"Valentines' Day"

by Andrew Norris

It was February 14th, Valentines Day. (Or at least in Standard Earth 
Time) Everyone in the Coalition on Planet Genus was enjoying the day 
with his or her loved ones. The pilots of the Coalition Fleet were 
gathered around their ships in Docking Bay 19-C. All four ships, 
Righteous Indignation, The Indefatigable, the Screaming Mimi, and 
Mammalian Rescue Ship XL6, were almost invisible through the crews 
scattered here and there around the bay.
 
Bucky O' Hare, space hero of the Fleet, stood gazing at the happy 
couples enjoying themselves. He smiled as he thought of his plans for 
tonight. Both he and Jenny were out on a hot date to the Genus Lonely 
Hearts Disco. He gave a cordial smile at the thought of being alone 
with... "Hi, Bucky!" then Larry Callan of The Screaming Mimi bought him 
down to Genus.
 
"Hm? Oh, hi Larry." Bucky saw that Larry was carrying a pink envelope, 
washed in vapours of rich perfume. Larry held it close to his chest, 
before posting it in a small wooden pigeonhole labelled "Chairman. 
Warner." Bucky frowned in a confused manner, which Larry quickly 
recognised. "Its' not for Fritz, its' for his secretary. Claire 
Sheffield? " Bucky felt a bit more comfortable, until Captain Mimi 
LeFleu showed up that is.

"Oh, hi Bucky. This is for you." She handed him a blue envelope, and 
gave him a peck on the cheek. She smiled as she watched the blushing 
hare open up the envelope, revealing a rather rude Valentines card. 
Bucky stared at the grotesque gift for a while, and trying not to hurt 
Mimis' feelings, he just said, hiding his disgust, "Thank you Mimi." 
She gave him a smile, and said, "Say, Bucky. Y'know that Disco that's 
on tonight. Wanna come along with me?" she began to tug at his one arm, 
making Bucky feel most uncomfortable.
 
Jenny had seen the whole thing. She'd been chatting with Hannah, XL6's 
navigator, and both of them had seen the whole affair. "Ooh, that 
flirting old bag!" Jenny hissed under her breath, her spell gems began 
to glow in anger. "Easy, Jenny," Hannah soothed. "Try talking to her 
first rather than blow her to bits." Jennys' gems soon glowed more 
calmly, and taking Hannahs' advice, walked straight up to them.
"Excuse me, Mimi. But I think you are tugging at my date," Jenny 
grabbed Buckys' other arm. "Come on Bucky, we need to calibrate some 
stuff on the Righteous." She growled, using it as an excuse. Jenny was 
fast, but not fast enough, as Mimi began to tug at Buckys' other arm. 
"No you don't sister. He's with me." And there they were, two girls 
ripping a poor green hare in two. Everyone in the hangar stopped and 
stared at the straining duo, and the poor rabbit in between, suffering 
excruciating pain. Hannah placed a hand over her head, and muttered, 
"This isn't what I had in mind."
 
Meanwhile, In Sector 20, the Coalition Ammunitions Carrier, Valentine, 
was on its' way back to Genus after picking up some disused Neutron 
Bombs left over by the Military of Canis II. Brigadier Greg Martin had 
commanded the Valentine for 35 years, and this was the first time he'd 
seen his home planet in all of that time. The Brigadier looked like an 
older, frailer equivalent of Commander Dogstar. His cloudy, green eyes 
peered out from two wrinkled sockets, more grey and pale than silver. A 
bright blue beret of the Canis II Military Corps rested on his head, 
which he'd worn before he was assigned to the Valentine. His uniform 
was more like that of a General rather than a Brigadier. On his uniform 
of olive green and gold lining, medallions and ribbons Greg had been 
awarded in his 35 years, hung majestically from his chest. If this next 
mission was successful, he would be promoted to Space Marshal for the 
Coalition, but when the radar began to beep wildly...
 
"Sir, we've picked up a large number of Double Bubbles behind us." The 
pilot, Paul Travis gazed at him in confusion. Greg stared back at the 
young racoon, and gave a frown. "Set to hyperdrive. If they're after 
those bombs, they can think again." Paul turned back to the controls, 
and prepared to send Valentine into hyperdrive. A thunderous explosion 
sent the ship off course. "RAISE THE SHIELD! If those things go off, 
Boom-boom Sector 20!" the feeble commander roared. The brown-eyed 
racoon pulled a lever, and an electromagnetic bubble engulfed the 
silvery titan. 'The shield MUST hold.' The Brigadier thought. Because 
Valentine was only an Ammunitions Carrier, no weapons were kept on 
board, just in case they overheated and set off any explosives, making 
her quite vulnerable.  
 
Maser fire from the Double Bubbles made the grey whale rock and 
shudder, sending Paul and Greg flying out of their seats. On the 
videophone, the green, snotty face of Captain Smata came up; his 
Cruiser was now on the radar. "Greetings, Brigadier," he began in his 
annoying lisp. "We're so keen to 'borrow' one or two of your Neutron 
bombs. Now hand them over if you please." Smata smirked rather 
demonically, but Brigadier Martin snarled back at him. "These bombs are 
property of the UAC, now bog off and get your own, you filthy son of a 
salamander!" Smata just laughed at the remarks this old fossil came up 
with.
"I think not, Brigadier. Hand over the bombs or we'll shoot you down."
"Go ahead and fire you frelling blabbermouth!"  
"Have it your way." Smata frowned. He'd never been sworn at before, not 
by any mammal. And Greg Martin had just crossed the line. The Valentine 
felt reverberating thuds as the blasters of Smatas' ship attacked from 
behind. There was now no choice but to call for help.
 
Back at the Docking Bay, Jenny and Mimi were still fighting over Bucky. 
They soon stopped when the general alarm was sounded, followed by the 
voice of Chairman Fritz, bellowing "Emergency. Military vessel, 
'VALENTINE', under Toad Attack in Sector 20. Emergency. 'Righteous 
Indignation' and 'Rescue Ship XL6' required for immediate takeoff." 
Bucky finally broke free and ran towards his ship, Jenny not far 
behind. Hannah was soon aboard, where the rest of the crew waited for 
her. The two ships hovered slowly out of the Docking Bay and in to 
space. Mimi felt her heart strain at the sight of Bucky leaving so 
quickly, and came up with an idea.

This is where I am unfortunately dragged into the story. Andrew Norris, 
pilot of XL6. I'd been in the Aniverse after going into hiding from the 
stubborn World Space Patrol, and busting Toad backsides was the only 
thing I was used to in this strange, new dimension. I had only been 
here for 2 months, and settling down seemed extremely difficult. I 
gazed across at the Righteous Indignation, where Jenny and Bucky seemed 
to be talking about something serious; something that Bucky was all too 
keen to forget about. The radio crackled slightly, and I heard Bucky 
speak.
"Say Andy, how many Toads are there? Our Navigations' on the blink." He 
sighed.
"Just a minute." I coughed, and switched on the ships' intercom. Before 
I could speak, Hannah, whom chuckled, interrupted me "I heard, I detect 
one Cruiser and eleven Double Bubbles. Bearing 3820 Yellow, near the 
planet Canis VI." 
"Get that, Bucky?" I asked.
"Roger. You take care of the Cruiser, we'll sort out the fighters."
"Is it because I have Tritomic warheads or do you hate me?" I joked. I 
heard Bucky snigger, as both ships prepared to attack. 
 
Back on the Valentine, Captain Smata seemed to delight in the crews' 
pain. The ship, even with its' shield still up, was now dented and 
charred across its' aft. The hold where the Neutron bombs were stabled 
was now in full sight of the Masers. As Captain Smata prepared to give 
the order to fire, a blast of Masers disabled his ship.
"What was that?!" he roared, hopping up and down like a hippo with 
toothache.
"Two ships have been spotted. The Righteous Indignation, and that 
strange baboon ship, the XL6." One of the fighters replied.
"Don't just stand there! Attack!"
 
As the Righteous Indignation loomed at full speed towards the 
aggressive Toads, XL6 weaved its' way through beams of maser fire, 
until at last, we reached the Cruiser. Some Double Bubbles followed us, 
and were foolishly destroyed by Smatas' trigger-happy cannon fodder, 
which was trying to obliterate us. The Double Bubbles were no match for 
the wrathful cannon-fire of Deadeye Duck. As each fighter was blasted 
into nothing but smoking space debris, the four-armed gunner could be 
clearly heard, screeching, "Eat hot ions, you warty fly suckers!" XL6 
meanwhile bombarded the Cruiser with the warheads, which had been 
loaded on board. With these incidents occurring, the Valentine was able 
to pick up enough speed to escape into Hyperdrive. 
Smata went ballistic; his face appeared on the videophones of both XL6 
and the Righteous. He was mumbling curses under his breath. His slimy, 
green skin was now red in anger, which seemed to match his uniform. 
Before the cold-blooded villain could make sense, he was cut off as his 
Cruiser exploded into sterile lumps of metal. He was still alive, 
unfortunately, when his Double Bubble (especially built for officers) 
floated between Bucky and me. Before he disappeared, his last words 
were "Valentines Day may be today, but soon it will be KOMPLEXs' day."
 
We made our journey home safely. The Valentine was AOK, and was being 
repaired when we touched down. We soon learnt that The Screaming Mimi 
had helped to escort it back to Genus, but in reality, Mimi was only 
doing so to get a bit more credit from Bucky. It was soon late, and the 
Disco would start in a few hours time. But Hannah and I were having a 
slight disagreement in my room.
 
"I told you, Hannah. I simply can't go." I growled.
"Why? Because you've got blackheads?" Hannah shouted, spell gems 
glowing angrily.
"No, because I'm a human. Humans don't belong at Mammal parties."
"What are you going to do? Play with your model trains?" she pointed at 
the set of model railway engines I'd bought with me when I left Earth.
"No, its' just that, well, look at me!" I pointed at my own face, 
trying to point out that I thought myself too hideous to show up.
"It is the blackheads, isn't it?" Hannah calmed down; I soon did the 
same.
"Yes, if I go there, I'll stir up a fuss. I don't belong there. You do. 
All of you have good looks. I have only a pair of spectacles." I gazed 
at myself in a mirror, staring at the blackheads that littered my face. 
They seemed more like craters on a planet. Hannah placed a hand on my 
shoulder. Her spell gems had stopped glowing.
"Look, you decide what you want. Either you can stay here and sulk, or 
you can come down and have a good time. I'll leave the decision to 
you." I felt a peck on the cheek, either that or a very soft slap. I 
heard the door shut behind her. I guess after hearing those words I 
finally made up my mind.
 
The only suit I had besides my uniform was a Highlanders outfit I 
bought while on vacation in Edinburgh, Scotland. I felt rather silly 
walking to a disco in a kilt. Most passers-by in the street found it 
weird, but believed it were 'hairless baboon' tradition. The Disco Hall 
was brimming with officers of the Coalition, with some representatives 
of the Security Council among them. The entire floor was a pattern of 
square-tiled lights, like that found in 1970s' discos. A long table on 
the far end served several drinks and snacks, with another table 
parallel home to some speakers and a robotic DJ. I walked over to the 
snack table, trying not to look too inconspicuous. I served myself some 
lilac coloured porridge, which seemed to taste of nutmeg or something 
equally as strong. A pat on my back made me jump, until I realised it 
was Hannah.
 
"You came!" I found myself being hugged a split second later. I saw she 
was now wearing overall black, with a flaming skull on her T-Shirt. 
Bucky and Jenny came over; both with drinks in their hands, while 
they're other arms were linked together. Bucky was dressed in a green 
tuxedo with a white shirt and polished shoes. Jenny was in a pale blue 
evening dress, but still had her spell gems on like Hannah. 
"I see you've made it." Bucky shouted as the disco music began to get 
louder.
"Yeah, I'd no choice with Miss Outgoing here." I nodded at Hannah, who 
just smiled.
"I see you like the food!"
"Yeah, at least its' not as bad as the stuff back home! Where's' Mimi?"
"Out at the bar with Dogstar. Guess she's finally found a free man!"
"Yeah! Is the Brigadier OK?"
"Yes. He turned down his Space Marshal job for some reason!"
"Andy, one question." Jenny interrupted as Hannah went to refill her 
drink.
"Yes?" I asked
"Why are you wearing a dress?"
 
THE END