Bucky O' Hare In An Aniversian Tail By Andrew Norris SCENE ONE Fievel Mousekewitz's Apartment COUNCILLOR FIEVEL MOUSEKEWITZ lies flat over his Writing Desk, asleep. He is clutching something in his paw, with his Home Guard uniform draped over a coat hanger on his wardrobe. His radio chimes 6:00am, and the radio begins to play a radio station. PRESENTER: Rise and shine! It's Genus FM! Today's' top stories here at six. Commander Dogstar made a spectacular display last night when a Toad Patrol threatened the very existence of the planet Toxus 1... FIEVEL wakes up, he is clutching a picture of his mother in his paw. It is a black-and-white photograph, perhaps from the 19th Century. The 31- year-old mouse begins to drown his paw in tears. FIEVEL: (Crying) Mama... He sinks back into his desk, crying his eyes out. SCENE TWO Board Room, UAC HQ, Genus, A little later FRITZ is present, along with GRIFF, BUCKY, MIMI, DOGSTAR and COLONEL RAUL MEW. As FRITZ drones on about the particulars, RAUL and MIMI hold hands beneath the desk, which goes unnoticed by the group. FRITZ: ...And I want to congratulate Dogstar on that miraculous defeat of a Toad Armada over Toxus 1 last night. They begin to applause DOGSTAR, whom simply glows with pride. FRITZ: Now the next thing to discuss is... At that moment, the doors swing wide open, and FIEVEL wanders in. He seems a wreck; his tie is nothing more than a messy knot below his scruffy face. Traces of stubble suggest he hasn't shaved, while his eyes are baggy and red with soreness. FIEVEL: (Pants) S...Sorry everyone. I forgot the time. FRITZ: Very well, Councillor Mouskewitz. Have a seat. He does. BUCKY notices the picture of FIEVEL'S mother still grasped in his paw. FRITZ: The next thing I want to mention is how well The Fearless is coming along. The only thing that is missing now is a crew and an auxiliary afterburner. We've searched almost the whole aniverse for a mechanic who can do this kind of job, and only two people seem apt for the job. RAUL: Who are they, Chairman? FRITZ: Our very own Willy DuWitt, but may be stressed from his part- time duties. And the last is a mechanic from the region of Proximis 4. An owl named Hoots Verne. FIEVEL steadily gets up, sweating at incredible rate. FIEVEL: (Timid) I...I'd better see to Captain Squirrel. He turns to leave. DOGSTAR: I thought the Home Guard had given you a months' leave, old boy. FIEVEL: (Nervous) I know. That's what I need to see her about. He exits. MIMI begins to think, loosening the grip of RAULS' hand. MIMI: Strange. FRITZ: What is it, Mimi? MIMI: First, Councillor Mouskewitz shows up half-an-hour late. Then he has a picture of his mother in his paw. BUCKY: You noticed too? MIMI nods, and continues her story. MIMI: Then he sweats his shirt off when Fritz mentioned Hoots Verne. FRITZ: Hoots Verne is from Earth according to this, but has had very little knowledge of mice, according to him. Anyway, back to the agenda... SCENE THREE Personnel Records, Genus MIMI is going through several files, reading: WARNER, KADDAFI, WARNER, FRITZ, and WARNER, JONATHON. MIMI starts when she hears someone open the door to the darkened room. Turning around, she notices it's BUCKY. MIMI: (Calms down) I thought you'd be Fritz coming in. BUCKY: Sorry to disappoint you. MIMI: What are you here for, anyway? Getting curious about Fritz too? BUCKY: No, I want to see what's wrong with Fievel, and also check out this Hoots Verne character. MIMI: OK, as long as you don't snitch on me. BUCKY: (Shakes her hand) Deal. BUCKY opens a drawer of a filing cabinet, and fishes out a file labelled MOUSKEWITZ, FIEVEL. As he reads it, MIMI begins to talk. MIMI: How exactly did you get in here? Did you chat up another high- ranking officer as well? BUCKY: (Still reading) No. Unlike getting sympathy from Colonel Mew, I simply got permission from Fritz. MIMI: (Unconvinced) How? Did you hypnotize him? BUCKY: No, he was just as disturbed by Fievel as you are. BUCKY finally reaches a section he's been looking for. BUCKY: This can't be...born 1878, he's 1347 years old! He continues to read, with MIMI looking over his shoulder. BUCKY: (Reads paper) "Councillor Mouskewitz arrived on Genus by unknown circumstances at the age of 9, but refuses to explain how he came to this planet. MIMI: (Sarcastic) Yikes. BUCKY: Hmm. He places the file away, and pulls out another labelled VERNE, HOOTS. BUCKY begins to read it, again with MIMI watching him. BUCKY: (Reading) "Hoots Verne. Born 12th March 1852. Crazed Machinist exiled from Earth after his experiments cost the life of two young mice. Hoot's Verne was the pioneer of time-jumps, and was closely associated with Prof. Frankenstoat. The children he killed were aged 9 and 12, and were named Philly Mouskewitz and Tony Taponi." MIMI: Philly Mouskewitz? Ring any bells? BUCKY: That could be the reason for Fievel's behaviour. MIMI: (Clicks fingers) Wait a minute! I know Tony Taponi! He works at that bar up on Dewey Lane! BUCKY: Thanks. Without another word, he is gone. MIMI is on her own, with a set of filing cabinets around her. MIMI: Anyway. Warner, .J.L... SCENE FOUR Tony's Coffee Bar, Dewey Lane, Genus TONY TAPONI, a 34-year-old mouse, is serving coffee to members of the Genus Home Guard. The Bar itself is shiny as a new pin, as though it is kept immaculate at all times. TONY, himself, is also spick and span. His face perks up when BUCKY walks in. TONY: Hi, Captain O' Hare! I haven't seen you around these parts since you were Head of the Home Guard. BUCKY: Yeah. Hi, Tony. TONY: Hang on, who told you my name? BUCKY: Your neon sign. Now, I want to ask you a couple of questions about Fievel. TONY looks down, obviously disturbed by something. TONY: So...He's started to remember, huh? BUCKY: I'm afraid so. And what's more, Hoots Verne is coming to town. What exactly caused you to be so old? TONY: Well, it wasn't really pretty, but... FLASHBACK, NEW YORK CITY, YEAR 1886 The street is alive with the chatter of mice, gathered around HOOTS VERNE, an owl with sunken eyes and a tuxedo. He is standing alongside a funnel-shaped contraption, with a banner above, with the English words "THE MARVEL OF THE CENTURY." A younger FIEVEL, perhaps 9 years old, is standing in the front of the crowd with his parents, MAMA and PAPA, his younger sister, TANYA, and a 12-year-old TONY. MAMA is cradling a young baby, ASHA MOUSKEWITZ, in her arms. Everyone quietens down as HOOTS VERNE begins to speak. VERNE: Fellow Americans. I give you the scientific marvel of the century. A Stellar Transit Tunnel! When I simply set the co-ordinates, I can send anything to anywhere in the stars, as I shall now demonstrate. He begins to press a few buttons, and the machine hums into life. The funnel begins to glow an eerie blue, as it pours out and hits FIEVEL and TONY, slowly sucking them in. PAPA, TANYA and members of the crowd try to pull them back, but the suction is far too strong. PAPA: (Russian Accent) Fievel! Hold on, son! We'll get you out! HOOTS VERNE simply looks on evilly at his machinations. Within minutes, the two mice are hurdling down a vortex of green and blue, before they land flat on their faces in the Main Street of planet Genus. BACK AT TONY'S BAR Everyone has left; it is now late, and TONY is sharing a cup of coffee with BUCKY, as he continues his story. TONY: We tried several ways to get back to New York, Each one failed. Fievel decided, one day, he should try and get a job, and try and earn a ride back home. I just gave up, I thought the only key to getting back home was Hoots Verne, and I've never spoke of the matter since. BUCKY: Do you ever see Fievel, now? TONY: On occasions, I only ever saw him as a friend when he came off- duty from one of his Home Guard patrols. BUCKY: Would you like too? TONY: (Putting down his cup) What? BUCKY: Would you like to go back to New York? TONY: You mean you could? BUCKY: It'll be a bit tricky, but if you come with me, I may be able to arrange something. TONY: (Excited) Gee! Thanks! Fievel too? BUCKY: Either of you will be back in New York by tonight, or my name isn't Captain Buckminster O' Hare. TONY eagerly closes up his bar as BUCKY begins the journey back to HQ. TONY puts up a notice on the door. It is in Aniversian, but is rather like a "For Sale" sign. TONY then picks up the pace, humming a tune to himself. SCENE FIVE Hoot Verne's Ship, In Orbit Of Genus The ship is perhaps nothing more than a single seater transport in the shape of a cube, with the cockpit up to the brim with controls and gauges. HOOTS VERNE, now older and more insane, is speaking to CAPTAIN SMATA on the videophone. SMATA: Are you sure the device is ready? VERNE: Certainly, Captain Smata. I'll have it placed in the auxiliary afterburner when I get down there. No need to worry, the Fearless will never fly. SMATA: See that it doesn't. And remember, Verne. I'm willing to reunite you with Frankenstoat if you are able to take care of that pesky green rodent, and not to mention his annoying panther friend, too! VERNE: I shall do my best to satisfy you, Captain. Hoots Verne out. He severs the link, and begins to bring his ship down slowly. VERNE: Now I can finally take care of those mice that exiled me from Earth! They'll wish they'd never tampered with Hoots Verne! He laughs evilly as his ship draws closer to Genus. SCENE SIX UAC HQ, Genus JENNY is comforting a semi-drunk FIEVEL, while FRITZ speaks to TONY and BUCKY. BUCKY: Anything? FRITZ: He certainly seems up for his homecoming, but with his state, it'll be difficult to convince him that the change is something to get used to. TONY: Err, Chief. Exactly how do you plan to send us home? BUCKY: I think Roger can help us there. TONY: Roger? SCENE SEVEN Warner Brothers Cartoon Studios, California, Earth, Year 1988 ROGER RABBIT is sat with BUGS BUNNY, discussing matters in show business. BUGS: I just can't get it into Daffy's head that Elmer is the one who blasts me, and not him. ROGER: You're lucky; you don't have to keep running after some kid, getting knives and blades stabbed into your ears. BUGS: I wonder where Warner Brothers get all this from, anyway. DIRECTOR: (Off) Roger! Phone! ROGER: (Calls over) Coming! He gets down from his seat. ROGER: Back in a sec, Bugs. He walks over to the phone, and begins to speak. ROGER: Hello, Roger Rabbit speaking...Oh, Hi, Bucky. How did you get this number? Oh right...No, I don't know where the satellite was stored...How should I know? I was being fried by Toad debris by the time you got back...C'mon, p-p-please, I'm going through a tough time here...I know I'm Tuck Splodgers, but I'm afraid I'm a bit tied up right now, literally...OK, Bye. He puts down the phone, and sits with BUGS BUNNY BUGS: Who was that? ROGER: Err... a friend of mine from an old cartoon. From off-stage, DAFFY DUCK enters, his face like thunder. DAFFY: (To Bugs) Hey, Rabbit! That's my seat! BUGS: Oh, sorry Jack. DAFFY sits alongside ROGER, deflating a whoopee cushion. Some assistants laugh, but DAFFY is furious. DAFFY: That does it! DAFFY runs off for a minute, and returns in his Duck Dodgers guise, firing lasers frantically at BUGS. DAFFY: No-one humiliates Duck Dodgers In The 24th 1/2 Century! ROGER: (To himself) That takes me back... SCENE EIGHT UAC HQ, Genus FRITZ is speaking to A PRISON GUARD from the Prison Planet, Conva. The Videophone is connected to a printer on the desk. GUARD: According to our files, Colonel Mew stored the satellite, and only he can operate this. FRITZ: Can't you get Private Snoek? GUARD: He would just try and destroy Genus again. Besides, he's on Death Row until his execution in a few months time. We did, however, learn that the incident with Roger has caused the circuits to act as a Stellar Transmat. It was tampered with by Roger, and is now virtually harmless. FRITZ: Very well, thank you for your time. He severs the link, and looks over to FIEVEL and TONY, now asleep together amongst their luggage. FRITZ: (To Bucky) You'd better try and find Colonel Mew, I'd better see to Hoots Verne. BUCKY: Fine by me. SCENE NINE Colonel Mews' Apartment MIMI and RAUL are in a romantic embrace together, kissing passionately with the bedclothes draped over them. Both have their arms coiled around one another. The intercom begins to ring, and RAUL stops his embrace to answer. RAUL: (Slightly angry) Colonel Raul Mew, here. BUCKY: (On intercom) Raul, it's Bucky. We need to know where you stored Snoek's satellite. RAUL: (Calmer) OK, Captain. I stored it in Storage Bay 3. BUCKY: Thanks, Bucky out. The link is severed, as RAUL places his intercom on the bedside table. MIMI: (Pulling him toward her) Where were we? They resume their passionate kisses. SCENE TEN Storage Bay 3, Genus HOOTS VERNE slowly treks through the darkness, and places a detonator in what he believes to be the Auxiliary Afterburner of The Fearless. There are voices outside, as the door swings open. HOOTS VERNE takes cover in the shadows, as BUCKY walks in. An announcement is being made by CORPORAL NASS on a Tannoy. NASS: (On Tannoy) All personnel please look out for Dr. Hoots Verne. His arrest is essential. I repeat, all personnel find and arrest Dr. Hoots Verne. Please approach cautiously, he is suspected to be armed and dangerous. BUCKY: (Under his breath) I get the idea. He places the satellite onto what seems to be a porter's trolley, his hands shaking under the weight. He trundles it away and disappears, with HOOTS VERNE darting out of the shadows. VERNE: Not long now until I get my 10,000 simoleons, and they get their sticking plaster! Nobody can meddle in the affairs of Dr. Hoots Verne! GUARD: (From outside) I thought I heard him in here. HOOTS VERNE sneaks off into the shadows, while TWO SQUIRREL GUARDS search the area. HOOTS VERNE sneaks past them and heads back to his spaceship. VERNE: (Thinks) SCENE ELEVEN UAC HQ, Genus The satellite is now being prepared. CORPORAL NASS is busily preparing to activate it, as he mutters the input data to himself. NASS: Right, New York City, Earth. Year 1909, in the continent of America, bearing 4620 Green. That should do it! FIEVEL: Thanks for all the good times, Bucky. BUCKY: Thanks, Fievel. FIEVEL: I wish I could stay though, but my parents come first. TONY: Bye, Bucky. Tell Captain Squirrel that she can use the bar if there's no sale. BUCKY: Will do. NASS: Brace yourselves, lads. The transmat is all set! The satellite begins to whine and fizz as it springs to life. FIEVEL and TONY are once again caught in an aura of electricity. As they are transported back to Earth, the satellite suddenly explodes from the device planted by Hoots Verne. Luckily, the effect does little on the room, and everyone is safe. BUCKY: Well, they're back in their own time and place. JENNY: Let's just hope we did the right thing. SCENE TWELVE Mouskewitz Residence, New York City, Year 1909 PAPA sits in his rocking chair, playing mournful music on his violin. He has aged considerably, as has MAMA. The two children, ASHA and TANYA, have also grown older. ASHA is now 25, while TANYA is in her thirties. Very little appears to be happening, except for PAPA'S depressing music, when there is a knock on the door. TANYA: (Almost unemotional) I'll get it. She opens the door. There is FIEVEL, but TANYA doesn't recognize him. TANYA: Can I help you? FIEVEL: Tanya... TANYA suddenly realises who the stranger is. TANYA: Fievel? FIEVEL: Yes, Tanya. It's me. TANYA: (Excited) Fievel! You're back! They begin to hug one another, while PAPA, MAMA and ASHA come to join in with the celebration. PAPA: Our Fievel is back! MAMA: Oh, my little darling! You've come back to us! TANYA: Fievel! We've missed you so much! MAMA: (In Russian) I'm so glad to see you again, my sweet little Fievel! ASHA, being too young to remember FIEVEL, begins to run a paw along his face, as she begins to speak for the first time to FIEVEL. ASHA: Fievel? FIEVEL: Yes, Asha. I'm Fievel. The two begin to cuddle one another, as he is taken inside. PAPA runs outside, calling for someone. PAPA: Tiger! Tiger! Fievel has come back! There is a patting of feet, as TIGER, an orange/grey cat with a crumpled purple shirt, screeches in front of the tiny house. TIGER: Oh, my good golly! After all these years! Fievel is back at long last! TIGER squeezes his face into the window, as FIEVEL explains his story. FIEVEL: Well, after Hoots Verne zapped us with his machine, Tony and I landed on another planet called Genus, which was full of rabbits and cats that were about the same size as us... As he continues his story, TONY arrives from the alleyway. TONY: Ah, well. It's good to be back. Might as well listen to him. He squeezes into the doorway along TIGER, as FIEVEL continues his story long into the night, happy to be back home after 22 years. SCENE THIRTEEN Control Room, Toad Mothership TOADBORG stands in front of a large monitor, watching the Auxiliary afterburner into The Fearless. With him is HOOTS VERNE, and a Weasel named FRANKENSTOAT, who wears a white coat rather like a radiologist. VERNE: I assure you, I made sure the device was fastened in tight. FRANKENSTOAT: Yep. That thing is now full of Vesuvium Nine. The entire capital will be up in smoke in a few minutes. TOADBORG: All right! Shut up! Let's watch what happens. The afterburner is lowered in gently. Nothing has happened. TOADBORG looks down at HOOTS VERNE. VERNE: It needs time to kick in. FRANKENSTOAT: Yes, Vesuvium Nine may be the most dangerous of explosives, but not the most delicate. TOADBORG: Will you shut up! They are beginning the engine test! The engine test works well, the engines firing and cooling perfectly, there is still no explosion. TOADBORG now aims his sights on the cowardly maniacs. VERNE: Please, Toadborg. Wait... It is no use; HOOTS VERNE is shot square in the stomach by a maser. He collapses dead, while TOADBORG speaks to FRANKENSTOAT. TOADBORG: It is obvious that the idiot planted the explosive in another piece of UAC machinery. Seeing as you were the one who created the explosive some years ago, I cannot persecute you. Take your simoleons and get out of my sight. FRANKENSTOAT picks up a set of simoleons on a table, and begins to snivel as he leaves. FRANKENSTOAT: Thank you so much, Toadborg. I shan't bother you again, I promise. You have my word that I shall forever be at your service... TOADBORG hits a computer bank in the wall in fury. A small photo of a young female Toad falls from it. TOADBORG picks it up, making sure no one is watching, and caresses the toads' face delicately with his iron fingers. TOADBORG: (Softly) Mother... THE END