and they are now trying to repair it.


BANQUO: Do you suppose we should help them?


MARK: (Firmly) No. We've already had enough trouble from the organics 
as it is.


BANQUO: Well, that may be fine for you, Mark, but I, for one, am going 
to help them!


MARK stutters as BANQUO walks out, and MARK sighs defeatedly as BANQUO 
approaches. Outside the ship, LT. VENUS and DASH have put on space-
helmets and are now repairing the exterior of the craft. Both of them 
look surprised to see an old-style robot approaching from out of 
nowhere.


BANQUO: (Friendly tone) Having trouble?


DASH: (Dumbfounded) Well...yes. Where did you come from?


BANQUO: I live here. (holds out hand) My name's Banquo.


He and DASH exchange handshakes, and BANQUO does likewise to VENUS as 
DASH explains their predicament.


DASH: I'm Colonel Dash Daring of the S.P.A.C.E. and this is Lt. Venus. 
Our anti-gravity jets are damaged, and we'll need some help in getting 
them repaired.


BANQUO: Sure thing! I bet Mark will be as pleased as punch!


VENUS: Mark? Who's Mark?


BANQUO: He's the Elder on Steampunk Rock. Can fix up just about 
anything! (calls over to Mark) Say, Mark, these organics are friendly 
folk! It's safe!


MARK sighs angrily, and walks up to the group. He takes a glance at 
DASH'S old Warren Solar Fleet uniform and his despise for the 
"organics" suddenly grows.


MARK: (Arrogantly) Let's just get this thing repaired, Banquo. I want 
these two off our planetoid as soon as possible! I know these organics. 
Space heroes! (scoffs) The last thing the Rock needs.


He moves to get everything ready, and DASH looks over at VENUS with the 
same worry in his eyes.


VENUS: Not a very friendly robot, is he?


BANQUO: Well, the Rock's been going through some rough times lately, 
and poor Mark's been feeling the stress of it all.


DASH: (Raises an eyebrow) Stress?


BANQUO: (Solemnly) A lot of the robots who live here are rebuilt from 
parts of other robots who have shut down, but over time, it's boiled 
down to just us two. There isn't enough spare parts left to revive 
anybody else.


VENUS: Survival of the fittest?


MARK gives her an icy glare, finding disrespect in her words, and the 
group get to work on the saucer.


SCENE FIVE - The Toad Homeworld

Across the Homeworld, an execution is being broadcast as a morale-
booster for the STORMTOADS. Standing before a firing squad are three 
captured humans from Earth, PATRICK EBONY (of the spaceship Fireball 
XL16), and COMMODORE ZAKARIA ZEROX and CLARA ZEROX (both of the 
spaceship Fireball XL1). They stand with their hands tied behind their 
backs, as TOADBORG and MAJOR LILY PADD watch on one of the screens in a 
control room.


ANNOUNCER: (Over TV) These three enemies of the Empire will now see how 
mighty KOMPLEX treats vermin, and let it be a warning to all who 
question his power!


Commanding the firing squad is LT. CARNE, the former ST officer now 
serving as a regular Toad officer.


CARNE: (Barking orders) Firing squad, take aim!


The firing squad all aim their maser rifles at the three astronauts. 
ZAKARIA and CLARA take their executions on the chin and keep a brave 
face, but PATRICK shuts his eyes tight, unable to look at his killers.


CARNE: Fire!


The masers are fired, and the execution crescendoes to the sound of 
applause. PADD smirks as TOADBORG de-activates the monitor, and PADD 
over to a computer desk to toy with a pen discarded by someone.


PADD: Well, at least we have three less problems to worry about.


TOADBORG: Yes, but if only they had been mangy mammals, then I would 
have found it more amusing.


PADD: You heard, of course, about the Air Marshal's expedition to 
Steampunk Rock?


TOADBORG: (Grunts) A waste of time! The Toads are stronger now! We have 
no need for outdated equipment!


PADD: (Sneers) Is that why you led your little expedition to Mankrotia, 
Toadborg?


TOADBORG'S eye sensors glare angrily in PADD'S direction, but she 
continues to smirk, amused by her colleague's anger.


TOADBORG: (Sharply) Watch your tongue, wench! You may be the leading-
lady of almighty KOMPLEX, but I still outrank you!


He storms off in a huff, and PADD places the pen down to watch TOADBORG 
leave.


PADD: I wonder if all machines are as cranky as Toadborg.


SCENE SIX - Steampunk Rock

The Phoenix has been dragged into a small dwelling inside a cave on the 
planet, with several doors built into the walls. The rusting remains of 
old robots litter the ground, decaying into nothingness. However, the 
vastness of the cave is enough to contain the flying-saucer, and the 
small group continues to work on it, but VENUS is shocked to see the 
remains of the old robots.


VENUS: You mean...all of these robots were just left to rust in the 
open?


BANQUO: Well, none of us had any parts for digging, so we couldn't bury 
them, and being metal, cremation wouldn't work either, so we didn't 
have much choice.


MARK strains with a spanner as he tries to move a stubborn valve. He 
grunts and looks down at DASH.


MARK: Typical of an organic just to let the workings of his ship sieze 
up!


DASH: (Eyes narrow) Well, what do you suggest?


MARK: In one of the store-rooms, you'll find a can of Dinoco oil. Bring 
it out and then we can get this done a whole lot faster!


DASH moves out of the saucer and towards one of the doors while the 
trio continue with the work. He opens the door, and finds himself in a 
dusty room lit by a single lightbulb suspended from the ceiling. The 
room is filled with old cardboard boxes that are partially closed, and 
a small worktable nearby is filled with old tins of lubricant.


DASH: (Grumbles) Would help if he'd said WHICH tin!


He eventually finds an oilcan labelled with a "Dinoco" logo. DASH picks 
this up, and turns to leave, accidentally knocking one of the boxes 
over and throwing up a large cloud of dust. DASH looks at some of the 
papers that have fallen out, and finds an old "penny dreadful" that has 
a 19th Century look to the cover.


DASH: (Whispers) Holy...


On the cover is an image of MARK, with a bronze finish, and creditted 
on the cover as "MARCUS THE METAL MAN - PLANET PROTECTOR". Unbeknownst 
to DASH, MARK appears at the doorway and scowls angrily.


MARK: (Harshly) I said get the oil, not snoop around!


DASH jumps as MARK enters, steam hissing angrily, as he snatches the 
magazine from DASH'S hand.


DASH: You were a space hero yourself? So why did you come here?


MARK: None of your business, organic! Just get to work on your damned 
machine!


He begins to walk out, but DASH quickly bars the way, and looks down on 
the robot with a stern look.


DASH: (Sternly) Only cowards try to walk out of an arguement, Mark. All 
I want to know is what happened to you.


MARK: (Calmer) The public is what happened to me. (pause) At the turn 
of the last century, I was one of the pioneering space explorers, 
always looking for new planets in the Aniverse, until one day...


He pulls out another magazine, which shows MARK completely damaged and 
wrecked. The headline is "METAL-MAN SUFFERS NEAR-DEATH EXPERIENCE IN 
BLACK HOLE". DASH looks at this carefully.


DASH: (Murmurs) Right, your escape from the Black Hole in the Beta 
Quadrant.


MARK: It wasn't a lucky escape for me, though. Once all of my parts had 
been repaired, I returned only to find that some new space hero was 
their next cover-boy. (pause) It's the way of things, Colonel. Once a 
newbie gets the media's attention, the old-timers just get left behind. 
I remember when you won all the attention away from Whiz Whippet during 
the '50s. He'd been the golden-boy of the '30s, and now he's just 
another name on a page.


DASH gives a guilty expression, hanging his head low in shame, but 
suddenly looks up again at MARK.


DASH: But I've been accepted back, Mark! I'm with the S.P.A.C.E. now! 
Surely you could make a comeback if you tried!


MARK: (Shakes his head) Not a chance. Too many environmentalists and 
technocrats complaining about carbon footprints and all that crap. I'm 
nothing to them here, I'm nothing to anybody.


SCENE SEVEN - The Righteous Indignation, over Steampunk Rock

DEADEYE has fallen asleep at his maser cannon while WILLY and BLINKY 
set to work repairing the ship, with BRUISER lending the occasional 
hand. Up on the Bridge, BUCKY taps his fingers impatiently as he looks 
at Steampunk Rock below him.


BUCKY: I don't like it, Jenny. It's far too quiet down there!


JENNY: Maybe the damage was even worse than we thought.


BUCKY: Or they've been captured. There's been a lot of stories 
circulating about Steampunk Rock.


JENNY: Yes, but few have ever landed there, Bucky. For all we know, 
these robots might be friendly!


BUCKY: (Pushes a lever) All the same, I'm taking her down!


He pilots the vessel slowly down, just as a Toad Cruiser appears from 
Hyperspace. On the bridge is MAJOR PADD, with a STORMTOAD at her side.


STORMTOAD #2: Why have we returned to Steampunk Rock, Major?


PADD: (Grins) Soldier, are you familiar with the phrase: "If you want 
something done right, do it yourself?"


STORMTOAD #2: Well, yes Major.


PADD: That is what I intend to prove to both the Air Marshal *AND* to 
Toadborg! Neither of them could kidnap an unsuspecting robot, so I plan 
to show them how it's done!


She looks over at another STORMTOAD piloting the Cruiser.


PADD: Is it possible to perform a decent landing?


STORMTOAD #3: It'll be touch-and-go, Major, but there is still a slight 
possibility that we can pull it off.


PADD: Good, then take us down! (to Stormtoads) Arm your weapons, but on 
no condition must these robots be harmed! I want them captured 
preferably still in one piece!


The Cruiser slowly descends, but much farther south than the Righteous 
or the main "village".


SCENE EIGHT - Steampunk Rock

The Righteous begins to make a smooth landing, as DASH, LT. VENUS and 
BANQUO all head up to greet them. MARK stays behind to finish repairs 
to the Phoenix rather than go and greet more organics.


DASH: (Grins) I guess Bucky got a bit worried, huh?


VENUS: Either that or he wants us to hurry things up.


The hatch on the Righteous Indignation opens up, and BUCKY steps out 
along with JENNY. Both of them do not notice BANQUO until DASH 
introduces him.


BUCKY: (Concerned) Colonel, are you all right?


DASH: We're fine, Captain, but our radio had shortened out, so we 
couldn't contact you. (gestures with hand) But Banquo here has helped 
us to get the Phoeniz back in tip-top shape!


BANQUO: (Shakes Bucky's hand) Hi there!


BUCKY and JENNY find themselves shaking hands vigorously with the 
excitable BANQUO, but he suddenly stops as his sensors detect movement 
nearby.


BANQUO: I sense an army of organics heading this way.


BUCKY looks in the distance and sees an army of STORMTOADS marching 
towards them, with MAJOR PADD as their figurehead.


PADD: (Triumphantly) Onward, men! We outnumber them greatly! Nothing 
can stop us now!


BUCKY: (Yells in ship) Yo Bruiser! We could use a little help out here!


As he, JENNY, DASH and VENUS start firing masers, BRUISER steps out of 
the ship and glares in the direction of the STORMTOADS, the frontmost 
of which stop dead in their tracks.


BRUISER: (Snarls) So, you wants a fight, does ya?


STORMTOAD #4: (Stammers) A Betelgeusian Baboon!


STORMTOAD #2: (Retreating) I'm outta here!


BUCKY and the others are about to emerge from their hiding place, but 
are suddenly pinned down by heavy maserfire. Nearby, MAJOR PADD is 
firing a heavy-duty maser rifle that looks much like a grenade 
launcher. Surprisingly, she is not scared by BRUISER'S snarls and 
cries.


PADD: Rant and rave all you wish, Mammal! I have fought against 
Betelgeusian warriors my whole life!


BUCKY and the others are pinned down, and BRUISER is forced to take 
cover behind the ship. The group is pinned down by PADD'S gunfire, 
until a distant explosion attracts the attention of everybody.


BUCKY: (Murmurs) What was that?


PADD looks around nervously, and notices something in the sky. As it 
gets closer, it is shown to be MARK, with flames streaming from his 
feet like two jets. PADD steps back in terror as MARK heroically dives 
towards her, a fist held aloft.


MARK: Nobody attacks the Rock, miss! Remember that when I kick your 
booty back to your homeworld!


He punches PADD hard in the jaw, almost dislocating it, and PADD tries 
to reach for the maser cannon, but a laser blast from MARK'S right hand 
quickly damages it. PADD turns to stare at him harshly.


PADD: (Snarls viciously) This isn't the end, robot! I'll return and 
I'll blow your pathetic asteroid out of the solar system!


She retreats to the Cruiser, which quickly takes off the moment she is 
aboard. MARK smirks as the Toads retreat, and the group move up 
alongside him.


JENNY: (Dumbfounded) That was amazing!


MARK: I didnt necessarily do it by choice, miss. My defence circuits 
still function even if I haven't used them in 100-something years.


BUCKY: You know, I think we could use a robot like you...


MARK: (Laughs) A worn out hunk of junk like me? You can't be serious!


BUCKY: We're short of recruits and we need as many hands as we can. The 
Genus Control Centre is short-staffed, and the Phoenix does need an 
engineer.


MARK looks at BANQUO, who gives MARK a desperate thumbs-up. MARK turns 
to BUCKY with a smile.


MARK: (Grins) In that case, captain, it looks as if Steampunk Rock has 
just declared war on the Toads...


SCENE NINE - Genus Control Centre, Genus, sometime later

CORPORAL RICHARD NASS is at his radio-desk when a blip on his radar 
indicates that a ship is coming in to land.


NASS: (Into intercom) Genus Control to Phoenix, do you read me? Over?


DASH: (Over intercom) Phoenix here, Control. We've just had a skirmish 
with some Toads over Warren. Our engineer says it's pretty bad.


NASS: OK, Phoenix, I'll send down Maintenance to help you out.


Through the door, BANQUO pokes his head, hearing the call over the 
radio.


BANQUO: (To Nass) No need, corporal! I'm way ahead of you!


His legs seize up, and he gestures for NASS to help him. NASS picks up 
a small shovel from nearby and feeds a scoopful of coal into the 
furnace in BANQUO'S stomach. After BANQUO sprays some ash into NASS' 
face from a leaky pipe, he trundles off, leaving NASS alone with a 
blackened face.


NASS: (Grumbles) I think I preferred it when we were short-staffed.


THE END