THE KOMPLEX CAPER - Written by Doug Moench SCENE 1 - A toad pulls a lever to release a large satellite from the bottom of his ship. TOAD Mission accomplished O Mighty Komplex. The beginning of your brilliant scheme has begun. Deadeye is out in space, riding the croaker. He sees the toad ship and the satellite, surrounded by a forcefield DEADEYE Bilious bilge in a bucket! It don't be a wart slime toad ship. But what be that other hunk o' cracklin' flotsum? ( he turns the croaker to face the toad ship) Fry me ions! If it ain't time to find out! Inside the ship, the toad pulls down the "close hatch" lever. Deadeye flies the croaker as close as he can get it, then as the hatch starts to close, he activates his jetpack and flies inside. TOAD Preparing for immediate return to...(he stops as something on the radar clanks) What? Something on radar? A toad croaker! One of the mangy mammals ships! But it's just drifting, with no pilot. Where could..? Aaarrggh! Maser blasts fly through the air as Deadeye shoots his way through the airlock door. DEADEYE Ya slippery wartbob! Didn't sense the stealthy approach of Deadeye did ya! Now, what manner o' space trash do ye be litterin' out there? The toad sticks his nose in the air, looks the other way and says nothing DEADEYE Not talkin' eh? We'll see about that ya dastardly green fly sucker! (he pulls a comm link from his pocket) This be Deadeye callin' the Righteous Indignation. CAptured me a slimy wart canvas, paintin' a suspicious picture. Orders? BUCKY Tie the prisoner up, Deadeye, and haul him in! DEADEYE Aye aye capt'n O'Hare. But with what? BUCKY So improvise, Deadeye, improvise! DEADEYE Aye aye cap'n. Over an' out! DEADEYE Improvise, improvise. Ah! He snaps his fingers and laughs SCENE 2 - The croaker lands on the landing platform. Bucky climbs down from the main bay and pauses halfway down the ladder. BUCKY Has anyone interrogated the prisoner, Jenny? JENNY We've been waiting for you Bucky BUCKY Well, let's get some answers then. He jumps the rest of the way down. JENNY You can try sir, but I warn you, he's kind of...tongue-tied Bucky turns to look at the prisoner who has been tied up with his own tongue. BUCKY Very resourceful Deadeye. DEADEYE (looking very pleased with himself Ye said improvise cap'n, so I did! BUCKY So you did. Now untie him Deadeye, so he can talk. DEADEYE Aye aye cap'n. Bucky turns around. Deadeye takes hold of the tongue and gives it a tug. The toad spins around as the tongue unravels and then falls to the floor. BUCKY Alright toad, what was your purpose in invading this sector? Well, answer me! The toad mumbles something unintelligable. BUCKY What? JENNY I think he said he can't Bucky. His tongue's all limp and numb. BUCKY Oh. It's probably asleep. (he picks up part of it) Try waking it up. The toad takes hold of its tongue and waves it around, thumping it hard on the floor. At last, he coils it back into his mouth. TOAD The great Wart Mother be pleased! I was starting to think I'd never flick another fly! BUCKY You can talk now. TOAD That's right furball. But I won't! You can do anything! Torture me, tempt me with fly-speck fondue, tie me up with my own tongue again...but nothing can make me divulge the purpose of my secret mission! BUCKY Yo Bruiser! TOAD Ber-uiser? The hatch rattles and Bruiser stomps in, shaking the ship with his footsteps. BRUISER Yeah, captain? What de ya want? TOAD (screams) Alright, I'll talk, just keep him away! Komplex sent me here, on a secret mission, to insert a satellite, with a protective force field, so we'd know if you were planning any secret attacks! But if I'd known you had a beserker baboon, right behind me, that's right, I never would have (he flops forward) done it! His tongue flops out again. BUCKY Pack that disgusting thing back in the prisoner's mouth and toss 'em both in the brig. I've got some serious pondering to do. SCENE 3 - Frix and Frax are watching Toad TV as usual. TOAD TV PRESENTER Welcome to another installment of Tadpole Tales, with today's tale of horror and mutant transformation, the Frog Prince! Brought to you by Wartina Pondscum Additives. The Air Marshall stomps in. AIR MARSHALL Stay sharp, Frix and Frax! I've been called for noggins with mighty Komplex himself! SCENE 4 - The Air Marshall is standing in front of a massive screen, with an image of Toadborg on it. KOMPLEX The defence of Komplex, of me, Air Marshall, is always Toadborg's responsibility, Air Marshall, but with Toadborg temporarily pre- occupied, I am trusting that supreme honour to you! AIR MARSHALL I am..honoured. He looks around and scratches his hand SCENE 5 - In his house in San Francisco, Willy is sitting at his computer. It is crackling and staticky WILLY Progress report 9, computer moniter on the fritz, assuming possible interference from a photon accelerator, will now attempt to adjust... The screen flickers and an image of the Air Marshall standing in front of Komplex appears. KOMPLEX .. lost a toad spy Air Marshall. But not before he launched a scheme which will ultimately result in our entire conquest of any mammal with eyes or ears by piggy-backing Toad TV signals on accelerated photons. WILLY Wow! A scene from an aniverse! AIR MARSHALL And what will this do O MIghty Komplex? SCENE 6 - On the Righteous, the entire crew are standing in the lower bay BUCKY I don't like it. What if it's all a toad trick? JENNY In which case, what could it be? Willy's door appears and he walks through. WILLY It is all a toad trick! And that thing you're talking about is actually a TV receiver/transmitter satellite! Every screen within it's range can be converted into a nasty device which literally trains the brain waves of the viewers. Even worse, the brain waves will be altered to a frequency of total obedience before being sent back to the heads of owners BUCKY Are you sure Willy? WILLY Absolutely. I heard Komplex tell Toad Air Marshall the whole plan! SCENE 7 - At the Toad TV studios, lots of toads are struggling into mammal costumes. TOADBORG Hurry it up with those flea-bitten fur coats and get ready for take 1. The satellite is already in place, Komplex is waiting! On the Righteous, all the screens switch themselves on. Everyone turns and stares at them and their brainwaves are sucked in. The image is of lots of mammals running away from a huge mechanical bug which is knocking down the city. BUCKY This is worse, the most diabolical weapon ever created. WILLY (who the TV has no effect on) No it's not! It's just dumb...junk! He walks over and pulls down the lever to turn off the screens. THe brain waves stop being sucked. JENNY Thank you Willy, you, you saved our lives! BUCKY (grimly) Or at least our sanity BRUISER Yeah, how'd you do that Willy? WILLY Well, not being native to this dimension, I guess my brainwave patterns are immune to the hypnotic frequency of the TV signals. BUCKY Mm. But the rest of us are in big trouble unless this thing is stopped. Just think of all the horror that's going on right now! All around the aniverse, mammals are staring at the TV as their brainwaves are filtered away. FEMALE MAMMAL (on TV) JiffyLick Whisker Cleaner, for cleaner whiskers in a jiff of a lick! SCENE 8 - On the Indefatigable, Dogstar is talking to his crew. DOGSTAR So there we were I say, back to bristling back, Bucky and I comrades in arms we were from way back BUCKY Bucky O'Hare to Commander Dogstar, come in Dogstar DOGSTAR (looking round in surprise) Bucky? Bucky O'Hare, here aboard the Frigate Indefatigable? Bucky's eyes appear on the vid link, whizzing up and down on the screen, before clearing to show his whole face BUCKY Not yet, Commander, I strongly suggest you deactivate all video and computer screens immediatly following my message and before approaching this sector. DOGSTAR Eh? What? Approach that sector? Deactivate all screens? But why? I say, why? BUCKY It's a long story Commander but I intend to penetrate Komplex and I need your help! SCENE 9 - The Indefatigable flies towards the Righteous and stops next to it. The hatch on the Righteous opens. Bucky and Deadeye are standing on the platforum, dressed in helmets, and ready to go. BUCKY Jenny will assume command in my absence. And remember, I want everyone to give Willy full co-operation in taking out that satellite. He salutes. The crew salute back. Jenny holds out a gem on a chain. JENNY Bucky, may the magic of this protective gem be yours to call upon when you most need it. Bucky nods, takes the gem, hangs it around his neck and examines it. Jenny salutes. Bucky takes his helmet from Deadeye and jumps into the croaker. BUCKY Remember, all TV and video is hereby cancelled for the duration. Farewell crew! They fly towards the Indefatigable. SCENE 10 - The Air Marshall is standing in front of Komplex. KOMPLEX And once we've accumalted the mammal brain waves and altered them to total obedience..alarms! Move Air Marshall. Get to the defence command station on the double! AIR MARSHALL Yes sir, O Mighty Komplex! SCENE 11 - In the defence command station, alarms are going off. AIR MARSHALL What is it? Immediate status report! TOAD GUARD False alarm, Air Marshall. What we got us here is just your common, ordinary, everyday stray meteorite situation. Posin' no threat whatsoever. AIR MARSHALL Well, at least use it for target practice you sad and sorry, lackadaisical excuse for a toad! We've got to stay sharper than ever in this defence command stage! Wait! What's tht out there? That's no mere stray meteorite! That's, a, a vermillion ship! The Indefatigable flies straight at Komplex. AIR MARSHALL Daring to approach mighty Komplex itself! Send out the Defence Armanda! Scorch that brazen ship to molten cinder and BURN FUR! SCENE 12 - On the Indefatigable, Dogstar and Wolf are in the piloting bay. DOGSTAR Our decoy tactic is working as planned boys. Or is that a..? no, no, it's them! To your battle stations and give them, what's for! WOLF You heard the commander! Say fleas! Wolf jumps into their small craft, Rumblebee fits himself to the gun and Pete loads missiles into the missile launcher. The attack the toads. Dogstar watches from upstairs. DOGSTAR And so the valiant battle is once again fought.Now, we can only hope and pray, that the courageous Captain O'Hare, gets through. SCENE 13 - A meteorite flies towards Komplex. A rock on the top is lifted and Bucky sticks his head out. The meteorite heads down towards Komplex and Bucky leaps off, activating his jetpack to land perfectly on Komplex. He runs through and blasts through a door to the inside, then stops to look around BUCKY So this is Komplex. SCENE 14 - The Righteous stops just in front of the satellite, still gathering mammal brainwaves. DEADEYE Ready when ye be, Jenny girl! JENNY Then fire at will Deadeye. Deadeye fires enthusiastically but fruitlessly at the satellite. DEADEYE Thems were the Righteous Indignation's best shots, Jenny girl. JENNY I know Deadeye. It appears the satellite's completely impervious. WILLY But we've got to crack it! Every minute we delay, more and more brain waves are being siphoned off! SCENE 15 - On another screen, toads are badly dressed up as mammals and are dancing and singing. TOAD ACTORS The toads are our friends! Our warty, funny friends! We must not resist them Silly, silly, silly! We must welcome toads, With very open arms! The mammal brainwaves, sucked into the screen, are sent to the satellite, which tilts suddenly, and sends a bright green beam straight to Komplex. SCENE 16 - Inside Komplex, Bucky is walking down grey passageways. BUCKY Wish I could find my way out of this maze. These blank walls are getting downright boring! He turns a corner and finds himself in a passageway lined with small panels, which open to reveal guns which start shooting at him. BUCKY On second thought, better boring than lethal! He jumps and somersaults and avoids the lasers, even managing to blast a few himself. At the end of the passage, he comes to a blank wall. BUCKY A dead end? He shoots a hole in it and leaps through, then screams as he falls down a shaft. He looks down just in time to see a huge mechanical mouth open underneath him. His activates his jetpack and is lifted just out of reach of the mouth which snaps at his feet. He fires his gun at the wall to steady himself and contacts Jenny. BUCKY Captain Bucky O'Hare to the Righteous Indignation! Anything to report Jenny? JENNY No luck yet, but Willy's trying to cobble something together to crack the satellite's forcefield. How's your progress Bucky? BUCKY Love to discuss it with ya Jen, but I just got real busy. Where he had his gun fixed on the wall, he's made a huge hole and behind it are more mechnical munching machines which snap their massive jaws. They look like small Voidroids. BUCKY Err, hiya, gizmos. Just who might you be? GIZMO We are units of virus defence, defending Komplex by feeding on all unauthorised intruders of sentient composition. BUCKY I suppose you're wondering just who I might be? GIZMO - You are unauthorized intruder of sentient composition. You are lunch. They come toward him, snapping their jaws. Bucky looks horrified for a moment. BUCKY So I'm lunch am I? Well, wrap your molars around this, boltheads! He lands on the ground and shoots at them, blasting them into pieces. SCENE 17 - Komplex watches an electronic map, on which a small red shape is being followed by larger green ones KOMPLEX Wait! What's this on the security map? Unauthorised intruder, within Komplex himself, eliminating the virus defence squad? Security breach! Intruder approaching inner sanctum! All toads to my defence! SCENE 18 - The toad ships suddenly fly away from the Indefatigable DOGSTAR By gad, they're turning tail lads! WOLF (on small ship Orders Commander Dogstar? DOGSTAR What? Oh, yes, orders! Can't conduct an effective campaign without orders can you... WOLF (interrupting What *are* the orders sir? DOGSTAR What? What are they? Have you taken leave of your extraordinary senses Wolf? Use their tails as fuses of course! And light them! WOLF Yes sir! He shoos down several of the toad ships as they retreat. Komplex is watching this. KOMPLEX (turning from the window) What are you doing out there you fools! SCENE 19 - Bucky turns a bend in the passages and shoots two virus defence units as they approach in the opposite direction. BUCKY I wonder if anybody ever told them they had big mouths? Komplex still watches the map, which has turned yellow, with a large red cross in the centre. KOMPLEX Finally, my opportunity for the other means, for the final defence, the ultimate onslaught! Toad TV! Bucky walks down a passageway lined with huge screens. They suddenly flicker and switch on and Bucky finds himself surrounded by Toad TV. Whichever direction he turns, there are toads, modelling, eating, riding horses. He stumbles along, his paws pressed against his head, desperately trying to ignore them before collapsing on the floor. SCENE 20 - Toadborg stomps into Komplex's control room. KOMPLEX Ah, Toadborg TOADBORG The new toad/mammal transmissions are finally running smoothly O Mighty Komplex. Can I be of further service? KOMPLEX All is well in hand, loyal Toadborg. In fact, you are just in time to see the final defeat of Bucky O'Hare He turns to the screen where Bucky is curled up on the floor in agony. TOADBORG Komplex, with your permission, I will prepare the braindrain for obedience frequenct conversion. It is time. KOMPLEX By all means, do so! A hatch opens in the floor and a huge shining brain-shaped machine rises from it. TOADBORG The stolen psychic energy of the entire mammal populus, O Mighty Komplex. In our control SCENE 21 - In the passageway, Bucky sits up weakly, hardly able to speak. BUCKY The magic gem...And if this isn't the moment when I most need it, I'll never make it to the next moment. (he takes out the gem and holds it in his paw)Jenny... It's..(he throws it up into the air. It moves higher, moving by itself) it's working! The gems suddenly explodes, shooting rays of brilliant energy at the screen, blasting them into pieces. Recovered, Bucky leaps to his feet and runs down the passage, shooting the remaining screens. SCENE 22 - Deadeye and Willy are in the croaker, a small distance from the satellite with Willy's new invention. The Righteous is waiting a little way off. WILLY Hold steady here Deadeye! We should be within my interference admittance range. DEADEYE But will it work matey? WILLY Won't know until we try it. He picks up his invention. WILLY Here goes something. I hope. He closes one eye, aims, and shoots at the satellite. The forcefield flickers and then disappears. DEADEYE It worked matey! Now old Deadeye can blast that satellite to space cinders! WILLY Not yet Deadeye. If you destroy the satellite now, there'll be no way for the stolen brainwaves toget back to their owners! DEADEYE Point taken Willy lad. It'll all be up to Bucky SCENE 23 - Bucky reaches the end of the corridor and shoots the last screen. He looks up to see an electronic device pointed at him. BUCKY Some sort of electronic sensor? He destroys it. SCENE 24 - Up in the control room, the screens go blank. In the middle of the room, the braindrain is glowing bright green. TOADBORG Another five minutes and the accumalation of brain waves will be complete. We can then convert the waves to obedience and transmit them back. KOMPLEX Excellent Toadborg. The entire aniverse shall be ours. TOADBORG (turning and noticing the blank screens) The Walnut Komplex! It's dead! KOMPLEX What! But who could have..? VOICE Over here you planet sized wart! Bucky walks into the room with his gun held out in front of him. KOMPLEX Bucky O'Hare! Still sentient! KOMPLEX Destroy him Toadborg! Protect your Komplex! Toadborg shoots at Bucky, who rolls out of the way. He crouches behind a pillar, still shooting. Several of his shots hit Komplex. KOMPLEX Stop him Toadborg! Protect the BrainDrain! Protect me! Toadborg shoots at Bucky again. He cartwheels away and jumps behind shelter. He reaches out to shoot and one of Toadborg's shots knocks his gun from his paw, singeing his glove. Toadborg approaches. TOADBORG No more bravado, O'Hare. Nothing to say now! BUCKY Not a word, you tin-plated mudscupper! Toadborg raises his gun to hit Bucky with it. TOADBORG Mudscupper! No mammal! You mudscupper! Bucky ducks and rolls between Toadborg's legs, then flips backwards and lands on the braindrain. Toadborg, crazy with rage, continues to fire at him. KOMPLEX Stop! The brain waves haven't been converted yet! Bucky leaps off, just as the machine explodes. SCENE 25 - The brainwaves hurtle past the Righteous in the opposite direction. JENNY The brainwaves! They are sent to the satellite, which starts wiggling and sending green and yellow energy in all directions JENNY They're being sent back to their owners! Bucky did it! Brainwaves zap out of TVs into the heads of various owners. BEAR 1 Wassat? Where am I? OTTER What a nightmare. BEAR 2 Feel like I've been subjected to nine months of quail speeches! SCENE 26 - Bucky, with his jetpack on, is chased down Komplex's corridors by a fireball. BUCKY Bucky O'Hare to the Righteous Indignation, smack that satellite when ready! SCENE 27 - On the Righteous, Deadeye sits down in his gunner's seat. DEADEYE Let this one be for you, Cap'n O'Hare! He fires on the satellite and destroys it. SCENE 28 - Komplex explodes, sending plumes of flames and smoke into space, along with several double bubbles. Bucky finds himself hovering inches above a column of flame and struggling to stay above.Wolf swoops down in his small craft, loops underneath him and pulls him out. WOLF'S Commander Dogstar! It's Captain O'Hare! I've got him! Dogstar holds up a thumb and smiles, relieved. Rumblebee sits back from the guns. RUMBLEBEE Mission accomplished! Bzz bzz Pete twirls a spanner around his fingers. PETE Yup. Wolf loops around and then up into the Indefatigable. It flies away from the scene and stops next to the Righteous. SCENE 29 - Everyone, from both crews, is aboard the Righteous. BRUISER That Bucky O'Hare, he done went to town. That evil old Komplex, he shut right down! ALL Alright! Willy, Deadeye and Bruiser jump up and clap their hands together. BUCKY Thanks crew. I just regret not pulling the plug on Komplex. DEADEYE (laughs) That bit *was* unthinkable cap'n. WILLY At least you short-circuited him for a while JENNY - And you destroyed his braindrain, Buck. That was the crucial objective. Bucky smiles. BUCKY I guess you're right. BRUISER Well, now the excitement's all over with, let's see what's on the TV Bucky looks horrified and pulls out his gun, shooting the screen just as Bruiser's about to switch it on. BUCKY (twirling his gun round his fingers) Let's not. SCENE 30 - All around Komplex, there are scenes of chaos and destruction. Inside, everything is a mess of exposed circuitry which scientists are trying to repair TOADBORG (whirling his metal arm) Hurry it up! At this rate it'll take a week to get Komplex back online! FRIX AND FRAX No Toad TV for a week!? END