Bucky O' Hare In True Love by Andrew Norris SCENE ONE Mimi LaFleurs' Apartment. MIMI is alone, pondering to herself in the darkness of her quarters. The television is playing away to itself, as MIMI grumbles quietly. MIMI: How can I make Bucky mine when Jenny keeps poking her nose in? She turns towards the TV. A romance film is playing, and shows a MALE HARE and FEMALE HARE in an argument. FEMALE HARE: I can't believe you went out with that cow! MALE HARE: I only did it to make you jealous! You really think I'd date someone as ugly as that? MIMI turns away, with an idea in her head. MIMI: That's it...(!) SCENE TWO UAC Officers' Bar, Genus, The following morning. DOGSTAR, BUCKY and COLONEL RAUL MEW are gossiping over a pint or two. DOGSTAR: (Slurred) When do you get your crew? RAUL: Chairman Warner is searching for candidates now. BUCKY: (Slightly Tipsy) Anyone come up yet? RAUL: No, not yet. DOGSTAR: You'd better hurry up then, lad! Otherwise you'll be here for so long, you'll die of boredom. BUCKY: He's just joking, Colonel. RAUL: All the same, I do hope something turns up soon. Enter MIMI, who sits down beside them. DOGSTAR: Hey Mimi! Care for a drink? MIMI: Sure, Dogstar. (To Bartender) Bourbon, please. BUCKY: If you'll excuse me, I need to see to the ship. Exit BUCKY. DOGSTAR is confused. DOGSTAR: Strange. MIMI: (Sipping her drink) What? DOGSTAR: That's the first time you haven't chased after Bucky when he leaves. MIMI: Ah, I'm through with that. DOGSTAR: (Gobsmacked) This is a turn for the history books! RAUL: What goes on here? MIMI: (Interrupting him) I USED to have this thing for Bucky. DOGSTAR: Thing? You had affection the size of a planet for him! MIMI: That's in the past. (Seductive voice) I've found a new man. DOGSTAR: (Clears his throat) I'd better see to Lt. Wolf. Poor chap's been a little under the weather lately. DOGSTAR exits, almost running. RAUL looks confused, while MIMI runs a hand onto his shoulder. RAUL: What's wrong with Dogstar? MIMI: Who cares? We're together now. Time for a little get together. She pinches his bottom. RAUL gets up, shaking like a leaf. RAUL: (Nervous) I've just remembered! I need to see Fritz about the Fearless. He gets up. RAUL: Bye, Mimi! He runs out. MIMI smiles to herself. MIMI: When Bucky begins to reckon I'm dating the guy, that bunny'll be at my feet in no time. She sips her drink and pays the bartender. SCENE THREE Genus Control, Landing Pad 3-A BUCKY walks over to the Righteous Indignation, where BLINKY and WILLY are repairing a set of circuits dangling from the outside. BUCKY: Willy, have you seen Jenny anywhere? WILLY: (Turns to greet him) I think she said she'd be in her apartment. BUCKY: Thanks. How's the ship? WILLY: She took a pretty good hit. It may take some time before she's spaceworthy again. BUCKY: OK. Try and get some sleep. We're not paying you overtime for this. WILLY: You're not paying me at all! BUCKY laughs as DOGSTAR marches up, panting for breath. BUCKY: Hey, Dogstar. DOGSTAR: (Panting) I had to get outta there! Mimi's lost it! BUCKY: Why? Is she chatting up dogs as well as hares? DOGSTAR: And feeling the posteriors of panthers, too! WILLY giggles to himself as he and BLINKY continue to work. BUCKY: I think I know what she's up to. (Turns to go) I'll see you later, Willy. WILLY: Bye. SCENE FOUR Jenny's Apartment JENNY is sat reading a book. She is alone, and is relaxed as the sound of singing birds echoes through the open window. There is a knock on the door. JENNY: Come in. Enter BUCKY. JENNY puts down her book and gazes up at him. JENNY: Yes, Captain? BUCKY: I just wanted to see how you were. Especially after you banged your head during that Toad Invasion of Toxus 6 yesterday. JENNY: (Feeling the lump on her head) I'll be alright. No big deal. BUCKY: By the way. I was wondering if you'd like to see a movie tonight. JENNY: OK, Buckminster O' Hare. What are you up to? BUCKY: (Looking innocent) Nothing. Nothing at all. JENNY: You can't fool me. What are you after? BUCKY: If you really want to know, Mimi's dating Colonel Mew just to make me jealous of her. JENNY: She must've been watching "Passionate Moonlight" last night. BUCKY: (Continues) To show her it won't work, I was wondering if you'd like to go out somewhere. JENNY: Well, OK. As long as you promise not to feel my tail this time. BUCKY: I promise. JENNY: (Smiles) See you at 8:00. BUCKY: 8:00 it is. He exits. In the apartment next door, MIMI has listened to every word. MIMI: 8:00, perfect. Now to find Raul. There is a loud train whistle behind her, which makes her jump. ANDREW, wearing an apron over his XL6 uniform, is seen inside the apartment taking a kettle off the boil. ANDREW: The Cuppa-Tea Express bound for my belly has arrived on Platform 2. (To MIMI) Care for some tea? MIMI: No thanks. I've got to go. Thanks for letting me spy on them, though. She exits, quietly as she can to prevent Bucky from seeing her. ANDREW: (Activates his radio) British Rail would like to speak to Bucky O' Hare of Mimi LaFleur's motives. Bucky O' Hare, please report to Platform 1. 8:00 PM, That night. BUCKY returns to the apartment dressed in a formal suit of dark green and brilliant silver lining. He knocks on the door of JENNY'S apartment. JENNY appears at the door, wearing a sleeveless dress of Prussian blue and matching slip-on shoes. BUCKY: All ready to go, Jen? JENNY: Sure Bucky. What film are we seeing? BUCKY: I thought we'd wait until we got there. JENNY: OK, at least Andy was kind enough to tell you what Mimi was up to. BUCKY: Yeah. But enough of that, let's get going. They both walk down the hallway and take the lift down. MIMI, hiding in the shadows, follows them slowly downstairs. She now wears a baggy overcoat and dark glasses so as not to be recognised. MIMI: (Mutters) Andy, you traitor. SCENE FIVE The Picture Playhouse, Genus Not far from the Apartment Block is The Picture Playhouse Cinema. It is a typical cinema with luxuriously decorated interiors and rich carpets. Above the entrance, there is a white panel, with the names of movies playing in black writing. The movies are: PASSIONATE MOONLIGHT 2: THE REUNION, CHUCK BODGERS: THE MOVIE, and SQUEAL 3. BUCKY: Well, what shall we see? JENNY: (Looking at the selection) I never have been keen on horror, so count out Squeal 3. BUCKY: So it's either Chuck Bodgers or Passionate Moonlight 2. JENNY: Trust me, Passionate Moonlight is absolute bull. BUCKY: I agree. I guess there's only one alternative. As BUCKY and JENNY begin to pay for their tickets, MIMI watches them walk into one of the theatres as they hold hands. MIMI: Oh, no you don't sister. Bucky's mine. She walks up to pay for a ticket, and runs straight in after the two. The massive theatre is crammed with mammals all watching the screen. It takes some time for MIMI to find the couple, but eventually finds them a few rows down in front of her. MIMI takes her seat and watches the pair, while everyone else focuses on the opening credits. After an hour or so into the film, MIMI is beginning to nod off. There is a passionate moment on the screen, which wakes her up. CHUCK BODGERS, (a 31 year old in a skin-tight, lime-green suit with brownish- grey hair, played by a hare) is cradling THE PRINCESS OF MARS (A 20 year old woman with ebony-black skin, snow-white hair and dazzling blue eyes, but no mouth or nose, played by another hare) in his arms. PRINCESS OF MARS: Oh, Bodgers! That was so brave of you! BODGERS: Hey, it's what I do. They both exchange a long passionate kiss. MIMI watches as BUCKY and JENNY snuggle into one another. She hears a snatch of conversation between the two over the film soundtrack. BUCKY: If that guy thinks he can kiss, he's mistaken. JENNY: We'll soon see once we get back home. MIMI, admitting defeat, slowly drags herself out of the cinema. The moment she walks out, her cries of despair can be heard clearly as they fade away into the night. SCENE SIX UAC Officers Bar RAUL and FRITZ are sat discussing the new crew for The Fearless. DOGSTAR and A MOUSE of the Security Council are playing darts in the background. FRITZ: ...and I reckon he may be able to be an excellent gunner. RAUL: I'm still not sure, sir. I think it should be first come, first serve. FRITZ: I see your point. Sorry, I'm just letting my imagination run away with me. RAUL: Not at all. I did the same when I was Lieutenant. FRITZ: I'll leave the decision up to the council for the time being. He gets up to leave. FRITZ: Goodnight all. BARTENDER: Goodnight, Chairman. MOUSE: Sleep well, Fritz. FRITZ: (To MOUSE) And to you, Fievel. Exit FRITZ. MIMI enters, almost knocking him over. MIMI: (To Bartender) I'll have Blue Slip and Soda. As the BARTENDER prepares her drink, DOGSTAR begins to cheer. DOGSTAR: That leaves you 29 to get, Fievel. FIEVEL: OK Dogstar. But if it were all the same to you, I'd rather get some sleep. DOGSTAR: Yeah, fine by me. Goodnight, Councillor Mousekewitz. FIEVEL: Same to you, Dogstar. MIMI sips on her drink as she watches the two leave. There is now only her, the BARTENDER and RAUL in the bar. RAUL gets up and sits next to MIMI, while the BARTENDER moves into a side-room. RAUL: Mimi? MIMI: Hmm. RAUL: Are you alright? MIMI: Besides the fact that my plan never worked, I'm fine. RAUL: Plan? MIMI: I just wanted to go out with you to make Bucky jealous. RAUL: You've been watching "Passionate Moonlight" haven't you? MIMI: Yes. She places her head into his shoulder. MIMI: (Cries) And now I'll always be seen as someone people can humiliate. RAUL, being a bachelor, has never known anyone to come to him for advice in his entire career, and gives her a friendly cuddle. RAUL: There, there. It's alright. MIMI: No it's not. No one will ever let me forget this. RAUL: I would. MIMI: (Wiping away her tears) What do you mean? RAUL: Remember when we foiled Snoek? MIMI: Yeah. RAUL: "You scratch my back, I scratch yours" MIMI: What's all this got to do with it? That was ages ago! RAUL: Let me put it like this. He kisses her on the cheek. MIMI gazes at him. His brilliant green eyes now stand out from his blushing red face. MIMI: Now I get it. RAUL: I must admit, Mimi. I do find you attractive. I've always been afraid to admit it until now. MIMI: Well, we are together at last. And there's one thing I need to confess to you, Colonel. RAUL: What's that? MIMI: I find you the sweetest man in the entire of the UAC. They both smile at one another for a while, caressing each other's hands. After a while, they both begin to edge towards one another, and exchange a deep, loving kiss. The BARTENDER, seeing them caught in a romantic embrace, smiles, as he slowly shuts the door of his side-room. SCENE SEVEN Genus Botanical Gardens, The Following Morning Many people are seen wandering through the exhibits of interstellar flora grown form all parts of the Aniverse. BUCKY and JENNY, now in proper uniform, are strolling along a winding path of herb gardens. JENNY: I just love the smell of Rosemary. BUCKY: But you smell even nicer. JENNY blushes. She glances over to a nearby bench. JENNY: There's Raul. They walk over. RAUL and MIMI are together, and are holding hands, as they smell the flowers around them. RAUL: Hello Bucky, Jenny. JENNY: Mimi, are you still doing your plan? MIMI: What plan? BUCKY: Don't pretend, Mimi. Everyone knows you're dating Raul just to make me jealous. RAUL: This isn't part of the plan anymore, Bucky. We really are dating. JENNY: Congratulations! MIMI: Yes, it turns out Raul and I both have a lot in common. BUCKY: Well Colonel, all I can say is well done! RAUL: Thank you Captain. BUCKY: Now, if you'll excuse me, I think I'd like to take a look at the Chrysanthemums. BUCKY and JENNY walk off into a nearby gazebo. JENNY: Jealous? BUCKY: Not at all. I still find you attractive. JENNY: Do those two remind you of anyone in particular? BUCKY: No. Who? JENNY: Try to think back to six years ago. BUCKY: (Trying to think) Nope. I'm afraid I can't remember anyone. JENNY: Maybe this'll help. She kisses him on the cheek. BUCKY begins to blush. BUCKY: Yes, it's all coming back to me now. JENNY: Good, because I've got plenty of other reminders. They both wrap their arms around one another, as they sink into a loving cuddle. THE END